DUchebag 1: I have a lot of cats and they sometimes do their business on the floor. I asked my mother for help because I don't like their business squishing through my toes. She said she would send me something and I just got these two things that are supposed to go on my feet. Each one has two stringy things. I need help in what to do with these stringy thingys. Right now the stringy thingys make me trip. I know you are the smartest people in the world so I'm sure you can help me.
DUchebag 2: Have you thought about cutting the stringy thingys so you can't trip on them? My sister did that and she a super smart social worker.
DUchebag 3: I've heard of cutting those stringy thingys off but my husband cut himself while doing that. Thank god for Obama Care or we would have had to pay for an ER visit!!!! Can you remove them in a safer and saner manner?
DUchebag 1: Thanks for the suggestions. You are right knives and scissors are intimidating. Now I have another problem. When I trip on the stringy thingys my foot sometimes comes out of the thing on my foot. Then I have to put it back on. This is really slowing me down when I chase on of my 24 cats. HELP QUICK!!!
DUchebag 2: Maybe you can take the foot thingys to someone that can safely use knives or scissors. Are there any DUers near you that know how to use knives or knows someone that does?
DUchebag 3: That is a great idea. Be safe. Maybe call 911 to see if they can help.
DUchebag 1: That's a great idea!! I will call 911. Where would all be if we didn't have this wonderful and unlimited pot of knowledge?