I’m going to cheat here, using some old material. I wrote it a while back, but maybe perhaps only about six people, five of them lurking primitives, bothered to read it—and so this should be new, or mostly new, to anyone else.
The last part of it however is wholly new, never before posted, myself having a second dream.
It’s always mystified me how primitives who were so enthusiastic about Messalina Agrippina back in 1992 and 1996, but then this year turned on her. Why this rather rude lack of gratitude towards someone who gave them much?- - - - - - - - -
In 1992, the Democrats, liberals, and primitives were a disheartened group, having been shut out of the White House for twelve years, and given the success of the War for the Liberation of Kuwait in 1991, for a while there it looked as if they’d be shut out for yet another four years.
But during their darkest hours, suddenly appeared Messalina Agrippina.
She got her husband elected president not once but twice, and there were all those things she accomplished during his eight years in office. The primitives were rolling in clover, getting everything and anything they wanted.
She gave them unlimited abortions, and ushered in the slippery slope for gay marriage. The primitives were given lots of stuff; to normal people, it seemed as if there wasn’t anything more that they’d want, and they’d be grateful to Messalina Agrippina forever.
Apparently we underestimated the sheer greed of Democrats, liberals, and primitives; they had it all, but they wanted more, more even than what all existed to give them.- - - - - - - - -
Once in a while like the late Martin Luther King, franksolich has a dream; a dream about justice finally descending upon the world.
The other week, I had such a dream. I dreamed Methuselah had won the presidency—something likely to happen only in franksolich’s dreams—and was getting ready to give all sorts of free stuff to those who’d supported him.
Now, being of the opposite political party, franksolich had no “in†with Santa Bernie, but just as in real life, when I need something, even from someone who doesn’t like me, I always know someone who knows someone who knows someone—in this case, someone who knew someone who knew someone who could get the ear of Methuselah.- - - - - - - - - -
franksolich has a dream. In my dream the following telephone conversation took place:
Santa Bernie [in the Oval Office]: Hey, dude! How the Hell are you? How’s it hanging?
fofofofs [friend of friend of friend of franksolich]: Pretty good man, but I gotta ask something from you; something you need to do for franksolich.
Santa Bernie: Hey, how’s frank doing these days? I don’t imagine he’s too happy, being on the losing side, but I’m sure he’ll get over it. frank’s a class act, a good man, and one can’t keep a good man down. I always wished he were on our side instead of the other, especially since most of what we got are lazy fat guys idly biding time until the undertaker’s ready.
fofofofs: frank’s about as fine as he can be, man; he had that heart attack last year, and while he’s doing okay, he still makes people nervous, fearful that he’s going to slip out of our lives when we least expect it.
Santa Bernie: Well, while he’s still here, what can I do for frank?
fofofofs: Well, there’s this guy, WillyT; you know him.
Santa Bernie: Yeah, Skippy’s stooge; the leader of the bullies on Skins’s island until he was kicked off for his rudeness. That was quite a sacrifice he made on my behalf, and I’m sure he expects to be suitably rewarded. I suppose we can; what’s frank want done for him?
fofofofs: Actually, frank doesn’t want a damned thing done for him. You see, when someone gives WillyT things, he’s ungrateful, and turns on them. Look at all the goodies he got from Messalina Agrippina, and despite all that largesse, he turned on her, supporting you instead. This guy has no sense of gratitude.
Santa Bernie: Oh.
fofofofs: So you shouldn’t give him anything, because no matter how much you give him, he’s going to turn on you.
Santa Bernie: Okay, if frank thinks so, we won’t give WillyT anything.
fofofofs: Good, but that’s not all frank wants. Besides not giving WillyT anything, he also thinks you need to take things he already has, away from him, so he’ll learn to be grateful for what other people give him.
Santa Bernie: No problem; what’s he want me to take away from him?
fofofofs: frank thinks he makes too much money; and you’ve got to admit $39,000 a year for a state governmental file clerk, a job that demands no education, no skills, does seem high.
Santa Bernie: Whoa. Thirty-nine thou for a file clerk? But I’m president of the United States, with no authority over employment by the states. What can I do?
fofofofs: Well, true, you don’t have that official authority, but what governor of what state’s going to ignore a, uh, personal request from the president of the United States?
Santa Bernie: Okay, tell frank I’ll take care of it; we’ll get his pay cut down to a more reasonable level, something like $12,000 a year.
- - - - - - - - -
That dream was some weeks ago, and then this afternoon, franksolich had a second dream, during which time the following was said:
Santa Bernia: Hey dude, it’s good to hear from you again.
fofofofs: Yeah, and I’m sorry to impose on you, but franksolich wanted me to call. He wants to double-check, to be sure you’re not giving WillyT anything, because if you do, he’s going to be ungrateful anyway. franksolich is really worried about this; he doesn’t think people who’re ungrateful for what they’re given should get anything.
Santa Bernie: Oh, but you can assure our good pal frank that I already took care of the matter; not only was WillyT’s pay cut from $39,000 down to $12,000, but it also seemed he was rather overendowed with fringe benefits, and so we took away about two-thirds of them.
fofofofs: Good good good. I’ll tell frank—
Santa Bernie: Wait, don’t go yet; there’s more. When trying to redistribute the wealth, there wasn’t enough to go around, and so we had to cut some people out.
fofofofs: Hmmmmm. Who’d you cut?
Santa Bernie: Well, normally, we’d cut out the wealthy and Republicans, but frank got us to thinking about people who turn against those who give them things. I’m happy to give free stuff to those who supported me, but they have to be people who aren’t likely to turn on me.
fofofofs: How’d you determine who’d turn, and who probably wouldn’t?
Santa Bernie: Well, if somebody supported Messalina Agrippina back when her husband was president, but then supported me this time, instead of her, it’s a sure sign that no matter how much free stuff one gives them, they’ll turn.
fofofofs: Sheer genius, sir, sheer genius.
Santa Bernie: Yeah. If they turned on Messalina Agrippina, they’ll turn on me. So no point in giving them a damned thing. They’re expecting all this free stuff because they supported me, but they’ve got another think coming.
