Leftist Agitator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sat Jul-03-10 01:00 AM
Original message
Reflections on Being Newly Deaf.
Edited on Sat Jul-03-10 01:06 AM by Leftist Agitator
Reflections on Being Newly Deaf.
So I spent my first full day as a deaf person. Well, yesterday was my first day spent as a deaf person, but I didn't know I was deaf until the end of the day, so today gets the honors.
You know, I never imagined how much the little things would bother you about being deaf. I was worried about not being able to experience music any longer (and I still am, but more on that later.) It's the dumb shit, the mundane, the day-to-day minutiae that really get you. Allow me to explain some of the challenges that I had to face today.
I woke up two, almost two and a half hours later than I always do.
Why?
I didn't hear my alarm clock going off. I've always had to make sure that I don't sleep on my good ear, so that I can arise in a timely fashion. Because if the good ear was pressed into a pillow, forget it. I never for a moment considered that the deaf have to find some other way to awaken each morning. I have since learned of vibrating alarm clocks, which I wish I knew about years ago, because try as I might, I'd still end up sleeping on my good ear once or twice a month and be late for whatever it was that I needed to get to. A vibrating alarm would have been a wonderful luxury before. Now it is a necessity. Fortunately, my phone's vibration feature will suffice until I get a more robust device.
Then I got a shower. Which was ****ing AWESOME! And not just because of its cleansing and restorative functions. It turns out that when drops of water hit my head forcefully, I can not only feel them, I can "hear" them too. It's not like I remember the shower on my head sounding, but at least it's sound. P.S. To other deaf DUers, Is this a common thing for those with slight residual hearing?
I brushed my teeth, got dressed, decided that there was no way in hell I was going to go do MBA shit in this condition, and decided to put on some water for tea. Twenty minutes later, I wondered why the hell my water hadn't boiled yet.
Then I remembered that I can't hear anymore, and thus the kettle, which had undoubtedly been whistling for quite some time, needed more water added to make my two cups of green tea.
I add more water and burn myself in the process. I put the kettle back on.
I go back to screwing around on the internet, and after five minutes, I remember, "Go check the kettle!"
It's boiling again. I make tea.
I sit down with my Organizational Behavior and try to study. The ringing in my ears is really distracting. Maybe if I put one some mus... Shit. There goes that idea.
I manage to plod though about a half a chapter of my OB reading, and then I remember that I haven't yet paid this month's rent. I go down to the post office. When I arrive, this kindly looking old woman asks me a question. I tell her, I'm very sorry, but I am deaf. She scowls, and I know that she thinks that I'm just being an asshole. After all, what deaf person speaks perfect, undistorted English?
Mercifully, when I get to the counter, everything goes smoothly. I get my money order and my stamped envelope, and pay rent just like I always do.
I go to the liquor store nest door to get cigarettes. I walk in, and the clerk, who I see all the time, says something to me. I smiler and nod, and he gets a perplexed look on his face. I tell him, "Ezra, do you know how I've mentioned that I'm deaf in my left ear?"
"Yeah," he replies (lip reading, FTW!).
"Well, now I'm deaf in both of them."
He says something as he's dropping his head, to which I automatically respond, "What?" He repeats himself (at least I think he did), his face still turned away. It is at this time that I realize that asking someone to repeat their self isn't going to cut it anymore. I say, "One more time, please. I didn't catch that."
He says, and this is one I learned to lip read a long time ago, "Never mind."
I get home, and I decide that my family and friends should be informed that I can no longer hear. I call my brother. He's going through the police academy, and I hadn't spoken to him since Easter. He's got this *******ed ringtone that connects the call while his ringtone plays, so I don't know when he actually is picking up or not. Shit! I hadn't thought about that...
I send him a text that says, "hey i'm deaf now". He replies "shut the **** up thats not funny". To which I replied, "no, seriously, i'm deaf now i went to the er and everything".
His considered, well-thought-out response? "well that kind of sucks".
Kind of? The man has a talent for understatement.
I call my grandparents. They have a very special place in my heart. They basically raised me until I was old enough to go to school, and in adulthood, they have been my moral guides in everything I do. Except for my Granfather's racism. That I had no use for. But the man is 91 years old, he came from a different era, and racist SOB that he is, I actually got him to vote Obama. The Steelworker in him beat out the racist in him. But I digress...
I call my grandparents, and when I see the call connect, I start speaking at the rhythm that I know will be an efficient give and take with Grandma, if history is any guide.
"Hi Grandma!"
1... 2... 3... 4...
"How are you?"
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7...
"I have some bad news..."
1... 2... 3...
"I went deaf."
1...
I guarantee that her exact words were (You WHAT?!)
"Went deaf. I'm deaf, I can't hear you any more."
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...
"Now I don't know what you're going to say, so I'll see you on Sunday, OK? Bye!"
Her 87th birthday in on Sunday, FYI. In any case, the poor woman must have thought I went mad.
Which brings me to the coda of this diatribe. Other things happened to me today, I just figured I would summarize my morning.
After I got the things done that needed to be done, I came home, and I resolved to play one of my instruments, hearing or no. It's weird, I can feel the vibration in the fingers when I play the low notes, but nothing on the high notes, so I'm not really able to get any feedback as to how my fingers are manipulating the sounds beyond a certain point. I don't dare try to play my concert flute yet, I was just getting good enough to not embarrass myself when I played it. That damn embouchure is tricky enough with hearing. And I still haven't quite figured out the airspeed required for the higher octaves.
So I pulled out one of my fipple flutes, in this case a tinwhistle (or Irish Flute, as I have always preferred) and try to play.
So here's my request, DU. I recorded my playing, and I know I really screwed up at the end because the fingering didn't feel right at all, but could someone, preferably a musician, listen to my playing and tell me where I screwed up?
I never learned to read music. I always learned by ear. I have learned hundreds of songs by ear.
I guess I'm going to have to learn to read music now. Which is, ultimately, a good thing I suppose.
Here is a link to the MP3 I recorded.
Please, please, PLEASE be as harsh with your criticisms as you would be with anyone else. If I totally ****ed the song up, let me know. I think I did OK, but without being able to hear, I have no ****ing clue. I know the pacing in one part toward the end was atrocious, and the very end is an absolute disaster, but if I made noticeable mistakes in segments prior to that, please let me know.
Here's a link:
http://www.tindeck.com/listen/ixkj
And finally, thank you to everyone who responded to my previous message concerning this matter. This community has shown me an outpouring of empathy and generosity that I never knew existed before these trying times.
And again, PLEASE tell me where I ****ed up in my music. You guys will have to be my ears until I adjust. Because music is too important to give up on, deafness or no.
CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sat Jul-03-10 01:08 AM
Response to Original message
2. Blessings on you, my dear Leftist Agitator... Updated at 9:22 PM
Your post is wonderful! I think you will be OK, even if your hearing is gone. You are coping so damn well.
I'm no musician, so I will let someone else listen to your recording.
Hang in there.
We'll be here, every step of the way...
DesertFlower Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sat Jul-03-10 01:26 AM
Response to Original message
7. i have a friend who has parkinsons. he's also
a buddhist monk. i have severe chronic fatigue syndrome, IBS and scoliosis. i asked him if it was karma. he said "not necessarily -- sometimes shit happens".
midnight (1000+ posts) Journal Click to send private message to this author Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sat Jul-03-10 02:12 AM
Response to Original message
15. Great job. I wish I could play an instrument.
From a DUmmie....i have severe chronic fatigue syndrome,
Well, I'll be honest, I have it too....but I call it like it is, old age and laziness. :-)
I'm sorry, I still can't believe this story.
By the way, a deaf person doesn't have to mess around with any fancy alarm clock.
Neither do most of us. I can't be the only one who usually starts to wake up in the morning just prior to it actually going off.
.
Leftist Agitator Donating Member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sat Jul-03-10 01:00 AMOne down, two to go...
Original message
Reflections on Being Newly Deaf.
One down, two to go...(http://pinoleroyrogers.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/hear-see-speak-no-evil1.jpg)
Well at least he doesn't have to listen to his grandfather's racist bullshit anymore...way to show respect there. However, a true racist wouldn't under any circumstances vote for the black guy. And a guy who has lived to such a ripe old age isn't suddenly going to be influenced by some upstart grandchild who's still in college and a whiny loser. If he did agree it was just to get you to shut up.
Neither do most of us. I can't be the only one who usually starts to wake up in the morning just prior to it actually going off.
.
Neither do most of us. I can't be the only one who usually starts to wake up in the morning just prior to it actually going off.
.
I don't need an alarm clock. I have both a 2 1/2-year-old daughter who has inherited, and enhanced, her father's "morning person" proclivities; and a 6-year-old cat who is fed at 5 AM.
Neither do most of us. I can't be the only one who usually starts to wake up in the morning just prior to it actually going off.
.
Not saying the DUmmy is lying, at least in this particular instance, but his narrative reads like a list of things one imagines it must be like to be deaf, if you know what I'm saying. I mean, it's so pat and cliched, it just "feels" that way.
Drink a quantity of liquid corresponding with the hours of sleep one wants (two hours, four hours, six hours, eight hours).
It's never failed, and I've been doing this since I was a little kid.
Hey it could be worse.
Peggy could have done more than buy him a star, she could have written an erotic deaf poem....
:-)
Hey it could be worse.
Peggy could have done more than buy him a star, she could have written an erotic deaf poem....
:-)
No, not wrote a poem. CPeg could have recited a poem to him.
But he couldn't hear it because he doesn't read lips.
But he couldn't hear it because he doesn't read lips.
Hey it could be worse.
Peggy could have done more than buy him a star, she could have written an erotic deaf poem....
:-)
OMG! :lmao:
Soleil, I feel sympathy for anyone who has an illness, but the time-line of posts then going to the ER then an Audiologist happening to be there, and being back like 3 1/2 hours later just doesn't add up for me, and the fact that a CT Scan wasn't done with the sudden onset of total deafness just doesn't sound right. Apologies if I'm wrong though.
I never even looked at the times that he posted. I have some former DUer friends that thought this was all a crock of poo too. So, y'all aren't alone. I tend to be one of those people who want to see the best even when the worst is right there in your face.
I don't know if any of this is true or not. I can't imagine why someone would make up such, but stranger things have happened I know.
If it is true, I do feel really sorry for this person. I can't imagine waking up and not being able to hear my sweet baby's voice again. I know it is something many people go through, and you somehow learn to cope, get through it and move forward.
If it is a lie, then this person is a POS. Nothing is more gross (almost) than making up crap to get people to feel sorry for you.
I don't have a clue who this poster is. Never saw them before all of this. So, I have nothing at all to back up on whether or not this person is loony enough to make up such.
Again, if it is true, I wish this person peace and hope. If not, then they SUCK majorly. And they probably deserve what is coming to them.
And CP buying this person a star? WTF? Oh yeah, you're deaf? Here is a star. That should make you feel better. What a scumbag she is. And of course, she somehow manages to make it about her somehow. UGH!
Anyway, if you're deaf and can't hear... why bother calling people?
I've never made it out of the ER in such a short time, and that is when no one is even there. So, there is some funky something there.
A girl that some of my friend's online knew made up a story about having (AND DYING) of cancer. She was a mole. Lied about the whole freaking thing. Why she did it? Who knows. She's a loser.
Anyway, if you're deaf and can't hear... why bother calling people?
I do not use an alarm clock. My one year old daughter wakes up around 5am every morning. Even on the weekends. lol
I was in the ER for an hour and a half, while miscarrying, before I even got called back.
Yep! you can wait at least an hour to be seen, and if you're having tests? you could be there 2, 3,4 hours at least for the test to be done then the results to be read. And maybe I'm just comparing the person to me, but if I went deaf suddenly I would've gone to the ER right away, I wouldn't of been posting about it on a message board, maybe I would post it a few days later, but something like that takes time to sink in, then you really want to be with family when something like that happens.
I think I put a time-line in Part 2 of the thread. Just copied it, here's the time-line:.....
Thank you, madam; time-lines are invaluable to discern when a primitive is lying, which is most of the time.
delilahmused is great at time-lines, but it's always good to have more than one person into doing it.
Me? Once in a while I take a primitive bonfire, copy-and-paste it, and then re-assort the primitive comments according to the time the comments were made. I warn the readers that I've done that, so they don't get confused about the order.
That's another great lie-detector to use on the primitives.
I bet you are one organized person! That is awesome you do that with the posts. It definitely makes a difference when you consider the timeline.
The only possible problem with the time-line might be the time that's showing up for me might be 1-3 hours behind, since I don't have an account there anymore I'm not sure if the default is EST, and not sure what time zone the poster is in.
One down, two to go...(http://pinoleroyrogers.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/hear-see-speak-no-evil1.jpg)
I'm sorry, I still can't believe this story.