A sincere apology to the DUmmies

[FlippyDoo]

Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t been posting much lately. That’s because I realized that i had been talking too much. I was talking a lot but wasn’t really saying anything. That’s something that is never good for a fictional spirit-guide.

On the plus side, at least in my opinion, I’ve been using my “quiet time” to more closely observe the DUmmies.

For the sake of accuracy anytime the word “DUmmies” is used it can be (and perhaps should be) read as “liberals”.

During my observation I have come to the conclusion that I owe a huge and heartfelt apology to the DUmmies. Let me attempt to explain…

For the last 15 years I’ve blamed every ill in the world on the DUmmies. If someone complained about unemployment I’d tell them to thank the DUmmies. If someone fretted over the growth of terrorists I’d tell them the DUmmies were the fault. Bad economy? Blame the DUmmies. Riots? Blame the DUmmies. The list could go on forever, but I think you get the idea.

After silently observing the DUmmies these past few weeks I’ve decided that I’ve been completely wrong all of this time. The DUmmies are NOT the cause of all of our ills. The fault falls totally and entirely at the feet of conservatives so I offer the DUmmies my humblest of apologies for blaming you for so long.

Now I know that some (maybe even many) of you here at the Cave are wondering why I’m blaming you for the country’s problems. To be clear, I’m not just blaming you. I’m also blaming myself. As a conservative, I’m part of the problem. I’m coming clean because we can’t solve the problem until we recognize the problem.

I’m sure some of you are scratching your heads wondering if I’ve spent too much time partying with Blackie the Ghost Chicken. I assure you that I have not. Let me offer an example that will perhaps help you understand how I got from point “A” to point “B” in my thinking…

You, an adult, have a nice car. You pull into a driveway and get out of the car. You have the keys in your hand. A three year old child rides up to you on his tricycle and asks to drive your car. When you tell him “no” he begins to pitch a fit. To cry and scream and call you names such as “meanie”. Finally, in order to quieten him and convince yourself that you’re not a “meanie” you hand him your car keys.

With car keys in hand, the three-year old child gleefully climbs into your car and immediately crashes into a power pole. The crash destroys the car and breaks the power pole. The sparks from the downed powerlines starts a fire which causes the neighborhood to catch fire.

Who is at fault here? Surely not the three-year old. He was just being a three-year old. You, on the other hand, are an adult. You knew that he didn’t have the mental or physical capacity to safely drive your car, but you gave him the keys anyway. You are clearly, and without any doubt, ultimately at fault.

The same can be said when it comes to our country. We know, based on past history, that the DUmmies do not have the mental or physical capacity to safely run the country. When we attempt to withhold the car keys from them they pitch a fit and call us “homophobes”, “sexists”, “racists”, “xenophobes”, and any other of number of names. In order to quieten their fit and convince ourselves and others that we are none of those slurs that they throw about we hand them the keys thinking it will be okay just this once, and every single time, just like Lucy, Charlie Brown, and the football, we find out that it’s not okay just this once. We find out that a DUmmie is always going to be that three-year old so we MUST, regardless of the heat we receive, always be the adult.

Until such time that we, as conservatives, stand together as adults and refuse to give in to the squalling of the three year-olds the country will continue to suffer.

[franksolich]

Awesome, Flips!

[diesel driver]

Right on, FlippyDoo!   

All that, and the insane proliferation of warning labels will be this country's downfall.

Let me explain.

Years ago, before warning labels became so prolific, children (and some adults) met their "undue and untimely demise" thru some act of stupidity:  sticking a fork in a wall outlet, placing plastic bags over their heads, playing in old refrigerators, running with sharp objects, not wearing a helmet, etc. 

Although this may sound cold and mean-spirited, the above served a purpose, it "weeded out" the "less desirable" people of society, like Darwin's Theory of Natural Selection, the "inferior" among us would be eliminated.  Those left were more intelligent, more talented, and more creative.  They would go on to become a benefit to society.

Today, because of warning labels, "natural selection" is NOT taking place at the level it used to.  Those who would have been "weeded out" years ago are now reaching adulthood, procreating, and creating more and more "less desirable" people, people that go on to become college professors, lawyers, politicians, community organizers, and of course, DUmmies. 

Now, thanks to warning labels, we are up to our eyeballs in DUmmies, and I think they will kill us all long before Gorebull Warming^tm becomes noticeable.

[BlueStateSaint]

Center-of-mass, Flippy.  H5 duly given.

[DumbAss Tanker]

Well, Flips, the problem with your analogy is that a couple hundred years ago, the family was set up so that the adults had the final say, no matter how many randomly-destructive and needy rugrats there were.  Over the intervening two centuries, the big Family Court in the Sky and CPS twisted things around until we had to run the family by straight majority rule, and no matter how young or feckless the family member, that one's voted counted as much as Mom's or Dad's.  That went okay for quite awhile, but through hard work and success the family eventually became fairly prosperous and numerous.  Although the kids had pretty much everything they actually needed, they eventually discovered they could use that system to keep getting more, and kids without boundaries, well, you can guess where that went.

Lately, CPS has decided that families must involuntarily take in foster kids from other countries, and their votes are going to count too, if perhaps not immediately.  While a lot of them are hard-working, an awful lot of them have even bigger boundary issues than our own kids (I mean, jeeze, it's obvious boundaries mean nothing to them or they wouldn't even be here), and Mom and Dad are beginning to wonder how the f*** the bills are even going to get paid if this BS keeps up.

[FlippyDoo]

Well, Flips, the problem with your analogy is that a couple hundred years ago, the family was set up so that the adults had the final say, no matter how many randomly-destructive and needy rugrats there were.  Over the intervening two centuries, the big Family Court in the Sky and CPS twisted things around until we had to run the family by straight majority rule, and no matter how young or feckless the family member, that one's voted counted as much as Mom's or Dad's.  That went okay for quite awhile, but through hard work and success the family eventually became fairly prosperous and numerous.  Although the kids had pretty much everything they actually needed, they eventually discovered they could use that system to keep getting more, and kids without boundaries, well, you can guess where that went.

Lately, CPS has decided that families must involuntarily take in foster kids from other countries, and their votes are going to count too, if perhaps not immediately.  While a lot of them are hard-working, an awful lot of them have even bigger boundary issues than our own kids (I mean, jeeze, it's obvious boundaries mean nothing to them or they wouldn't even be here), and Mom and Dad are beginning to wonder how the f*** the bills are even going to get paid if this BS keeps up.

The bolded in your post brings to mind another issue on which I’ve been thinking.

The DUmmies fear/hate a ton of individuals and groups that they view as enemies: Christians, Bush, Republicans, Conservatives, Rush, Palin and the list goes on and on. The fact of the matter, however, is that the biggest most dangerous enemy to the DUmmie is the DUmmie.

First, they limit their potential growth through abortion. If a child happens to escape the womb intact the DUmmies encourage homosexuality which will never result in a gain to their population and due to STD among homosexuals could actually result in lessening their numbers.

Second, the DUmmies use all matter of pharmaceuticals doing all sorts of damage to their bodies and shortening their lifespans.

Third, the DUmmies fight tooth and nail AGAINST the companies that provide jobs to the individuals who work in order to pay in the taxes that provide the money to feed the DUmmies.

Fourth, the DUmmies long to eliminate the Christians who provide tons of charity to them and only want to pray for them while, at the same time, the DUmmies are making every excuse in the book to protect the terrorists who would like nothing more than to cut off their head.

Fifth, the DUmmies spend the majority of their waking hours thinking of ways to destroy what is almost the only country in the world that will allow them to freely be DUmmies.

I’m sure there could be many more items added to the list, but regardless, it is clear that in this world the boogey man that DUmmies should fear the most is another DUmmie.

[freedumb2003b]

Nicely stated, FD.

Evil thrives when good men do nothing.

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings."
--El Bardo

[obumazombie]

The 3 year olds in this country are either out numbering the grown ups or have figured a way to get more of them than us to the polls.

Which reminds me about an idea Sean Hannity had employed on his radio show.
Once a week he did his best imitation of a liberal. He replied to all callers in the character of a liberal.
We should have all liberal reply day once a week or every 2 weeks or every month.
That way when a lurking DUmmie lurked on liberal reply day, he/she/it might mistake our cave for their DUmp.

[freedumb2003b]

The 3 year olds in this country are either out numbering the grown ups or have figured a way to get more of them than us to the polls.

Which reminds me about an idea Sean Hannity had employed on his radio show.
Once a week he did his best imitation of a liberal. He replied to all callers in the character of a liberal.
We should have all liberal reply day once a week or every 2 weeks or every month.
That way when a lurking DUmmie lurked on liberal reply day, he/she/it might mistake our cave for their DUmp.

The lobotomy needed to dumb me down that far would be too painful...

[BlueStateSaint]

The 3 year olds in this country are either out numbering the grown ups or have figured a way to get more of them than us to the polls.

Which reminds me about an idea Sean Hannity had employed on his radio show.
Once a week he did his best imitation of a liberal. He replied to all callers in the character of a liberal.
We should have all liberal reply day once a week or every 2 weeks or every month.
That way when a lurking DUmmie lurked on liberal reply day, he/she/it might mistake our cave for their DUmp.

I might--might--be able to handle once a quarter, or once every four months.  That's about as much as I'd be able to take, though.