My reverse Bouncy Tale

[FlippyDoo]

So last week word got out of a possible DU “protest” in my area. Knowing that almost any liberal “protest” results in garbage being left everywhere and the destruction of property, the good and decent citizens in the area were concerned. Since it was planned to happen in my district the Fictional Spirit-Guide Corps assigned me to make sure that it did not get out hand.

I spent the day formulating a plan. I wanted to be able to accomplish the task without actually touching any of the DUmmies as I was just finishing up a round of antibiotics from the last time I inadvertently bumped into a DUmmie.

I finally decided on a blend-in plan in which I’d go in undercover and only react if trouble started. I took my rattiest looking work clothes and rolled them around in the dirt to get the right look. I did the same with an old worn out duffle bag which I had filled with hand sanitizer just in case. I then mussed up my feathers and headed to the site.

There were 10 or 15 DUmmies attending which I  suppose when converted to liberalese numbering means there were ‘thousands’ there.

Unfortunately my plan began to fall apart almost immediately. It was completely my fault. I had forgotten that I’m the fictional spirit-guide with no smell whatsoever. Having no smell is definitely not a DUmmie trait.

The first DUmmie I encountered called me on it. He/she/it wrinkled its nose and said, “Hey, you don’t smell!” I had to think fast or the entire assignment would be a bust. I quickly answered, “Uh, yeah, on my way here a cop jumped out the bushes and sprayed me with some sort of unscented Febreze.” It bought my explanation and with spittle flying from its mouth like an angry Mount Vesuvius it told the other DUmmies how I had been ‘assaulted’ by ‘The Man’.   

With all DUmmie eyes now upon me, I decided to change my plan. Instead of a blend-in strategy I decided to go with a head-DUmmie in charge strategy.  Being careful not to actually touch any of them I carefully moved to the front of the DUmmie horde. Once there I placed by duffle bag on a bench behind me. I faced them and said, “Thank you all for coming here today.” They all clapped their hands. As I turned and bent down to open my duffle bag I continued, “To accomplish our goals we will all have to WORK very hard and in my bag I have a list of JOBS for each and every one of us.” When i stood back up and turned to face the ‘crowd’ everyone was gone.

Apparently there was no conversions. They all remained DUmmies.

[Delmar]

DUzy

[miskie]

K&R

[fatboy]

The local Dummy troupe decided that it was the right time to picket the US post office. The complaint: to stop any talk about a discontinuation of Saturday delivery of junk mail and to complain that the post office has to cut back on workers to use funds to fully pay 800 years worth of pensions in advance.

So, I dug up an old ASCME t-shirt that I found at the sally for 25 cents and formulated a plan. I beginning to think that flippy has imbedded a probe in my brain because my plan to disrupt the picketers is very similar in it's theory. Anyway, I put on my t shirt and grabbed a megaphone, drum circle drum and a clip board. I also grabbed a couple of quaaludes just in case.

When I got to the PO, I kicked some homeless person off a bench and started to address the crowd of 3 picketers. I said "lady and gentlemen, we are here to protest the double sexism of the PO." "These persons who invented the PO are a bunch of sexist homophobes". "Here we are in the 21 first century and the US PO continues to proclaim double sexism, this must stop now!"

As I stopped to take a swig of bottled water, one of the two men on the picket line asked me what I was talking about this double sexism. I educated him thus; "who delivers your mail to your home?" The protester stated that he had a "mail man", he admitted to being uneasy about calling him a "mail man" and preferred to call him a "mail person" but traditions are hard to break.

I told the man that his thinking is incorrect that "mail" is code for "male" and that his addressing his "mail man" was the same as calling he/she/it a "male male" and this double mailness might make him uncomfortable and perhaps suicidal. I asked "Did you not think that perhaps your "mail man" might be transitioning to be gender neutral and might be sensitive about being thought of as a person of gender?" I informed this Dummy that our fathers didn't want women to read the mail and actually didn't want women to read anything. That is why we have "mail men" to deliver "male mail".

At this point the three Dummy protestors are literally crying and ashamed for being sexist because they refer to their mail carrier as one that carries a male person but not a female person. I had to jump into the bushes to escape from them trying to make me their Glorious Maximum Leader.

[dixierose]

This thread gave me a much needed laugh today. Thanks & High Fives.