
I'm still laughin.....
You know, I had a really bad time with the sanitary facilities in the socialist paradises of the workers and peasants.
The first time I saw the interior of a socialist toilet, I screamed, "NO WAY. NO ****ING WAY. NO WAY. THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! THIS IS BEASTLY! NO WAY. NO ****ING WAY. OUTRAGEOUS!"
It was a good thing no one understood English; it was the very best sanitary facility around, and they all were proud of it. Perhaps they thought I was impressed, or at least I hope so.
I have no idea how the Hell I managed it, but I spent more than two years without once using socialist facilities; always managing to hold it in until I reached porcelain waterworks somewhere. I suspect the secret to my success was my lifelong philosophy, "If you don't want it to come out, don't put it in, in the first place."
Because of the language barrier, Russians, Ukrainians, Moldovans, and Belarussians had to do what I do in real life; watch, rather than listen. It was frequently commented I had superhuman intestines. The longest I went without any of this sitting-down business was eight days, a fact which my "interpreter" blabbed all over a town of 10,000, after which I was constantly stared at and admired.
Towards the end, it was not comfortable, but I managed.
I did that by following my lifelong philosophy, "If you don't want it to come out, don't put it in, in the first place."
This phenomenon was first noticed when I was a little lad, and the family took camping trips. From home in central Nebraska, all the way through Iowa and Minnesota and Wisconsin and Michigan and Ontario and Quebec and New York, down to northeastern Pennsylvania, I steadfastly refused to use sanitary facilities for any of the sitting-down business. I always managed to hold it in for several days, until reaching my grandmother's house.
And then on the trip back, through Pennsylvania and Ohio and Indiana and Illinois and Iowa halfway through Nebraska, I always managed to hold it in for several days, until reaching our home again.
If one doesn't want it to come out, don't put it in, in the first place.