The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: FlippyDoo on January 23, 2013, 09:52:35 AM
-
Below is the piece that I was talking about in the "A question to the Cave" thread. This is just the intro. More will be added to this thread a little at the time. Don't expect Big Dog or coach quality but sit back, relax, and possible enjoy The Life of the Legend (A Speculative History).
------------------
The Introduction
Every culture has its legends and heroes. Beings or tales of beings who have done the miraculous and impossible. Individuals who have done feats and have knowledge beyond the kin of mere mortals. This is the story of one such person.
Some call her the knower of all things. Some call her the doer of all things. The people of her home planet of Mendacious just call her…The Nad.
Many stories have been told of The Nad. Most of these stories come from The Nad herself. This tome will use the words of The Nad along with speculation and conjecture to present a history of The Nad.
It is speculated that The Nad was not conceived and born in the normal fashion. The current conjecture, based on her exploits, is that one day in the past a flatbed truck carrying several 55 gallon drums of pure awesome was traveling a curvy road high above a cow pasture. The driver lost control of the truck, and one of the drums of awesome fell out. The drum of awesome tumbled down the slope toward the cow pasture. As it tumbled it crashed through a depression containing turkey eggs. It crushed the eggs and continued its tumble. It burst through the barbwire fence surround the pasture. As it rolled across the pasture it flattened a rattlesnake and a bobcat before coming to a stop in a steaming pile of cow manure.
During the course of its rigorous journey that 55 gallon drum of awesome developed a crack. After coming to a stop in a pile of cow manure, the awesome in the drum began to seep through the crack. As the awesome trickled down to the waiting cow manure it collected remnants of the turkey eggs, flakes of metal from the barbwire fence, blood and scales from the rattlesnake, and blood from the bobcat. The strange soup mixed with the cow manure. A reaction began to occur. Lightning flashed across a cloudless sky and struck the goop. As the smoke cleared, The Nad crawled from the smoldering pile.
Suffice it to say, that any similarity to any person living or dead is probably coincidental.
-
I knew it had to be either her or TiT from the title.
:-)
-
Chapter 1
During her childhood The Nad never had any friends. This can easily be understood as they were just children with the minds and intellect of children while she was The Nad. She constantly tried to educate them, but they refused to learn. She thought maybe if she instead focused her teaching on the adults that they would be mature and intelligent enough to bow to her wisdom. Once again they failed to recognize her inherent wisdom, knowledge, and overall greatness.
After much consideration she decided that her best course of action would be to create a time machine so she could spread her knowledge throughout the ages. Her neighbors laughed at her thinking she was just a super-genius child playing make believe. She didn't let it get her down. She kept her forehead held even higher than usual and continued with her work.
A coconut here. A coconut there. Weird organic fibers strung up in odd formations. Specially forged items of strange alloys. Crystals of several different shapes. Several rats on running wheels. A seat surrounded by bamboo. It really was a sight to see, but when The Nad climbed into the seat, set the rats into motion, and pulled the correct lever the contraption shook just a bit before just fading away. The Nad had done it. She was traveling through time.
Suffice to say, the first thing she did was to give the wheel and fire to early man. She had a bit of a chuckle when she thought about the rats in running wheels. If she would not have come back in time to give early man the wheel she would not have had the wheel for the rats so she could come back in time.
After that was done she decided to pop forward in time a bit and help the Maya. When she appeared in the Yucatan Peninsula the Maya of the time immediately could see that she had the essence of both the turkey and the rattlesnake about her. As a result they dubbed her Kukulkan. She gave the wheel to the Maya also. They were so happy to have wheels so they could drag their toys around more easily that they proclaimed her a deity and created statues of her. Some would say that they got her gender incorrect. Others would say that The Nad is far beyond petty things such as gender.
When she was done helping the Maya The Nad popped up during several different time periods in ancient Egypt. She first appeared as Imhotep was contemplating a tomb design for Djoser. The Nad gave Imhotep the idea for the step pyramid. She later popped back into Egypt after Sneferu had begun construction on what would come to be known as the Bent Pyramid. The Nad explained to him that the slope of the pyramid was much too steep and that he should change the inclination to 43 degrees. He doubted The Nad at first but soon saw the error of his ways. As a matter of fact, The Nad was so influential in ancient Egypt that the Great Sphinx was built in her honor.
In 1170 The Nad traveled to Pisa and designed a bell tower for them. She picked the site and helped get the foundation started then went on her way spreading more of her wisdom. When she next checked back in on the tower in 1270 she was surprised to find that construction had been halted. As hard as it may be to believe the people of Pisa had the audacity to blame the sinking and leaning of the tower on her. They told her it was due to her pathetic foundation and even more pathetic design. Naturally, she quickly informed them of how wrong they were.
She explained that her design and foundation were both perfect beyond question. The foundation was sabotaged by bullies, but even with the sabotage she assured them that her tower was not leaning. Her tower was perfectly plumb. It was the world that had tilted and the bullies were probably behind that also. She then took out a piece of paper and wrote down all of their names. She informed them that as soon as she got around to inventing the computer and programming a message board with an ignore list that they would be the first ones on it.
-
She explained that her design and foundation were both perfect beyond question. The foundation was sabotaged by bullies, but even with the sabotage she assured them that her tower was not leaning. Her tower was perfectly plumb. It was the world that had tilted and the bullies were probably behind that also. She then took out a piece of paper and wrote down all of their names. She informed them that as soon as she got around to inventing the computer and programming a message board with an ignore list that they would be the first ones on it.
:rofl:
-
Epic.
Literally.
:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:
Ten thumbs up!
-
Awesome.
-
That was great! H5
-
Fantastic!
Waiting for chapter 2!
-
Don't expect Big Dog or coach quality
You underestimate yourself sir.
.
-
You underestimate yourself sir.
.
Yes, he does underestimate himself.
-
Chapter 2 - part one
Easter Island was blessed with a visit from The Nad in the 1200s. It was a much needed visit as the Islanders had carved several large statues, or moai, in her honor but had no idea of how to transport or erect them. At first, The Nad was just a bit angry. The statues looked nothing like her. The Islanders quickly explained that the statues were not intended to be a direct representation of her appearance. Instead, they were intended to be a representation of her attributes. The statues were stumpy to match her height proportions. Their chins were jutting out in defiance of the knowledge of others. The head was back slightly and the nose pointed to allow looking down the nose at others. Finally, the head is large in proportion to the body representing vast intelligence. The Nad was pleased.
Confident of the Islanders' recognition of her greatness The Nad instructed the Islanders on how to move and erect the statues.
As years passed by, the Islanders wondered of other ways to honor The Nad. They had noticed that an egg was similar in appearance to The Nad so they decided on a ritualistic competition involving an egg. Each year a member of each clan would swim across shark filled waters to a nearby island in search of a representation of The Nad, the season's first egg. The clan member who successfully returned to the cliff top with the representation of The Nad was rewarded with control over distribution of the island's resources for the clan for that year. In essence, the clan member would get to pretend to be The Nad.
-
In essence, the clan member would get to pretend to be The Nad.
Did he have to shave his head? :???:
-
Confident of the Islanders' recognition of her greatness The Nad instructed the Islanders on how to move and erect the statues.
But did The Nad instruct the islanders on what to do after they deforested the former idyllic paradise, and they had to resort to cannibalism?
-
Chapter 2 - part two
All was well on Easter Island, and all thanks went to The Nad. As the Islanders were soon to find, however, as The Nad giveth so does The Nad taketh away.
Several years after the egg ritual began The Nad dropped by to visit with the Islanders. While she was pleased with the ritual in her honor she was troubled to find that the clan member currently pretending to be The Nad had a full, thick head of hair. When the same clan member admitted to a being in error on an issue to another clan member and apologized, The Nad could stand the blasphemy no longer.
The Nad threw a temper tantrum and went on a rampage that in future days would be recreated in the Godzilla movies. In her rage she wiped out forests and toppled the moai constructed in her honor. She cleared the island of both plant and animal life. All that remained was bare ground and the Islanders.
The Islanders cowered in fear, and when she was done asked her what they would do to survive as she had destroyed all of their food sources. She angrily replied that as far as she was concerned they could just eat each other. Then she took out her pad, added their names to her future ignore list, waddled to the time machine, and gruffly told them 'buh bye' as she set off to other times.
--------------------
Chapter 3
The Nad next entered the time stream just before the Battle of Thermopylae. She had went to visit with King Leonidas as she had trained him during his youth. Leonidas told her of the coming battle. He explained that he was concerned that he and his men would not reach the battle field in time to do their jobs. Upon hearing of his concern she waddled to the time machine and retrieved her 10" knife and rappelling gear. She told him not to worry. She offered that she could get to the battle site and wage a holding action until his forces arrived. Some may have doubted her words, but Leonidas knew of her greatness and simply thanked her.
The Persians were already on the beach when The Nad arrived. There were Persians as far as the eye could see. Facing them…just The Nad and her knife. She took stock of their positions and weapons, unsheathed her knife, and waded into the mass of warriors.
She bounced around like a bladed beach ball in a tornado leaving blood and death in her wake. The battle raged for hours. Then the Persian warriors mistakenly thought they heard one of their commanders shout, "Here comes another one of her!" Thinking that they were now going to be facing two of her the warriors ran in terror back to their beach camp. The Nad stood on the battle field that was now empty except for her and score upon score of dead bodies. She smiled as she sheathed her knife and began waddling back to the time machine.
In route she passed King Leonidas. She told Leonidas that she bought him plenty of time to get set up. She asked how many men he had in his force. Upon hearing the number she laughed and told Leonidas that he should mop the floor with them as she had killed her first 8,000 before even breaking a sweat. They said their goodbyes and The Nad continued to the Time Machine and her next stop in time.
-
Rat's I think I just fell in love with somekind of what ever that gives me visuals, as I read. Not often that the written word makes me laugh, good job so far.
-
The Nad threw a temper tantrum and went on a rampage that in future days would be recreated in the Godzilla movies.
Yeah, it looks about right . . .
(http://wallpoper.com/images/00/27/98/09/godzilla-power_00279809.jpg)
H5, BTW!
-
Chapter 4
After all the excitement with Persians The Nad decided to check out the future for a while. Unfortunately as she passed through the time stream the time machine had a problem. With her naturally superior skills she was able to bring the ailing craft safely to a stop.
Upon examining the time machine, she noticed that the problem was a simple one to fix. One of the rat running wheels had just slipped on its axle. It took her less than a minute of work before she had the machine almost as good as new. It was only then that she decided to check out her surroundings.
It was night time in this place and time she had come to rest, but the moon was near full and gave The Nad enough light to make some observations. Based on the position of the stars she knew that the year was either 2011 or 2012. The flora of the area suggested that she was somewhere in the midwestern United States of America. The warmth of the night air let her know that it was summertime.
As she was making her observation she noticed a home in the distance. She figured that since she was here it would only be polite to share her knowledge and wisdom with the occupant before going on her way.
Arriving at the home she could tell that it was very old. There wasn't much light, but there were several cats. She knocked on the door several times, but there was no answer. She could not understand why the occupant could not hear her banging. Was no one home? Was the occupant an extremely heavy sleeper or hard of hearing? She finally decided to just walk in. After all, she was The Nad. Who would not want her in their home?
In the kitchen of the home one of the cats got a good look at her for the first time. He mistook her for a walking 4' tall egg with a sparse head of hair. As he was extremely frightened of walking 4' tall eggs with sparse heads of hair he shot through the home like a rocket in an attempt to escape.
The commotion caused by the terrified cat caused two things to happen. The first was The Nad instinctively jumping into the shadows to access the situation. The second was the home's occupant arising to check out what was happening.
The Nad remained out of sight in the shadows as the occupant stepped into the doorway. He was tall, thin, and had dark, longish hair. Her eyes grew wider as she noticed that he was utterly and completely nude and had a huge wrench. She felt a tingle run down her leg as she eyed the huge wrench. Then the realization of the situation changed every thing.
It dawned on her that she was in an old house, in the midwest, with cats, the occupant could not hear, and slept nude. She knew that she had to be in the lair of the feared one. The one that is called the Scourge. For the first time in her life The Nad felt fear.
The Nad knew that if even half of the stories told about the Scourge were true that even her advanced skills could not defeat him. She decided that her best course of action would be to bolt from the house back to the time machine and travel once more to the distant past. Bolt she did.
The occupant got a quick glance at her as she flew through the door with the grace of a hobbled frog. He shrugged his shoulders and went back to bed. It is said that the next morning he told the property caretaker that he had apparently had a strange dream that night. In the dream Humpty Dumpty had stopped by to visit but then ran from the house without so much as a 'hello'. He just couldn't understand why Humpty Dumpty wouldn't want to say hello to the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet.
For The Nad, by the time it was morning for the Scourge she was already in ancient Rome preparing to change a republic into an empire.
-
Oh now.
I wouldn’t put it outside the realm of possibility that some day franksolich will meet the oblate spheroid in real life, and if my real life is any indication of future happenings, it’d probably be under extraordinary circumstances.
And I’m sure that franksolich would astound the oblate spheroid by his utter nonchalance and disregardment, as if she's not even there, something she’s probably not used to.
-
That was fantastic. I can't wait for the next chapter!
-
hahahaha!!!! Seriously, the Scourge encounter :rotf:
-
Chapter 5
As The Nad stepped from the time machine in ancient Rome the incident with the Scourge was still bothering her. She did not like feeling fear, but the sight of old Rome eased her troubles somewhat. She had visited Rome a couple of times before and taught the Romans some architecture and engineering. She also developed what would become known as Roman concrete for them. She was pleased to see they had used her designs and her concrete for aqueducts and several buildings.
The Nad was also extremely happy to find that Julius Caesar, a Roman she had trained in military tactics on the other of her previous visits to Rome, was now the leader of Rome. She quickly made her way to meet with Caesar.
Caesar welcomed his former teacher and mentor with open arms. He and The Nad discussed the current situation in Rome. As they talked The Nad began to become concerned. Concerned that Caesar was not being strict enough on the Roman citizens. Especially the Senate. Their discussion become more and more heated. In hopes of changing the subject Caesar told her that he had to leave to meet with the Senate, but that she could tag along if she could remain civil. His tone infuriated The Nad even more. She waddled along behind him toward the Senate still ranting that he was being too soft. Upon arriving at the Senate Caesar had finally had enough and screamed to The Nad, "You may know military tactics, but you do not know politics!"
The Nad snapped. Maybe it was just her anger at being spoken to in that fashion. Maybe her anger at finally feeling fear in regard to the Scourge added to her rage. Know one really knows for sure. Regardless, as soon as Caesar completed his scream she began stabbing him with her 10" knife. The same 10" knife that had laid so many Persian warriors low. Twenty-three stabs of her blade and Caesar lay dead at her feet. As she looked down at his lifeless body she smirked, "you may have crossed the Rubicon, but you should not have crossed The Nad."
As she waddled resolutely toward the time machine without a word to anyone, a crowd gathered around the body of Caesar. As she stomped away she could here the yells, "Casca did it!" and "Brutus did it!" and many other such shouts. She never looked back. She just squeezed into her time machine, pulled a couple of levers, and slipped away into the time stream.
-
Chapter 6
After being betrayed, as she views it, by her former student, Caesar, The Nad decided she needed a change of pace. She found a small village in the distant past. The geography was workable. The villagers were primitive and naive but were eager to accept her knowledge and wisdom. She dubbed the village Atlantis and set about making Atlantis the cornerstone of civilization.
The Nad knew that she could teach the villagers, now called Atlanteans, everything they would ever need to know, but she also knew that they needed time for personal development so she came up with a unique strategy. She would teach them a little at the time then use the time machine to travel ahead slightly into the future. She'd teach a little math and basic science then pop into their near future. She'd teach some algebra and physics then pop into the near future. Within a few years she had taught them calculus, physics, chemistry, biology, advanced engineering, advanced construction and history. Along and along, she would also work in things like ship building, naval tactics, infantry tactics, and farming.
The Nad was so proud of the Atlanteans. Under her watchful eye and direction they had become the jewel of civilization. A legend the whole world over, Atlantis was the leader in every facet of life. They led in technology, in medicine, in military might, and in trade and commerce.
Many years into Atlantis' future (but only a few months for time traveling The Nad) during one of her visits to Atlantis she learned that a young four year old boy had created the fairy tale. For some reason this intrigued The Nad so she looked him up. His name was TiberTomLi.
The Nad knew that TiberTomLi had much promise and that he was a child after her own heart so she took him under her wing. She taught TiberTomLi every aspect of weaponry, hand-to-hand combat, leadership, and stealth. All of the effort put forth by The Nad paid off. After turning just five years old TiberTomLi was trained enough to join the Atlantean Coastal Guard. By the time he was six years old he was the leader of the Guard.
Around the same time that The Nad began training TiberTomLi an evil empire began to threaten Atlantis led by the evil wizard KaRovUs. In some areas this evil empire was even more advanced than Atlantis. For instance, when TiberTomLi was eleven years old, using stealth techniques that The Nad had taught him, he conducted a super secret mission to KaRovUs' kingdom. During this mission he discovered and stole the plans for a time machine. Even Atlantis, trained by the creator of the world's first time machine, did not have time travel technology.
Shortly after TiberTomLi's twenty-fifth birthday KaRovUs and his evil followers attacked Atlantis in force. They had wisely scheduled the attack while The Nad was in the time stream as they knew that there was no way that they could defeat the unstoppable combined might of TiberTomLi and The Nad. TiberTomLi valiantly fought KaRovUs and his troops single-handedly. The Nad slipped from the time stream just in time to see TiberTomLi fall from his wounds. She rushed to his side as she fought off KaRovUs' goons. As she knelt at his side she quickly invented emergency medical techniques in order to save his life. Thanks to The Nad, TiberTomLi would live, but she knew that she had arrived too late for Atlantis. KaRovUs had already worked his evil spell. Atlantis was beginning to sink.
The Nad and the surviving Atlantean scientists rushed TiberTomLi's unconscious body to a time machine that the scientists had created using techniques that they had learned from The Nad and the plans that TiberTomLi had stolen from KaRovUs. As the waters rose ever higher they sent TiberTomLi through time to the twentieth century so he would survive and not witness the sinking of the jewel known as Atlantis.
When TiberTomLi was safely away The Nad crawled into her own time machine. She lifted off just as the last of the great city-state slid beneath the waves. As she slipped into the time stream she vowed to forever be a thorn in the side of KaRovUs and his minions.
-
Having followed this opus from the beginning, i have awarded the author, FiippyDoo, the prestigious Hi5 for his outstanding work.
(Did I spread it too thick, or what??) :-)
-
This is amazing. :hi5:
-
She's probably on her way to NOLA to save the power grid from permanant meltdown.
-
waiting to see when she gets to the Revolution and helps write the Constitution, her take on men wearing wigs and makeup a plus.
-
Chapter 7
After feeling fear in her meeting with the Scourge, being betrayed by Caesar, and feeling sadness for the loss of her followers in the land of Atlantis, The Nad decided to focus on the arts. From the early 1500s to the early 1600s The Nad bounced around Europe spreading her brilliance. During this time period she painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. She painted a portrait titled Mona Lisa. She composed many plays including Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, and Hamlet. All these works and many others like them she produced for the people. It could be said that The Nad actually was the Renaissance.
Much to her chagrin she quickly discovered that all of her works were attributed to others. She knew that such a dastardly deed could only be the work of the combined talents of KaRovUs and the Scourge. Her anger was great. She was so incensed that beaded sweat covered her entire forehead. The only thing that could calm her rage was battle. Battle with KaRovUs and the Scourge was preferable, but any battle would do. Despite her anger, she knew that she couldn't let it blind her to the strategies that she had taught Sun Tzu many years before. She decided to travel to the 1800s to meet a guy she had befriended on an earlier voyage to that era. A gentleman whose name was Jim Bowie. Much like The Nad he was a scrapper. She knew such a like mind could help her find a battle that would help to ease her rage.
-------------Flashback-----------
The Nad had first met Jim Bowie at a duel in 1827. Both were there as observers. For some reason a fight had broken out among the observers. Bowie was shot and fell to the ground. The Nad, who was fighting several men herself, was so impressed when the wounded Bowie rose from the ground that she tossed him her 10" knife. Bowie, encouraged that he now had such a weapon, charged his attacker but was knocked to the ground. The attacker stabbed Bowie with a sword cane, but when he attempted to pull the sword from Bowie, Jim used the knife that had been provided by The Nad to gut his opponent like a fish.
Bowie, in pain and weak from blood loss, was then both shot and stabbed again. By this time The Nad, who had been engaging the other observers in hand-to-hand combat, had sent the rest of the combatants running in terror. She quickly went to the prone Bowie and invented more emergency medical techniques (in addition to those she developed to save TiberTomLi in Atlantis) to tend Bowie's wounds and save his life.
Bowie quickly recovered thanks to The Nad, and the two became fast friends. Bowie was constantly nagging her to let him keep the knife that she had tossed him during the fight, but The Nad just couldn't part with it. Before she departed that time period she used her superior blacksmithing skills to create Jim an exact, but slightly smaller, replica of her knife. An appreciative Bowie jokingly called it the little Nad Knife, but in time it became known as the Bowie knife.
----------End of Flashback----------
When The Nad arrived back in the 1800s to look for her old friend, Jim Bowie, she learned that he had traveled to a place called the Alamo and that there was trouble brewing. The Nad smiled as she squeezed back into her time machine to head to the Alamo. She laughed to herself as she pulled the machine's lever. Trouble was indeed coming to the Alamo, and she was bringing a 10" knife with her.
-
Chapter 7
After feeling fear in her meeting with the Scourge, being betrayed by Caesar, and feeling sadness for the loss of her followers in the land of Atlantis, The Nad decided to focus on the arts. From the early 1500s to the early 1600s The Nad bounced around Europe spreading her brilliance. During this time period she painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. She painted a portrait titled Mona Lisa. She composed many plays including Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, and Hamlet. All these works and many others like them she produced for the people. It could be said that The Nad actually was the Renaissance.
Much to her chagrin she quickly discovered that all of her works were attributed to others. She knew that such a dastardly deed could only be the work of the combined talents of KaRovUs and the Scourge. Her anger was great. She was so incensed that beaded sweat covered her entire forehead. The only thing that could calm her rage was battle. Battle with KaRovUs and the Scourge was preferable, but any battle would do. Despite her anger, she knew that she couldn't let it blind her to the strategies that she had taught Sun Tzu many years before. She decided to travel to the 1800s to meet a guy she had befriended on an earlier voyage to that era. A gentleman whose name was Jim Bowie. Much like The Nad he was a scrapper. She knew such a like mind could help her find a battle that would help to ease her rage.
-------------Flashback-----------
The Nad had first met Jim Bowie at a duel in 1827. Both were there as observers. For some reason a fight had broken out among the observers. Bowie was shot and fell to the ground. The Nad, who was fighting several men herself, was so impressed when the wounded Bowie rose from the ground that she tossed him her 10" knife. Bowie, encouraged that he now had such a weapon, charged his attacker but was knocked to the ground. The attacker stabbed Bowie with a sword cane, but when he attempted to pull the sword from Bowie, Jim used the knife that had been provided by The Nad to gut his opponent like a fish.
Bowie, in pain and weak from blood loss, was then both shot and stabbed again. By this time The Nad, who had been engaging the other observers in hand-to-hand combat, had sent the rest of the combatants running in terror. She quickly went to the prone Bowie and invented more emergency medical techniques (in addition to those she developed to save TiberTomLi in Atlantis) to tend Bowie's wounds and save his life.
Bowie quickly recovered thanks to The Nad, and the two became fast friends. Bowie was constantly nagging her to let him keep the knife that she had tossed him during the fight, but The Nad just couldn't part with it. Before she departed that time period she used her superior blacksmithing skills to create Jim an exact, but slightly smaller, replica of her knife. An appreciative Bowie jokingly called it the little Nad Knife, but in time it became known as the Bowie knife.
----------End of Flashback----------
When The Nad arrived back in the 1800s to look for her old friend, Jim Bowie, she learned that he had traveled to a place called the Alamo and that there was trouble brewing. The Nad smiled as she squeezed back into her time machine to head to the Alamo. She laughed to herself as she pulled the machine's lever. Trouble was indeed coming to the Alamo, and she was bringing a 10" knife with her.
This is good! I like the way you tie the knife into this. H5.
-
Chapter 8
On February 24 The Nad arrived at the Alamo to find her old friend Jim Bowie very sick and Santa Anna's army approaching the Alamo for an assault. She knew that before she could tend to her friend she must first delay the Mexican assault. She pulled her 10" knife and had the Texans catapult her over the wall into the Mexican lines. She landed like a bladed cannonball hopped up on speed. Mexican soldiers were falling at every turn.
When Santa Anna got word that the assault force was being decimated by one egg-shaped person with a 10" knife, he knew immediately who they faced. His old mentor: The Nad. He immediately sounded the retreat. The assault force had never been more glad to retreat a scene and raced in terror toward the main encampment. Once The Nad was sure they were gone she sheathed her blade and waddled back to the Alamo.
She worked feverishly to help her friend Jim, but even with her enormous emergency medical skills she was limited in what she could do because of the circumstances. To make matters worse the temperature began to drop. It got down to 39 degrees (-23 degrees in nadmetrics). She knew that it had to be KaRovUs, possibly with the aid of the Scourge, using a time warp to funnel future Global Climate Change into the past to thwart her.
She was now faced with a dilemma. She could head into the time stream and attempt to stop KaRovUs's freezing of the planet or she could stay and defeat her old pupil Santa Anna for the Texans. She knew that if she didn't stop the cold that her old friend, and possibly the planet, would die. Her decision was made.
She quickly gave some military tips and some inside info on Santa Anna's strategy then fired up the time machine and raced into the future in search of her nemesis.
While still in the time stream and just as she neared the 21st century KaRovUs hit her with a secondary time warp that knocked the time machine out of control and 50,000 years into the past. She finally crashed near what is now Winslow, Arizona. The impact was so great that it caused a crater about 4000' in diameter that can still be seen to this day. Some people call it Meteor Crater. Some people call it Barringer Crater. At the time The Nad didn't care what it would one day be called. It was a marvel that she had even survived the impact. Now all she was concerned about was the fact that her time machine was completely destroyed, and she was stranded in the Pleistocene epoch.
-
Awesome; keep it up.
-
I agree with franksolich. Hi5!
-
Chapter 9
The Nad stood upon the still smoldering wreckage of what was her time machine. She could see that it would be quite a climb to scale the sides of the crater formed from the crash. Thankfully her climbing gear had somehow survived the disaster, but even with the gear and her climbing skills she knew that it would take a while.
By the time she reached the rim of the crater the sun had set. This was fine with The Nad because it gave her a chance to study the stars and judge her location and just how far she had been knocked into the past.
A quick look at the night sky told her she was in an area of what would one day be Arizona. She didn't mind. When she calculated the date, however, she was less pleased. Stuck in the distant past. Time machine destroyed. She had the knowledge to build a new time machine, but the infrastructure just didn't exist that would allow such a technical project. She never really realized that even someone as great as her could be limited by the infrastructure. She took out the paper on which she had been writing the names that would occupy her future ignore list and on the back of said paper wrote: remember 'infrastructure'. She then settled down for the night while trying to decide her next move.
------------------------------------------
Chapter 10
During the long prehistoric night The Nad thought, planned, and schemed. By morning she had decided on a course of action, but first she needed some nourishment.
It didn't take much hunting for her to find a wooly mammoth. He was huge. Larger than the arrogance of a pretend reporter with a good rig. With her knife being lost in the time machine crash all that she had to use for weapons were her wit, skills, and a rock the size of a tennis ball.
The area was open. Not many trees or underbrush. There was no way to sneak up on the beast so The Nad just faced him head on. They stood 200' apart facing each other. The beast and the mammoth. The mammoth pawed the ground with his large foot. Then made a rumbling blowing sound with his trunk. The mammoth charged The Nad. The Nad charged the mammoth. Just before the two hit The Nad sailed into the air and bounced like a beach ball on his neck just behind his head.
The mammoth began bucking and twisting like a bull in a rodeo. He tried every thing to toss The Nad to the ground. She wobbled, but she didn't fall down. The entire time she was pounding him in the skull with the tennis ball sized rock.
Eventually, after constant hits with the rock, the mammoth began to stagger. Then he fell to the ground with a crash that sounded like thunder. The Nad, dirty and bloody with strands of loose mammoth hair covering her, jumped from his back and noticed that an entire herd, or maybe multiple herds, of wooly mammoths had gathered to watch the battle. She braced herself for a charge, but the mammoths all turned and raced from the scene in terror. The viciousness of The Nad's attack on their fellow mammoth so traumatized the other mammoths that their reproductive rates were affected to such a degree that in the future the population could not sustain itself against human hunters. In essence, The Nad had just started the ball rolling that would cause the extinction of the wooly mammoth.
After catching her breath The Nad started a fire using sticks and rocks and grilled a mammoth steak. During her meal she fine-tuned her plan. She needed to get revenge on KaRovUs and the Scourge. She had no way of knowing where or when KaRovUs was located, but she did know where the Scourge would be located around 2004. She would travel to the Sandhills of Nebraska, find a place near where his home would be located in the future, and send her body into a state of suspended animation with her mind programed to wake her body in 2004.
-------------------------------------------------
Chapter 11
It was night when The Nad awoke from her suspended animation. It had worked as she had planned. Her body hadn't aged, but she was hungry. The hunger, however, would have to wait. She could see the Scourge's home nearby so she knew her location calculations were current, but she had to determine if she woke in the correct time period.
Quick calculations after studying the locations of the constellations in the night sky told her that she had overshot her designated time by almost a year. She was sometime in late 2005 or very early 2006, but that didn't matter. She was sure the Scourge would be around. He'd just have to meet his fate a little later than she had planned.
Before she could decide if her first order of business would be to eat or to take care of the Scourge she heard just the slightest bit of noise. It was so faint that it would have been missed by the ears of a normal individual, but The Nad was anything but normal. She crouched down and eased toward the sound.
To her surprise it was a six man team of ninja lawyers, and they were headed toward the Scourge's home. She wondered what they would be wanting with the Scourge. Regardless, she knew the Scourge was now doomed as ninja lawyers can not be beaten. Several years back, as traveled to in her now destroyed time machine, she had personally created the training for ninja lawyers. She designed and set up the legal training, the stealth training, the warfare training, and special hand-to-hand combat training.
She watched as the ninja lawyers quietly slipped into the home, and she edged closer in hopes of watching the action. Then she heard high-pitched screams of pure terror. She looked toward the house and through the window could see a tall, slender figure slinging a large wrench. With each swing she heard the high-pitched screams. Finally, one of the ninja lawyers came sailing out of said window and began running like he was trying to out run death itself. At the house, the figure with the wrench stood at the window and shouted to the fleeing ninja lawyer, "Tell the Bostonian Drunkard if he bothers me again about the red one that he'll be sleeping in the William Rivers Pitt with your buddies!"
The Nad slouched to the ground and sighed. She wondered how one man could have possibly defeated an entire strike force of ninja lawyers. She eased closer for a better look. It was indeed the Scourge. Naked as the day he was born and tossing the limp bodies of the ninja lawyers into what appeared to be an old excrement hole.
The Nad now knew that she needed to build a new time machine and get away from the Scourge.