Big Mo starting over with new beau

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11516051

Oh my.

mopinko (44,841 posts)    Mon Nov 16, 2015, 11:46 AM

the impact of depression on marriages.
 
i got a phone call the other day from you favorite nephew telling me that his wife of 20 years had filed for divorce.

his wife has been fighting a long term battle w depression. she had bad postpartum episodes after all 3 of their kids. she has struggled to be a working mom, including grad school and then a full time job.

nephew is a creative whose work life has been a little checkered, as it usually is. lots of freelance jobs, and a pretty long stint as mr mom.

from our past conversations, i really recognize her feelings as just like mine during my long, now ended, marriage. i tried to let him know a little more about the view from her side. i know he took it to heart.

but i think that she is dealing with the feelings of being trapped, which depression does to you. and the feelings of wanting your s.o. to rescue you, which, of course, and as unrealistic as they are understandable.

he is still trying to talk her out of it. but i can say that both the ex and i are starting over w new people (still pretty new, but delicious so far), and the weight of all those years has been lifted from both our shoulders. it is a glorious thing.

i am sure he will find someone new. he is a sweet, funny guy, and still cute. it will be tough on the kids, all in their teens. thankfully i think he has been present in their life enough that they will not fall victim to whatever divide and conquer games might play out between them as they go through all this.

i know in my case there was no way to heal all those wounds. i felt trapped, and that made him feel trapped, too. every little thing carried the weight of years of struggle for control. there was no way to just give, or take, anything any more.

but understanding it doesnt make the whole ****ing mess any less painful. such a ****ing waste.

damn these broken brains. 

elleng (62,159 posts)   Mon Nov 16, 2015, 11:59 AM

1. Best takeaway for me:
 
'starting over w new people (still pretty new, but delicious so far' 

'Real' depression won't be 'cured' by another partner, imo; it's a chemical thing. Very sad she's been through it for so long. Hoping your nephew sees the way to 'another' life, sounds like he will, but tough times for him.

^^^the husband-hating--even though he's been dead a long time now--elleng primitive.

mopinko (44,841 posts)    Mon Nov 16, 2015, 04:29 PM

3. doesnt "cure" it, but
 
it sure does lets you set down the weight of the past.

brain bleach is what i want.

it is gonna be hard for him. he has a very big heart, and every ounce of it is going to hurt for a long time.

at least he has me.* will see him in a couple weeks. gonna make sure he laughs out loud. 

*very true; at least he has Aunt Mo, which shouldn't be discounted--any port in a storm.

shenmue (25,085 posts)    Mon Nov 16, 2015, 01:20 PM

2. Very sorry

mopinko (44,841 posts)    Mon Nov 16, 2015, 04:30 PM

4. thx.
 
passages like this are always rocky. 

[Carl]

Imagine the putrid stench that has to emit from the crazy chicken scrunt.

[Big Dog]

Imagine the putrid stench that has to emit from the crazy chicken scrunt.

The first time her new friend goes down on her, he'll say, "Tastes like chicken... shit."

[thundley4]

she has struggled to be a working mom, including grad school and then a full time job.

nephew is a creative whose work life has been a little checkered, as it usually is. lots of freelance jobs, and a pretty long stint as mr mom.

I would say the son is a big part of what was causing the his wife's depression. It must be a soul sucking life to live with a DUmmie leech.

[Chris_]

When did "creative" become a noun and not an adjective?

[Carl]

When did "creative" become a noun and not an adjective?

When one needs a way to excuse a useless deadbeat.

[hillneck]

nephew is a creative whose work life has been a little checkered, as it usually is. lots of freelance jobs, and a pretty long stint as mr mom.

This sounds awful familiar with DUmmieland.  I wonder what his DU name?   

[franksolich]

When did "creative" become a noun and not an adjective?

I'm pretty familiar with what an overload of pharmaceutical drugs do to the brain.

Big Mo merely mis-wrote; she meant to write "creature."

<<<sees it all the time.

[DumbAss Tanker]

It may not be that hard for him to find a new relationship, but finding another fully-paid meal ticket will probably be a much bigger challenge.

[franksolich]

My, my.

comment 32:
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