(a) - actual occurrences; (p) - probable occurrences
1. Had an affair with a skank whore while his wife was suffering from cancer (a);
2. Did it while portraying himself as an absolutely trustworthy candidate for POTUS (a);
3. Knocked up said skank whore (p);
4. Probably insisted that she have an abortion, until she threatened to out their affair (p);
5. Paid a flunkie an obscene amount of money to claim paternity (p);
6. Paid his skank whore a HUGELY obscene amount of money to go along with the flunkie story (p);
7. Smiled a slimy, ambulance-chaser's smile as he thought he'd tied it all off (a);
8. Started to sweat as the skank whore wanted more than just money (p);
9. Visited her and the baby at the Beverly Hills Hotel (a);
10. Got caught and ran, crying in a locked men's room like the Breck Girl ***** that he is (a);
11. Paid National Enquirer many millions for the videotape of (10) (p);
12. Lied his sorry balls off about (1), (9), and (10) (a);
13. Had the question put to him by the DNC (a);
14. Wondered how much the Clintons paid his skank whore to seduce him in the first place (p);
15. Finally confessed (a), with a death grip on the fact that no one can compel a paternity test to prove the kid is his (p);
16. Now worries less about his wife's cancer than his skank whore someday getting bored and demanding a paternity test (a).
That's pretty much the size of it.
Screaming "Bush lied, kids died" doesn't help with any of it, either.
