Tobin's wife looses job. Tobin finds new job. Quits new job.

[dutch508]

The ongoing saga of Tobin and the job.

Tobin S. (7,450 posts) http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018737518

A love story.
My wife lost her job recently. My initial response was to try to find a better paying job of my own so she wouldn't have to work. And I found one. However, it would involve me being out on the road 5.5 days a week. I talked to my wife about it and she thought that would be alright if I thought it was the right thing to do. I accepted the job. I'm supposed to report for training on March 30th.

As soon as I got off the phone with the new company, I felt strangely troubled. I called them to accept the job feeling confident that I was doing the right thing, but as soon as I hung up I didn't feel that way any longer. I felt like I was losing something that was very important to me. I became afraid.

As the evening wore on, I became more and more filled with a sense of dread. That was Thursday of this week. By the next day, I realized that I could not in good conscience accept the new job. I love my wife too much to do it. I have grown accustomed and comfortable in my new way of life that started four years ago. I suppose this is selfish in a way. I want to be with my wife so much that I cannot do what would make at least one aspect of her life easier. But I am afraid that I would be miserable without her. And even though she said she was okay with me accepting the new job, I think she was agreeing to it for what she thought was my benefit.

The money simply isn't worth the sacrifice. I don't know if any amount of money would be. I would lose my heart in the deal.

I'm going to call the new company and tell them that I've changed my mind and why and apologize to them. I can't give up my love. 

 

CaliforniaPeggy (114,276 posts)
1. Gut feelings are so often right, my dear Tobin! I think you're doing the right thing by calling them to let them know why you've changed your mind.

Good luck to you both...

 
CALPEG is always the first to answer Tobin. Creepy? I am not sure... BUT- I wonder if Tobin quit the first job before he accepted the second job that he then quit.

Tuesday Afternoon (56,037 posts)
4. Have you told your wife that you have changed your mind? I thought this was only temporary.

Tobin S. (7,450 posts)
5. Yes. It was temporary in the sense that I'd planned on doing it for three years or so. But I am in my 40s and that amount of time seems like a big chunk of my life at this point. And I would be giving up what many consider to be a good job right now with no possibility of return.  We will work it out. Right now I feel like bankruptcy would be a good alternative to being away all the time and giving up my current job.

 

Tuesday Afternoon (56,037 posts)
6. Tobin, before you consider bankruptcy wouldn't it behoove you two to consider the

possibility of your wife returning to work in some fashion/shape/form .... part time doing anything ...

I did not realize you were to the point of considering bankruptcy.

Have you talked with a financial adviser / accountant / retirement planner ... ?

This is a huge step you are considering.

I know three years seems like a long time but, anything could happen.

 

Tobin S. (7,450 posts)
8. My wife will return to work. It's just that I was hoping she wouldn't have to. We'll be okay, Tuesday. Remember, I am a business major. I know how the numbers work. I was just making the point that I would rather be penniless than unloved. People are more important to me than money.

Now wait just one gawddammed moment here. Didn't you tell us a while ago you'd just got your Assoc. Degree? That's not really a Bid'ness major, Jack.

Tuesday Afternoon (56,037 posts)
12. I don't doubt that part of it all, Tobin. And really, who am I to question your plan.

I think I just misread your post is all.

Did I miss something.

Why does it have to be for three years?

His plan was to quit his job, get a new job, work three years and retire. Now? Quit both jobs and go bankrupt.

Raine1967 (6,335 posts)
7. Instinct is important.

you have been through so much, if your instinct is telling you that this isn't the right move, trust in yourself.

I have read, and often not commented on, so many of the posts of your life travels here over the years that I know when you share something like this you probably have more faith ins yourself than you know. 


You know your beloved wife better than anyone. You know yourself just the same, I assume. The door closing (he losing her job will lead to another opportunity and if you viscerally feel — as it seems you do — that this is not the right one, I say go with that.

I would not say that if I did not feel a strong identification with what you are going through.

You will find a comfort zone. All I can suggest is to do nothing unless you absolutely have to. I believe that something will come to you and your wife. You won't have that feeling of dread — that is a terrible feeling.


Peace,
Raine

Did I miss a shit load of Tobin post last year? Been through alot? Alot of what? WOndering if he should quit his job and get a new one?

rurallib (37,364 posts)
15. you get one life Tobin

When your 70, what kind of a life do you want to look back on? Something to use when you evaluate things.
I turned opportunities down also to be home in the evening with Mrs. Lib and the Lib kids, because that was most important to me.
I watched marriages crack all around as folks pursued their version of the American dream.

 

[dane]

CALPEG is always the first to answer Tobin. Creepy? I am not sure...

CALPIG has the first response in so many threads, one wonders if she has some sort of 'new post alarm' on her computer wired to DU.

[diesel driver]

I assume mr. and mrs. tobin are empty nesters, what's to stop him from taking her on the road with him?  She's not working, right, so she doesn't need to stay home by a phone, cell phones work about anywhere. 

Get out, see the country, visit places, etc. 

Best of both worlds, DUmbass Tobin.  You get to earn the big bucks on the road 5.5 days a week, AND you get to have your sweetie with you at the same time.

See, wasn't that easy.  You should have thought of that yourself, being a liberal and possessing such superior intellect and such. 

The bill is in the mail for my brilliant consultation.  Please pay promptly.

(I'm not holding my breath waiting on a check from this moron.  I have better things to do.  Deep root canal work without anesthesia comes to mind...)

[Carl]

Just a month ago he was claiming to have around $800.00 per month payment on a CC bill and personal loan.
Also claimed to have physical problems from driving a 1985 truck all day.
Sounds like he has been planning to join Amber in the washes.

[GOBUCKS]

Too bad DUmmy Tobin S.'s wife "loosed"  her job, but with his fresh degree in whatever he should have his pick of jobs.

Still think he should team up with DUmmy rsmithnumbers and form a forward/reverse trucking partnership.

I expect to see ol' Tobin S. back in the DUmp loony bin any day now.

He's an entertaining nut during his breakdowns.

[HawkHogan]

Having to work caused Tobin to be overcome by feelings of dread. 

[lastparker]

Oh, ffs. The stress of creditors calling her every day is going to wear on your wife, especially when she knows you turned down the opportunity to make more money and for what? So you could hold her hand and rub her back and tell her you love her, while her blood pressure goes through the roof? Sounds like a great plan. Should work out well for you.

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

Catherine says, he's been holding out for a management position.

[diesel driver]

Catherine says, he's been holding out for a management position.

The world needs ditch diggers, too.

[delilahmused]

Funny he doesn't love his wife enough to be willing to take the job that will keep him away from home longer but would make her burden easier. In the whole scheme of things 3 years is nothing.

Cindie

[obumazombie]

With Tobin it's... feelings,
Nothing more than feelings...

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxhwM06lLUs[/youtube]

Apparently Morris Albert made the song famous.

[I_B_Perky]

Tobin is afraid his wife will leave him if he is on the road.  I suspect she already has a boyfriend, he probably knows or suspects it and he is in denial.

[FaC]

Tobin S. (7,450 posts)
5. Yes. It was temporary in the sense that I'd planned on doing it for three years or so. But I am in my 40s and that amount of time seems like a big chunk of my life at this point. And I would be giving up what many consider to be a good job right now with no possibility of return.  We will work it out. Right now I feel like bankruptcy would be a good alternative to being away all the time and giving up my current job.

I think that I can see a large part of the problem. Apparently this idiot has lived beyond his means and has some amount of debt. Instead of getting off his ass, making a sacrifice and taking a job that would allow him to pay his debt he is choosing to repudiate his debt (and probably start living off the taxpayer).

I think that we should bring back the debtor's prison and also restrict the ability to live off of the work of others unless you are truly disabled. Working and needing help is very different from choosing to sit on your ass when you are able to work at something. It is all in how you ask the question.

(there is a similar problem with those people that choose to quit their job and "follow their heart" since they can now get subsidized health insurance via Obamacare)

[njpines]

He should speak with Sparky and Scoobie -- might be enlightening! (or obscene, depending on which person he was speaking to!)

My dad was away from home for months at a time early in my parent's marriage. He was an auditor for an accounting firm in Philly and literally had to go and count things. He was in Panama much of the time. His joke always was, when the waitresses started looking good to him, he needed to come home!

You do what you have to do to provide for your family. That's one of the main things I learned from my dad.

[obumazombie]

He should speak with Sparky and Scoobie -- might be enlightening! (or obscene, depending on which person he was speaking to!)

My dad was away from home for months at a time early in my parent's marriage. He was an auditor for an accounting firm in Philly and literally had to go and count things. He was in Panama much of the time. His joke always was, when the waitresses started looking good to him, he needed to come home!

You do what you have to do to provide for your family. That's one of the main things I learned from my dad.

Beautifully said.
And it's yet another example of how libs and conservatives are worlds apart.