Big Mo ain't that cute any more, but still harbors hope

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1235305

Oh my.

MrMickeysMom (15,464 posts)    Sun Jun 21, 2015, 05:14 PM

I know this isn't about me, it's my brother… May I ask???
 
 I noticed from comments that whenever there's a question, the group responds…

My brother, who after 40 years of marriage, then divorce, then "adjustment" to find himself, had a girlfriend who finally, after searching around, seemed to be "perfect". I know that nobody is…

Long story (and it is a long one) short, she has dropped him after deciding that he is just to rough for her rather ideal everyday expectations -

Expectations:

1) No tolerance for swearing (she even spelled, "h.e.c.k." when mad)

2) No tolerance for forgetting to call her by a certain time (which he was pretty damned good at doing)

3) No tolerance for "not getting it up" (this was the strange one.. he's in his 60's and I have to say, that's a tall order sometimes)

I could go on, but after playing "Dear Abby" and asking him to honestly analyze this strict regimen, I find that she was pretty predictable as to what she would say and how she would say it relating to every day phone calls, and weirdly, in the bedroom. Now, before you think I'm strange for getting this involved into the discussion, you have to understand that I'm pretty honest with siblings.

Frankly, after the years of marriage and what my brother thought it was going to take to "keep a girlfriend", he has analyzed so much with me, that I've asked if he could ask others, especially professionally. I don't want to give sex advice. What I'm really wondering is the controlled nature of this woman. There are too many things unknown behind that kind of control that give me pause. I and my sister have advised him to steer clear. Somehow, he keeps thinking he ought to be able to have a chance again.

There may be many more issues brother-wise… I'm just wondering about the over 60 dating and relationship thing and if this controlled behavior from his now ex-girlfriend was a sign of much stronger issues with her.

Any thoughts? Thanks in advance…

mopinko (44,220 posts)    Sun Jun 21, 2015, 05:48 PM

2. always hard to advise others.
 
but she does seem pretty wrapped up in herself.

going through a divorce at 60 the idea of a new relationship scares the crap out of me. so afraid i would just settle for someone who wanted me. which is how i got into that 30+ year marriage.

part of me thinks it would be so wonderful to be swept off my feet, and holds out hope for a grand adventure. but those are so few and far between. and i aint that cute any more.

i know this, tho. i would not settle again. it feels too good to finally be steering my own boat.
your brother shouldnt either. what is the point of getting out of the frying pan just to land in the fire?

MrMickeysMom (15,464 posts)    Sun Jun 21, 2015, 10:18 PM

5. That sure is right about getting into this relationship after the last one.
 
First, my ex-SIL was a controlling person. She could never be wrong, and over the years, I swear that if there was a way to make the person she was married to feel less of a person, she took that opportunity. My brother was no angel in the way he minimized her finishing her degree all those years, but as his earning power slip away and she finished her degree, I noticed more and more of a game play on who was king of the hill. I personally think counseling could have helped my brother 10 years before it ended, but he opted to go to the bottle intermittently.

This woman/ex-girlfriend seems to have a fantasy as to how relationships are supposed to be, which is Ozzie and Harriet. She also has a very close relationship to her ailing parents. Well, that's not hard to do, but the father seemed to take charge with some scorn against my brother in a very brief conversation that was not confrontational on my brother's part.

I guess I just feel like I want to infuse a dose of, "you WILL go on!". I hope he comes around soon with wanting to get this girl back. He's a decent and attractive guy who just needs some confidence in living in his own skin. He wants to please and sometimes thinks that THIS is how you express love. I believe you have to be yourself, so if someone is so incensed that you use swear words… well…

mopinko (44,220 posts)    Sun Jun 21, 2015, 11:12 PM

9. how does he feel about chicago?
 
just sayin. 

MrMickeysMom (15,464 posts)   Sun Jun 21, 2015, 11:16 PM

10. LOL!
 
How bout YOU venturing a little past the southern tier of NY, eh?

mopinko (44,220 posts)    Sun Jun 21, 2015, 11:23 PM

11. hmmm. i like new york.
 
hard to find a farm sitter, tho. only thing i dont like about the job.

last time i left it took 3 people to do my job. and i still came home to a mess.

easier in the winter, tho.

does he like chickens? dogs? parrots?

MrMickeysMom (15,464 posts)    Sun Jun 21, 2015, 11:26 PM

12. I'm sure he is not crazy about chickens...
 
Maybe dogs and parrots and well structured chickens!

[Carl]

mopinko (44,220 posts)    Sun Jun 21, 2015, 11:23 PM

11. hmmm. i like new york.
 
hard to find a farm sitter, tho. only thing i dont like about the job.

last time i left it took 3 people to do my job. and i still came home to a mess.

easier in the winter, tho.

does he like chickens? dogs? parrots?

http://conservativecave.com/index.php?topic=96639.0

It is a friggin cesspool you batshit crazy old loon.

[DumbAss Tanker]

mopinko (44,220 posts)    Sun Jun 21, 2015, 05:48 PM

2. always hard to advise others.
 
but she does seem pretty wrapped up in herself.

going through a divorce at 60 the idea of a new relationship scares the crap out of me. so afraid i would just settle for someone who wanted me. which is how i got into that 30+ year marriage.

part of me thinks it would be so wonderful to be swept off my feet, and holds out hope for a grand adventure. but those are so few and far between. and i aint that cute any more.

I'd say your best bet is a no-kill animal shelter.  Not for a mate, for a living situation.

[67 Rover]

mopinko (44,220 posts)    Sun Jun 21, 2015, 05:48 PM

2. always hard to advise others.
 
but she does seem pretty wrapped up in herself.

going through a divorce at 60 the idea of a new relationship scares the crap out of me. so afraid i would just settle for someone who wanted me. which is how i got into that 30+ year marriage.

part of me thinks it would be so wonderful to be swept off my feet, and holds out hope for a grand adventure. but those are so few and far between. and i aint that cute any more.

i know this, tho. i would not settle again. it feels too good to finally be steering my own boat.
your brother shouldnt either. what is the point of getting out of the frying pan just to land in the fire?