I picked "other" before reading that you were personally unwilling to arm yourself with some sort of lead launcher, because you don't want to learn how to use it.
That's a personal choice that I can respect.
Please permit me to suggest it anyway
1. You should use no weapon you are not willing to USE. If all you want to do is show it, it had better induce involuntary urination. The business end of a boomstick will have a greater effect in that regard than a non-boom stick.
2. If you are close enough to USE a non-ranged weapon, such as a non-boom stick, your opposition is close enough to try to take it away from you and use it on you. Your decision regarding stick acquisition should be based in part on your conviction that you will be able to retain and use it regardless of your opposition's efforts to remove or resist it.
3. Ranged weapons have this going for them: The fastest man alive was timed at 3.212 feet per second. He probably wasn't up to that speed from a standing start. A .38 Special bullet from a four inch barrel will be doing over 750 feet per second at the moment it leaves the gun. I think you can guess who would win that race.
4. As to training, things that go bang come in various levels of technical complexity. My wife looks at my semi-auto rifles with the expression of a stunned goose, but likes the basic point-and-click interface of her 1940s-era revolver.
5. The hardest part of my wife's "learning to use" said revolver was her getting used to the idea that it is really loud. Your own "training" will skip that step.
Aside from that...go with "aluminum baseball bat"
