Author Topic: Ms. Vanderbilt-Astor almost kills husband with cat  (Read 221 times)

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Offline franksolich

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Ms. Vanderbilt-Astor almost kills husband with cat
« on: May 17, 2018, 08:42:57 PM »
https://jackpineradicals.com/boards/topic/a-bloody-incident-in-the-night/

Oh my.

But it's a relief from reading Der Sturmer over there.

Quote
NJCher (3042 posts)    May 17, 2018 at 7:43 am
 
A Bloody Incident in the Night

Last night we were sleeping per our usual, cat in between us.  Our cat’s name is Greenlee and she can sometimes stretch out horizontally, taking up way too much space in the bed.  So I picked her up and moved her more to the middle of the bed. Problem was that in the dark, I shoved her right into the RG’s (Resident Gourmand) face, and he ended up with scratches on his nose, his hands, etc. I turned the lights on and there was blood everywhere!
I immediately applied antibiotics, because as you know, a cat’s claws are about the dirtiest thing out there.  I felt horrible.

However, this morning when I fixed him up with rubbing alcohol, bandaids, and antibiotic cream, I saw it turned out to be just a minor scratch. He said he didn’t know how he was going to explain the scratch on his nose at the espresso bar he goes to every morning.

It made me recall another nighttime cat incident where I was walking in the dark and my cat was whisking around my ankles. I picked her up and held her in front of my face, even though I couldn’t see her, and told her off. I said, “Dammit, I’ve told you a million times to stay away from my feet. What is wrong with you?  Do you like getting stepped on?!!!”  When I finished my tirade, I felt a tail swish across my face and realized I’d been talking to a cat butt in the dark the whole time.

Might as well, for all the good it does me.

What Ms. Vanderbilt-Astor doesn't seem to understand is that every time she talks to the jackpiners, it's as if she's talking to cats' asses anyway.

Offline DUmpsterDiver

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Re: Ms. Vanderbilt-Astor almost kills husband with cat
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2018, 09:18:37 PM »
>I turned the lights on and there was blood everywhere!

TMI.  The nights of red satin regarding the "flower-de-exist" should be more personal than excreting it in the DUmp.

If it bleeds, it leads...I assume.

Offline SVPete

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Re: Ms. Vanderbilt-Astor almost kills husband with cat
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2018, 06:58:13 AM »
"My husband got his face all scratched up at a cat house sleeping with one of the cats." :rimshot:
Facts don't matter to DUpipo

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Offline Skul

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Re: Ms. Vanderbilt-Astor almost kills husband with cat
« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2018, 12:52:23 PM »
I'm surprised she didn't tongue that pus cat's butt.
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Offline Old n Grumpy

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Re: Ms. Vanderbilt-Astor almost kills husband with cat
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2018, 02:01:26 PM »
I'm surprised she didn't tongue that pus cat's butt.

She did but isn't telling!! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
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