thunderthighs asks for advice

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027819938

Oh my.

My advice has always been "dump him, divorce him, throw him out," because it's sorely obvious he doesn't respect her anyway.

fizzgig (23,934 posts)    Mon May 9, 2016, 10:05 PM

i need some advice on being a longer-term caregiver
 
my husband is recovering from a nasty bout of pneumonia that landed him in the hospital over the weekend. the infection was so bad that there is a possibility he will be on oxygen for two or three months and i'm going to have to provide for us in every way.

the monetary stress we'll face once the bills start rolling in is one thing, but my bigger concern is how i can be the most effective in caring for him. he is only 38 and is having a hard time wrapping his head around this, especially since it's been years since he has had anything worse than a mild cold. he woke up early this morning, yelling about how being on they oxygen just isn't going to work and really isn't an option and i can tell he's already getting depressed about it.

how do i help him understand that he was very, very sick and this is what he needs to get better? how do i help him understand that these things happen without rhyme or reason? i didn't handle this morning very well because he woke me out of a dead sleep with his upset, i just yelled back at him that he doesn't have a choice and to just get used to the thought (and i feel like such a jackass for it).

i already talked to him about me making an appointment for him to go to someone, but he flat out refuses to do that. how do i get him to understand that just getting out and sitting in the sun at the park for a bit will help him feel better? how do i get him to eat? how do i get him to do anything but sleep?

i need to know how to be patient with him, i need to know what i can be doing for him, i need to know what i can do to keep myself going and keeping up with everything around the house while caring for him and working full time at a job i hate. i'd go back to my therapist but there just isn't going to be money for it.

i've already started trimming a bit of fat from the budget* and can do enough trimming that we should be able to scrape by provided the rent doesn't go up too much with our next lease (moving is out of the question). my dad said he will help us a bit and i'm sure we can get a bit of help from my in-laws. the only assistance we qualify for is the food bank, so i'm going down there this week to get us signed up.

i'm posting this here because it's more heavily trafficked than the lounge and i'm really at a loss right now. i've been fighting tears

i'm going to go hang out with a friend for a bit but will be back later to check on this. thanks in advance, duers, you guys are a good lot.

*it might help, and considerably so, if she cut dope out of the budget.

Major Nikon (22,282 posts)    Mon May 9, 2016, 10:09 PM

2. Your primary care physician can prescribe anti-depressants
 
So rather than going to see a specialist, which he may not want to do, you can just see your regular doctor for a prescription.

SSRIs are available in generic form, are very safe, and are quite effective for short term depression.

fizzgig (23,934 posts)    Tue May 10, 2016, 12:00 AM

22. he refuses to engage in any manner of mental health treatment due to one bad experience in his 20s
 
he gets angry and defensive at the mere implication that he might be depressed, but i will revisit the issue at a later date if this lasts as long as it could.

it frustrates me to no end, but i know it's not the right time to really push the issue.

But she probably lets him "treat" himself with dope.

[Carl]

Fizzy the freak has likely been a bitch on steroids to him but in her stoned out,hormonal haze is certain it is all his fault.
Within a week she be talking of leaving him.

[USA4ME]

fizzgig

the monetary stress we'll face once the bills start rolling in is one thing... i'd go back to my therapist but there just isn't going to be money for it....  i've already started trimming a bit of fat from the budget and can do enough trimming that we should be able to scrape by provided the rent doesn't go up too much with our next lease (moving is out of the question). my dad said he will help us a bit and i'm sure we can get a bit of help from my in-laws. the only assistance we qualify for is the food bank, so i'm going down there this week to get us signed up.

Fund-raiser Time!!!

Nice set-up, fizzy! You can start exploiting your fellow primitives in just a few days.

.

[Big Dog]

fizzy's financial woes and depression have a common solution: The Tucson Tart Plan.

She'll meet lots of new people, and make money- $5 at a time.

I have no doubt Boulder has a plasma center with a Dumpster in the alley.

[franksolich]

Well, this is cheerful; the guy's not as large as Omaha Steve, but he's large.

Peace Patriot (23,682 posts)    Tue May 10, 2016, 05:16 AM

48. The single most toxic and misery-creating aspect of being bedridden is constipation.
 
I should have mentioned this above. I'm adding it here so you'll notice it. Take the advice of someone who sees this problem all the time. Constipation is often the root cause of depression and certainly of bad temper in a bedridden patient. And it sounds like your guy is the kind of man who wouldn't want to admit it (more dependency issues). So be proactive. If he is in bed for even just a week, it's a very good chance that he will become constipated (he probably already is), and that will color his entire outlook--creating a constant bad mood--and it can curb his appetite and retard his desire to sit up or walk when he should otherwise be ready to move around more.

Also, the heavy antibiotics for pneumonia will wreak havoc with his intestinal flora and fauna. He may need pro-biotics (to replace good intestinal f & f), or real yogurt. The likely result of heavy antibiotics will be constipation. (His bowels won't be processing food very well, and his lack of activity will further slow down his digestion.) But diarrhea could also occur. Potato soup is good for diarrhea. Try to find out if one or the other is occurring--constipation or diarrhea--and always be cautious with remedies, trying a little bit at first.

For constipation, give your husband a half a small glass of prune juice every morning, if he will drink it--or, if not, try alternatives: a small portion of stewed prunes, or stewed dried apricots, or a prune or two in yogurt, or a couple of chopped up prunes used like raisins in a fruit salad or with cereal; or watered down prune juice (to cut the taste if he doesn't like it); or a couple of tablespoons of prune juice in a fruit smoothie (taste disguised); or other dried fruits, or lots of different fruits fixed various ways in his diet.

Our grandmas knew this about sick, bedridden family members--they almost always get constipated. They often used castor oil as the remedy. But the taste is pretty bad to most people. (That's why Mary Poppins sings about "a spoonful of sugar"--governesses of that era regularly forced a teaspoon of castor oil down their young charges' throats to keep everybody "regular" and in a good mood.)

Not a pleasant topic, but THE most important topic for the bedridden! I guarantee that!

[DumbAss Tanker]

Peace Patriot (23,682 posts)    Tue May 10, 2016, 05:16 AM

48. The single most toxic and misery-creating aspect of being bedridden is constipation.

Well.  No shit.

[GOBUCKS]

It could be interesting if he fires up a doobie while he's on oxygen.

[DumbAss Tanker]

It could be interesting if he fires up a doobie while he's on oxygen.

 

[Karin]

watered down prune juice (to cut the taste if he doesn't like it); or a couple of tablespoons of prune juice in a fruit smoothie (taste disguised)

I've never actually consumed prune juice, but I hear it's awful.  Friend of mine had a little daughter with this problem, the doctor told her to force her to drink prune juice, and it was a major battle.  I have a question.  Couldn't the same benefit be derived from eating plums?  The little girl likes plums. 

[BlueStateSaint]

It could be interesting if he fires up a doobie while he's on oxygen.

Makes me think of a tune by the Doors . . .