New members to the Cave probably don't know it, but I am a Dog.
I know, I know, you've seen the pictures, and I look human. Bipedal, no visible tail, my ears are on the sides of my head and not on top. If you tested my blood, it would be human blood.
But 'reality' means nothing. It's what we want, and feeeeel, that counts. I want to be a dog; I feeeeel like a dog; so by the proglodytes' rules,
I am now a dog.
Not just any dog; I am a black Basset hound. In keeping with my transformation, my new name is Dewey. Why Dewey? If you have ever seen a male Basset hound, you'll understand.
I demand that the government pay for my transformative surgery, and I demand to be exempt from taxes and jury duty. I demand reparations from the Korean government for all of my dog brothers and sisters eaten by Koreans over the years. I demand reparations from the Canadian government for all of my Husky brothers and sisters who have been enslaved and made to pull dogsleds. I also demand the freedom to lick my balls in public without being oppressed by the police.

Ears up, don't shoot!
'Cuz I'm a dog.