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Author Topic: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop  (Read 2880 times)

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Offline bijou

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Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« on: September 04, 2008, 07:53:20 AM »
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A man addicted to masturbation and flashing coffee makers has thanked police for catching him saying he needs a hand to stop.

The Washington State man, 20, said he was addicted to fondling himself at drive-thru espresso stands and exposing himself to baristas.

But when finally caught he told police he was happy officers finally caught up with him.

'Thank you for catching me. I need to stop and I can't do it alone,' the man allegedly told police.

Since February at least seven baristas have reported that the man exposed himself when he drove up to their stands.

His weekly flashings finished on May 23 after the man hit two espresso stands in Monroe.

...
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Offline DarkHalo

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2008, 08:33:53 AM »
He really needs to get a grip on himself.
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Offline bijou

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2008, 08:34:52 AM »
Quote from: DarkHalo on September 04, 2008, 08:33:53 AM
He really needs to get a grip on himself.
I hope the message will now filter through to him.
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Offline DarkHalo

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2008, 08:40:09 AM »
Quote from: bijou on September 04, 2008, 08:34:52 AM
Quote from: DarkHalo on September 04, 2008, 08:33:53 AM
He really needs to get a grip on himself.
I hope the message will now filter through to him.

I wonder if he was also yelling "Im starbuck naked!" as he did it.
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"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf" - George Orwell

Offline bijou

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2008, 08:42:23 AM »
Quote from: DarkHalo on September 04, 2008, 08:40:09 AM
Quote from: bijou on September 04, 2008, 08:34:52 AM
Quote from: DarkHalo on September 04, 2008, 08:33:53 AM
He really needs to get a grip on himself.
I hope the message will now filter through to him.

I wonder if he was also yelling "Im starbuck naked!" as he did it.
:lmao:
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Offline DarkHalo

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2008, 08:45:14 AM »
Quote from: bijou on September 04, 2008, 08:42:23 AM
Quote from: DarkHalo on September 04, 2008, 08:40:09 AM
Quote from: bijou on September 04, 2008, 08:34:52 AM
Quote from: DarkHalo on September 04, 2008, 08:33:53 AM
He really needs to get a grip on himself.
I hope the message will now filter through to him.

I wonder if he was also yelling "Im starbuck naked!" as he did it.
:lmao:

Sorry, bad pun I know but it was just too obvious to pass up.  :thatsright:
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Offline jtyangel

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2008, 09:55:18 AM »
Ahh, he's just a regular JOE. Sounds like his problem has been BREWING for a while.
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Offline Thor

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2008, 09:56:09 AM »
I guess his habits will GRIND to a halt.........
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2008, 11:58:16 AM »
Quote from: bijou on September 04, 2008, 07:53:20 AM
Quote
A man addicted to masturbation and flashing coffee makers has thanked police for catching him saying he needs a hand to stop.

The Washington State man, 20, said he was addicted to fondling himself at drive-thru espresso stands and exposing himself to baristas.

But when finally caught he told police he was happy officers finally caught up with him.

'Thank you for catching me. I need to stop and I can't do it alone,' the man allegedly told police.

Since February at least seven baristas have reported that the man exposed himself when he drove up to their stands.

His weekly flashings finished on May 23 after the man hit two espresso stands in Monroe.

...
link
Sounds like the police have sufficient grounds for his arrest.
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Offline jtyangel

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2008, 01:23:16 PM »
They should be sure to FILTER all the perverts out of society. I hope they ROAST this guy. Okthxby...it has BEAN fun. :uhsure: :-)
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Offline bijou

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #10 on: September 04, 2008, 01:24:47 PM »
Quote from: jtyangel on September 04, 2008, 01:23:16 PM
They should be sure to FILTER all the perverts out of society. I hope they ROAST this guy. Okthxby...it has BEAN fun. :uhsure: :-)
I love the way you were able to blend so many puns together in one sentence.
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Offline Thor

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2008, 02:13:14 PM »
I'm wondering if the coffee PERKED him up ?!?!?!? He's obviously the DREGS of society.......
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"The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation."- IBID

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"Congress has not unlimited powers to provide for the general welfare, but only those specifically enumerated."-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Lord Undies

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #12 on: September 04, 2008, 02:34:22 PM »
Poor guy.  We need to look at this through his filter.  This trouble has probably been brewing his whole life.  He is obviously weak.  He's a basket case.  His life has not been all sweet cream and sugar.  He has grounds for a defense.

Or he could have just switched to decaf.
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Offline RobJohnson

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #13 on: September 04, 2008, 02:34:48 PM »
Did he spill the beans?
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2008, 08:05:16 AM »
Just whipping up his own cream for the coffee. ....and he needs two lumps, not one.
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Offline DarkHalo

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #15 on: September 05, 2008, 08:25:24 AM »
The first time I read that he was exposing himself to 'coffee makers' I wasnt thinking of baristas I had this mental image of him standing in front  a big shiny  chrome coffee urn style coffee maker with his trench coat held open.  :banghead:

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Offline Chris_

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Re: Coffee masturbator tells police he needs a hand to stop
« Reply #16 on: September 05, 2008, 11:52:49 AM »
Quote from: bijou on September 04, 2008, 01:24:47 PM
Quote from: jtyangel on September 04, 2008, 01:23:16 PM
They should be sure to FILTER all the perverts out of society. I hope they ROAST this guy. Okthxby...it has BEAN fun. :uhsure: :-)
I love the way you were able to blend so many puns together in one sentence.
Was he from Java?  :-)
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If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.
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