I guarantee you he doesn't ever need a napkin when eating. There's no way on the planet he's going to let a single edible atom of food get away. And just looking at him you can tell he's as dumb as they get.
.
VOICEOVER
"Have you been unfairly turned away from a buffet? Have you ever gone into a clothing store and been told that only Cloth World has your size?
Have you bought two seats for an airplane ride, only to find that they'd need to be adjacent aisle seats?"
Zoom Out (WAY out). Two men dressed in what appear to be bedsheets sit behind a table.
Lawyer 1: "We feel your pain, and now it's time for THEM to feel it. We here at Gothmog & Laserhaas have been in your shoes (and by the way, we're sorry, we'll replace them as soon as possible), and we know how you feel. We'll take your tormentors to Court, and we'll WIN."
Lawyer 2: "That's right. We here at Gothmog & Laserhaas won't rest until you get the respect you deserve, or until, well, we need a rest. There's like 8 steps at the courthouse, you know."
Lawyer 1: "No, there's like 10 steps."
Lawyer 2: "Well, there's a
number of steps, which once we climb them, we'll fight for you like..."
Lawyer 1: "...like there's only one slice left."
Lawyer 2: "Oh, **** you, you'd already had more than half of it, you sweaty bastard."
Lawyer 1: "Bullshit, I went to take a dump after two slices, and when I came back..."
FADE
VOICEOVER
"Gothmog Laserhaas will take your case, and they'll win. Call for an initial consultation. Bring donuts."