The Conservative Cave
Current Events => General Discussion => Topic started by: Chris_ on September 24, 2009, 12:29:46 PM
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Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper
ELMWOOD PARK, N.J. -- There is a battle for America's behinds.
It is a fight over toilet paper: the kind that is blanket-fluffy and getting fluffier so fast that manufacturers are running out of synonyms for "soft" (Quilted Northern Ultra Plush is the first big brand to go three-ply and three-adjective).
It's a menace, environmental groups say -- and a dark-comedy example of American excess.
The reason, they say, is that plush U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old. They want Americans, like Europeans, to wipe with tissue made from recycled paper goods.
It has been slow going. Big toilet-paper makers say that they've taken steps to become more Earth-friendly but that their customers still want the soft stuff, so they're still selling it.
This summer, two of the best-known combatants in this fight signed a surprising truce, with a big tissue maker promising to do better. But the larger battle goes on -- the ultimate test of how green Americans will be when nobody's watching.
Big t.p., an eeeeeevil empire. Tree huggers are gonna git you! They're gonna wipe you out. :-)
MORE (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/23/AR2009092304711_pf.html)
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Well, there goes today's story for BNN.
:banghead:
Now I'll have to think of something even MORE absurd.
Wait! How's this: A guy with no proven citizenship credentials is given ultimate control of a 10,000 warhead nuclear arsenal.
That would be pretty absurdist/funny, wouldn't it?
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They can have my extra soft, plush absorbent 3-ply when they..... ewwww, never mind.
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They can have my extra soft, plush absorbent 3-ply when they..... ewwww, never mind.
Reminds me of the scene in Braveheart when the Scots mooned the Brits.
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Is there anything the environmentalists don't think is ruining the earth? That must be the shorter list by far.
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They will tear my glorious (http://pics.drugstore.com/prodimg/172366/200.jpg) out of my cold dead hands.
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It has been slow going. Big toilet-paper makers say that they've taken steps to become more Earth-friendly but that their customers still want the soft stuff, so they're still selling it.
End of story. Go pound sand, enviro-kooks.
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So you want to save the trees...try wiping your ass with plastic.
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molon labe!
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I think the enviro-whackos would appreciate tp generally available in Germany.
The stuff is so rough you can actually see the mini-chunks of wood in it.
Makes it real handy when you're dealing with, uh, more personal issues than worrying about how many sheets to use per "event."
:-)
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I think the enviro-whackos would appreciate tp generally available in Germany.
The stuff is so rough you can actually see the mini-chunks of wood in it.
Makes it real handy when you're dealing with, uh, more personal issues than worrying about how many sheets to use per "event."
:-)
That stuff in Europe is about like newsprint. Hey, maybe we could find a way to "save" the newspapers...let 'em go into the t.p. business and ship it all to Europe. :thumbs:
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Thinking back to my childhood days and the old outhouse......
I GOT DIBS ON ALL THE WHITE CORN COBS.
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Thinking back to my childhood days and the old outhouse......
I GOT DIBS ON ALL THE WHITE CORN COBS.
you have something against the yellow ones? :shame:
hmmmph.......what a racist pig.....
:tongue:
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you have something against the yellow ones? :shame:
hmmmph.......what a racist pig.....
Yes I do....the yellow ones are rough as hell....the white ones are much softer.
:tongue:
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Is there anything the environmentalists don't think is ruining the earth? That must be the shorter list by far.
Themselves.
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We have to use t.p. that breaks down more easily than the plush stuff. Our sewer line is pretty old and the plush stuff plugs it up. I got tired of having to unclog the line, so we changed brands.
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Liberals don't need t.p. That's why they're full of sh*t.
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If you've got Al Gore's back he's got yours because one good environmental movement deserves another.
Introducing the Re-Useb-Al
Made from the finest northern Califiornia braided hemp and Soviet-era recycled corrogated cardboard, each Re-Useb-Al is emblazoned with Vice President Gore's smiling visage so you know he's behind your every push to keep our world happy and clean.
Hey! Maybe it won't cut down on all of YOUR greenhouse gas emissions but who says you can't wipe away your nagging conscious with Re-Useb-Als
But wait, there's more! The Re-Useb-Al can also be used to exfoliate your skin, make quick work of burnt-on lasagna and make old, tarnished cast iron skillets shine like new!
Brought to you by the maker's of Green Pees: the enviro-friendly cleansing supplement that let's you pass those nettlesome FBI screenings so you can become a presidential appointee.
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Now this really chaps my ass
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Paging sheryl crow...paging Ms. One Square Crow....
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Dems hate anything that people enjoy.
A better way to save trees; get rid of th New York Times!!!! :tongue:
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U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old.
WTF??? I thought they used pulpwood...
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WTF??? I thought they used pulpwood...
Remember, just like DUmmies, environmentalists will happily lie to further their agenda. Paper companies know that their money comes from having a plentiful supply of trees, so many have aggressive sustainability stances. You can find information on Kimberly-Clark's (Kleenex, Cottonelle's parent company) sustainability efforts Here (http://www.kimberly-clark.com/aboutus/sustainability/sustainability_home.aspx)
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WTF??? I thought they used pulpwood...
pulverized spotted owl feathers work just as well.