Here you go. 
That is the greatly feared one eyed one horned flying purple people eater.
The Danger[edit]
PurpleTwinkie
Remains of an attack
Do not ever ever ever under-estimate the ferocity of the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple People Eater. This beast can grow to and average of 666' tall and weigh approximately 69 tons. With razor sharp teeth it can rip through any material in the world, with the exception of the skin of Stephen Colbert. This creature's one giant eye, which can extend as much as 2.5' in diameter, can see for 7 miles and possesses X-ray, Infrared, Spinach, and Banana Nut vision. Only three people in the world have survived a One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple People Eater attack by fighting back: Stephen Colbert, Chuck Norris, and Jesus H. Christ. However, Mr. Norris sustained terrible gashes to the buttocks and Mr. Christ, while trying to pray the beast away, was stabbed through his wrists with the razor sharp horn. These wounds were later blamed on the nails of the cross when he was crucified, in order to jump start the Catholic Faith.
There is a mere chance of 2 to the power of 602,200,000,000,000,000,000,001 against of survival when coming in contact with a One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple People Eater. There are three rare situations where the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple People Eater won't want to eat a helpless victim, however.
The first is if the vicious creature simply just finished one meal and has already filled its appetite. While they are extremely vicious creatures, One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple People Eaters are very self-conscious. They possess absolutely no self-esteem what so ever because other horned, eyed, people eater species will make fun of them calling them either "One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple, Fatties" or "You're the ****ing purple people eater version of Michael Moore, bitch!" These aren't all that great insults (granted they do come from the minds of bears), but the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple People Eaters are still very hurt by them and have once been known to have run home crying for their mommies.
Of course since the chance of survival when meeting a One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple People Eater is also equal to the chance of actually meeting one. Finding an already full beast is extremely rare.
No one knows the second.
The third is that you taste bad. One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple People Eaters have 6 very sensitive taste buds and if your flavor disagrees with any of these six, the beast won't eat you. In order to test for this before eating a victim, the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple People Eater will simply lick a person before chowing down. If you are licked by a One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple People Eater and it decides not to eat you, you have your life but are turned purple for the rest of your days. There are only around a dozen people still alive today who have survived an attack this way. They are pictured here:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/One-eyed,_one-horned,_flying,_purple,_people_eater
