primitive gets imposed upon by another likely primitive

[BattleHymn]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018799714

Sun Sep 20, 2015, 06:06 PM
Liberal Veteran (21,799 posts)

Who wants to offer some advice of the non-medical kind?

Sister-in-law is freeloading at her parent's home even though she makes plenty of money to afford a place of her own. Her adult son is coming home from court forced rehab and has nowhere to stay because her parents have put their foot down due some unpleasantness in the past.

She waits until she is on her way to the rehab place to fill out paperwork and calls my hubby asking him if it is okay for him to stay with us (a firm "no" would result in a major blow-up).

We just moved to the area recently to be near family (good and bad).

Quite honestly, I've already told hubby that the whole thing reeks of emotional blackmail and he gave into it.

His biggest concern is that sister will take it out (emotionally) on her parents who are already dealing with problems of their own including old age and health problems that have one of his parents playing caregiver to one of them.

I'm going to have to figure out a way to deal with this in-law and set clear boundaries, but being that I'm sort of on the periphery of family, I've got to find a way to start putting roadblocks up and make sure this doesn't happen again without playing the "choose between me or your blood kin".

Any advice would be appreciated.

Sun Sep 20, 2015, 07:33 PM
Star Member mnhtnbb (16,462 posts)
2. Families sure can be a PITA, can't they?

Setting clear boundaries is a GREAT idea and you are on the right track.

I would have a sit down serious discussion with your husband--working from that idea--and see
if you can get him to commit to having a similar discussion with his parents.

It wouldn't hurt to establish time limits for the hospitality of each household where
the SIL is freeloading, and also where her son is now going to stay with you.

Once the son arrives, I would urge you and your husband to present him with a clear and identifiable
set of boundaries at a minimum to include:

How long he can stay

What he does to contribute: rent and chores

House rules: when everybody is up and how late people stay up
sound levels night/day

Any drug use (I'm guessing that's the court ordered rehab) and he's GONE, immediately. You will put his stuff
out on the curb.

Sun Sep 20, 2015, 08:04 PM
Liberal Veteran (21,799 posts)
4. Agreed. I know it has to happen that way.

The drug use is 110% agreement. No second chances. I will not have that in my house.

As for how long he stays. I'm going to define some limits right up front.

Honestly, the only reason hubby agreed to this insanity is take some pressure off his parents. They were getting ready to capitulate already and I have to agree with hubby that him staying with hubby's parents was something that likely would have severe mental and physical health consequences when one of his parents is already in failing health (and shows signs of dementia). Hubby's heart is in the right place on this because he is doing it to avoid an unneeded burden on the parents rather than because of an obligation to his sister.

It's damned inconvenient, but I guess that's family. It was a lot easier when we lived 2000 miles away.

I hope I don't sound totally selfish, but I've learned that you have to avoid toxic entanglements even with family (my own being no exception).

Sun Sep 20, 2015, 07:43 PM
Star Member rug (69,966 posts)
3. You know, if you have the room and he doesn't relapse, let him stay.

There's almost always too much of an emotional investment anticipating these things than actually happens. Give your husband's parents a break, screw his sister, and welcome his brother. If he screws up, you can throw him out then. He may surprise you. Life is too short.

 

[freedumb2003b]

His biggest concern is that sister will take it out (emotionally) on her parents who are already dealing with problems of their own including old age and health problems that have one of his parents playing caregiver to one of them.

This is Exhibit A that liberals are infantilized their entire lives.  They can't deal with issues as grown ups since they need Nanny State, Nanny mom and dad and Nanny politicians to tell them what to do.

[Chris_]

It's like a microcosm of liberal ideology.

[DUmpsterDiver]

The DUmmy turnt up here ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iku4dx8DkF8

[fatboy]

Dummy rug as some good words...

Response to Liberal Veteran (Reply #5)

Sun Sep 20, 2015, 08:08 PM

Star Member rug (69,967 posts)

6. Best of luck

[BannedFromDU]

Sun Sep 20, 2015, 08:04 PM
Liberal Veteran (21,799 posts)

4. Agreed. I know it has to happen that way.

The drug use is 110% agreement. No second chances. I will not have that in my house.

     Wait a tick.

     Why would a liberal disallow drug use in his/her house, when it is in the liberal canon that all drugs should be legal?

     Isn't it also in the liberal canon that it's THEIR body, and THEIR choice to do with it what they will?

     How dare that liberal not permit drug use in their house.

     (of course, this DUmmy is really just afraid their stash will be discovered and stolen)

[Boudicca]

I'm going to have to figure out a way to deal with this in-law and set clear boundaries, but being that I'm sort of on the periphery of family, I've got to find a way to start putting roadblocks up and make sure this doesn't happen again without playing the "choose between me or your blood kin

DumbLiberalVet:  If, as you say, your husband's nephew is moving in with you, got news for you.  You ARE NOT on the periphery of anything, and you'd better keep all your valuables under lock and key.  As for your hubby, he's not only enabling his sister and her son, but his parents as well.  You should have stayed 2000 miles away.
Someone has to be the first to say loud and clear NO ****ING WAY.  Get the nephew to a halfway house or something.  And don't worry, odds are he'll be in jail before too long anyway. 
There you go, free advice. 

[BannedFromDU]

I'm going to have to figure out a way to deal with this in-law and set clear boundaries, but being that I'm sort of on the periphery of family, I've got to find a way to start putting roadblocks up and make sure this doesn't happen again without playing the "choose between me or your blood kin

DumbLiberalVet:  If, as you say, your husband's nephew is moving in with you, got news for you.  You ARE NOT on the periphery of anything, and you'd better keep all your valuables under lock and key.  As for your hubby, he's not only enabling his sister and her son, but his parents as well.  You should have stayed 2000 miles away.
Someone has to be the first to say loud and clear NO ****ING WAY.  Get the nephew to a halfway house or something.  And don't worry, odds are he'll be in jail before too long anyway. 
There you go, free advice.

     This will fall on deaf ears. The main issue here, anyway, is the anxiery of having one's stash found and smoked/snorted/mainlined. The rest is just soap opera drama.

[fatboy]

Now is the time to hide the silverware.   

[BannedFromDU]

Now is the time to hide the silverware.   

No need. This is clearly a liberal druggie, else the DUmmy would have made sure to identify the kin as a "knuckle-dragging blahblahblah."  As such, this DUmmy has nothing to fear. All drugs should be legal, so the addicted kin is just being a good American, so far as the DUmmy is concerned. All's well. Just find a good spot for the drugs, and all will be swell in 0bamaland.

[Boudicca]

     This will fall on deaf ears. The main issue here, anyway, is the anxiery of having one's stash found and smoked/snorted/mainlined. The rest is just soap opera drama.

True, I guess it almost always is a waste of oxygen to give advice to idiots.  I just hope there are no small children or impressionable teens in the house to be harmed by this douchebag nephew.

[tanstaafl]

I'm going to have to figure out a way to deal with this in-law and set clear boundaries, but being that I'm sort of on the periphery of family, I've got to find a way to start putting roadblocks up and make sure this doesn't happen again without playing the "choose between me or your blood kin

DumbLiberalVet:  If, as you say, your husband's nephew is moving in with you, got news for you.  You ARE NOT on the periphery of anything, and you'd better keep all your valuables under lock and key.  As for your hubby, he's not only enabling his sister and her son, but his parents as well.  You should have stayed 2000 miles away.
Someone has to be the first to say loud and clear NO ****ING WAY.  Get the nephew to a halfway house or something.  And don't worry, odds are he'll be in jail before too long anyway. 
There you go, free advice.

Truer words are seldom spoken, Boudicca. And you've hit the nail on the head.

Allow me to gaze into my crystal ball. Ah, yes. It's all coming into focus. Nephew will suffer a 'relapse'. Since his rehab was court ordered, he has no skin in that game, was never his choice and it was just a time-passing game for him.

Results, altho' we may not hear of it from the DUmp: nephew is back to his old habits before the sun sets on Friday. And everything that isn't nailed down, with glue and surrounded by barbed wire, will be gone. The best liberal vegetarian primitive can hope far is that nephew takes the 'borrowed' items to a pawn shop in town, not to the neighboring county.

[Boudicca]

Truer words are seldom spoken, Boudicca. And you've hit the nail on the head.

Allow me to gaze into my crystal ball. Ah, yes. It's all coming into focus. Nephew will suffer a 'relapse'. Since his rehab was court ordered, he has no skin in that game, was never his choice and it was just a time-passing game for him.

Results, altho' we may not hear of it from the DUmp: nephew is back to his old habits before the sun sets on Friday. And everything that isn't nailed down, with glue and surrounded by barbed wire, will be gone. The best liberal vegetarian primitive can hope far is that nephew takes the 'borrowed' items to a pawn shop in town, not to the neighboring county.

Thanks, and I totally agree with you that the moron and her husband will be perusing the aisles of their local pawn shops soon in hopes of retrieving an heirloom or twenty.  But if I were a betting woman, I'd lay odds they're going to repeat this pattern more than once.  Some people are born addicts and some are born stupid.