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Offline bijou

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3-ply toilet paper launches today
« on: September 16, 2008, 10:23:54 AM »
Quote
f two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that's what toilet-paper researchers in Neenah hope.
Advertisement

A team at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.

The new product will be launched today. The company touts the toilet tissue as "ultra-soft" and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time."
link

Hmmm...unimaginable luxury.  :rotf:
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Offline Wretched Excess

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2008, 10:26:13 AM »

how much trouble can this country be in when two ply toilet paper becomes a problem that demands a solution?
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Offline bijou

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2008, 10:29:44 AM »
Quote from: Wretched Excess on September 16, 2008, 10:26:13 AM

how much trouble can this country be in when two ply toilet paper becomes a problem that demands a solution?
It reminds me of this classic by Dave Barry:
Quote
Blade Inflation
What's next from the razor-sharp minds of the shaving industry?

By Dave Barry
Sunday, July 20, 2003; Page W32

Attention, consumers with bodily hair: The razor industry has news for you! You will never in a million years guess what this news is, unless your IQ is higher than zero, in which case you're already thinking: "Not another blade! Don't tell me they're adding ANOTHER BLADE!!"

Shut up! Don't spoil the surprise for everybody else!
   
Before I tell you the news, let's put it in historical context by reviewing:

THE HISTORY OF SHAVING

Human beings are one of only two species of animals that shave themselves (the other one is salamanders). The Internet tells us that humans have been shaving since the Stone Age. Of course, the Internet also tells us that hot naked women want to befriend us, so we can't be 100 percent sure about everything we read there.  ...snip...

 The razors of that era had one blade, and they worked fine; ask any older person who is not actively drooling. But then, in 1971, a very bad thing happened: Gillette, looking for a way to enhance the shaving experience (by which I mean "charge more") came out with a razor that had TWO blades. This touched off a nuclear arms race among razor companies, vying to outdo one another by adding "high-tech" features that made the product more expensive, but not necessarily better. This tactic is called "sneakerization," in honor of the sneaker industry, which now has people paying upwards of $200 a pair for increasingly weird-looking footwear boasting the durability of thinly sliced Velveeta.

Soon everybody was selling two-blade razors. So the marketing people put on their thinking caps, and, in an astounding burst of creativity, came up with the breakthrough concept of: THREE BLADES. Gillette, which is on the cutting edge (har!) of razor sneakerization, currently has a top-of-the-line three-blade razor -- excuse me, I mean "shaving system" -- called the "Mach3Turbo," which, according to the Gillette Web site (www.gillette.com) has more technology than a nuclear submarine, including "open cartridge architecture" and an "ergonomic handle" featuring "knurled elastomeric crescents." That's right: It has elastomeric crescents, and they have been knurled! By knurlers! No, I don't know what this means. But it sure sounds technological.

Which brings us to today's exciting news, which was brought to my attention by alert reader Jake Hamer. Gillette's arch-rival, Schick (maker of the Xtreme 3 shaving system) has announced that it's coming out with a new razor that has -- prepare to be floored by innovativeness -- FOUR BLADES. Yes! It will be called the "Quattro," which is Italian for "more expensive."

Of course it will not end there. I bet an urgent memo has already gone out in Gillette's marketing department. "Hold some focus groups immediately!" it says. "Find out what number comes after four!"   ...
http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A61952-2003Jul15?language=printer
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Offline Chris_

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2008, 11:05:59 AM »
Quote from: bijou on September 16, 2008, 10:23:54 AM
Quote
f two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that's what toilet-paper researchers in Neenah hope.
Advertisement

A team at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.

The new product will be launched today. The company touts the toilet tissue as "ultra-soft" and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time."
link

Hmmm...unimaginable luxury.  :rotf:
This should work much better than their last attempt...Texas toilet paper.  They almost went bankrupt because it wouldn't take sh*t off nobody.   :-)
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Offline mamacags

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2008, 11:12:23 AM »
Pay days coming for the plumbers of America.  I can't even imagine how easily 3 ply will clog the pipes.
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Offline Wretched Excess

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2008, 11:20:24 AM »
Quote from: mamacags on September 16, 2008, 11:12:23 AM
Pay days coming for the plumbers of America.  I can't even imagine how easily 3 ply will clog the pipes.

prediction :  in a month, The BarackStar! will be decrying  "the biggest public services infrastructure disaster since the bubonic plague;  a direct result of 8 years of the failed national plumbing policies of bush and mccain.  we can't stand another four years of the same judgment.  we can't take anymore shit". 

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Offline debk

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2008, 12:34:06 PM »
Quote from: mamacags on September 16, 2008, 11:12:23 AM
Pay days coming for the plumbers of America.  I can't even imagine how easily 3 ply will clog the pipes.


We have a septic tank....though it may be wonderful to the ....uh....touch, it would be a septic tank nightmare.
We have 2 people in a 5-toilet house... which says something about the amount of ..... :uhsure:
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Just hand over the chocolate...back away slowly...far away....and you won't get hurt....

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate.

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Offline Wineslob

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2008, 12:39:50 PM »
Quote from: Wretched Excess on September 16, 2008, 10:26:13 AM

how much trouble can this country be in when two ply toilet paper becomes a problem that demands a solution?

Wait till YOU have a couple of fingers go through..................... :tongue:
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“The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.”

        -- Marcus Tullius Cicero, 55 BC (106-43 BC)

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"Practice random violence and senseless acts of brutality"

If you want a gender neutral bathroom, go pee in the forest.

Offline BEG

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2008, 12:54:18 PM »
Quote from: Wineslob on September 16, 2008, 12:39:50 PM
Quote from: Wretched Excess on September 16, 2008, 10:26:13 AM

how much trouble can this country be in when two ply toilet paper becomes a problem that demands a solution?

Wait till YOU have a couple of fingers go through..................... :tongue:

LOL  ewwwww  :lmao:
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Offline Chris_

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #9 on: September 16, 2008, 12:55:15 PM »
Quote from: mamacags on September 16, 2008, 11:12:23 AM
Pay days coming for the plumbers of America.  I can't even imagine how easily 3 ply will clog the pipes.

I propose a year long study on the effects of 3-ply TP on the newer, 1.6 GPF toilets.  I hypothesize that the newer toidies can't handle paper that massive.  

I'll need about 5 million taxpayer bucks to test this theory.
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Offline Wineslob

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2008, 12:55:53 PM »
Made you smile, my work is done for today.   :innocent:
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“The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.”

        -- Marcus Tullius Cicero, 55 BC (106-43 BC)

The unobtainable is unknown at Zombo.com



"Practice random violence and senseless acts of brutality"

If you want a gender neutral bathroom, go pee in the forest.

Offline BEG

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #11 on: September 16, 2008, 12:56:53 PM »
Quote from: Wineslob on September 16, 2008, 12:55:53 PM
Made you smile, my work is done for today.   :innocent:

You did, you are my favorite person at the moment.   :-*
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Offline Chris_

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #12 on: September 16, 2008, 05:19:30 PM »
Quote from: BEG on September 16, 2008, 12:56:53 PM
Quote from: Wineslob on September 16, 2008, 12:55:53 PM
Made you smile, my work is done for today.   :innocent:

You did, you are my favorite person at the moment.   :-*
*kicks a rock*
*shuffles back to his corner*
 :bawl:














 :-)
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Offline Miss Mia

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2008, 05:48:30 PM »
Quote from: bijou on September 16, 2008, 10:23:54 AM
Quote
f two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that's what toilet-paper researchers in Neenah hope.
Advertisement

A team at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.

The new product will be launched today. The company touts the toilet tissue as "ultra-soft" and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time."
link

Hmmm...unimaginable luxury.  :rotf:

I thought men thought of the bathroom as their sanctuary? 


Quote from: Wineslob on September 16, 2008, 12:39:50 PM
Quote from: Wretched Excess on September 16, 2008, 10:26:13 AM

how much trouble can this country be in when two ply toilet paper becomes a problem that demands a solution?

Wait till YOU have a couple of fingers go through..................... :tongue:


Ewww.... :rotf:
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Offline debk

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #14 on: September 16, 2008, 06:46:43 PM »
Quote from: Miss Mia on September 16, 2008, 05:48:30 PM
Quote from: bijou on September 16, 2008, 10:23:54 AM
Quote
f two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. At least that's what toilet-paper researchers in Neenah hope.
Advertisement

A team at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute in Neenah has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product.

The new product will be launched today. The company touts the toilet tissue as "ultra-soft" and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time."
link

Hmmm...unimaginable luxury.  :rotf:

I thought men thought of the bathroom as their sanctuary? 

Not a sanctuary.....but a throne room...... :uhsure:


« Last Edit: September 16, 2008, 06:47:39 PM by Miss Mia »
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Just hand over the chocolate...back away slowly...far away....and you won't get hurt....

Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate.

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." – Dave Barry

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.

Offline Chris_

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #15 on: September 16, 2008, 06:52:21 PM »
I remember when MAD Magazine did a "humorous" take on the 2-blade razor, suggesting a 3-blade razor would be funny (and it was).  Now we have freaking 5-blade razors.

They also predicted seat belt nannies in cars (although the interface between the seat belts and starter was only there for a few years in the late 70's, early 80's).


3-ply TP -- why not?  I could wander into TMI, but at this point I will let my sociological observations trump my scatological ones.
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Offline Hawkgirl

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #16 on: September 16, 2008, 08:47:09 PM »
I just may try it.  I admit, I'm a toilet paper snob.  I only like the soft stuff near my delicate areas and hate it when I go to someone's house that uses Scott or some other cheap toilet paper. :shucks:
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Offline Chris

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #17 on: September 16, 2008, 08:48:52 PM »
I hate the super ultra fluffy soft TP.  It just doesn't feel right.
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Offline Chris

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #18 on: September 16, 2008, 08:50:35 PM »
Quote from: bijou on September 16, 2008, 10:23:54 AM
Hmmm...unimaginable luxury.  :rotf:

I hate to say it, but your comment immediately put the image of wiping yourself with a Rolls-Royce in my head.  Are they in the toilet paper business?

Maybe I can get a silver-trimmed, polished wood, and leather-upholstered TP hanger.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #19 on: September 16, 2008, 08:59:45 PM »
Quote from: Chris on September 16, 2008, 08:48:52 PM
I hate the super ultra fluffy soft TP.  It just doesn't feel right.

I got over that after college -- now, there is no luxury too luxurious for my behind.  I would put in a bidet, but my wife thinks it is an indulgence.
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Offline Chris

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #20 on: September 16, 2008, 09:03:16 PM »
Quote from: freedumb2003 on September 16, 2008, 08:59:45 PM
I got over that after college -- now, there is no luxury too luxurious for my behind.  I would put in a bidet, but my wife thinks it is an indulgence.


I wouldn't mind one of those, but I rent. 
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Offline Hawkgirl

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #21 on: September 16, 2008, 09:27:42 PM »
Quote from: freedumb2003 on September 16, 2008, 08:59:45 PM
Quote from: Chris on September 16, 2008, 08:48:52 PM
I hate the super ultra fluffy soft TP.  It just doesn't feel right.

I got over that after college -- now, there is no luxury too luxurious for my behind.  I would put in a bidet,


 :agree:
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Offline Chris_

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #22 on: September 16, 2008, 10:11:54 PM »
Quote from: Chris on September 16, 2008, 08:48:52 PM
I hate the super ultra fluffy soft TP.  It just doesn't feel right.
The stuff they use in Europe is closer to newsprint, but then their papers are well suited to it.
:rimshot:
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Offline thundley4

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #23 on: September 17, 2008, 06:13:07 PM »
 :old: When I was a kid, we had the Sears and Roebucks Catalogue and were happy, dadgummit.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: 3-ply toilet paper launches today
« Reply #24 on: September 17, 2008, 08:13:15 PM »
Quote from: thundley4 on September 17, 2008, 06:13:07 PM
:old: When I was a kid, we had the Sears and Roebucks Catalogue and were happy, dadgummit.
City Slicker! 
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