I'm going to generously award this bouncy one full bong. The prose was well written, but a touch hackneyed to the point they were composing it for days.
Of course it can't rank any higher because it didn't begin with "so", no conversion, cops jumping out of bushes (although sort of since "Carlos" disappeared"), nor massive applause.
And it was almost as if this was written around the overly dramatic last statement: A man, his livelihood and his American dream are all as though they never existed. That was absolutely Wee Willie Pitt-esc and eminently puke-worthy.
A fine attempt, perhaps you can improve your bouncy skills.