The Conservative Cave
Current Events => The DUmpster => Topic started by: franksolich on July 17, 2009, 01:32:47 PM
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I was outdoors earlier this morning, before the sun started beating down hard, looking for one of the cats, Abbie, along the river, and got to thinking.
The Powerball lottery jackpot as of today stands at "$61,000,000," which means that really, when all is said and done, one has about $20,000,000.
franksolich has three sets of numbers on the current Powerball; the drawing is tomorrow, Saturday, at 10:00 p.m. central time, 9:00 p.m. mountain time.
I've always wanted to do a musical comedy about Skins's island and the primitives, for both Broadway and Hollywood.
A long time ago, I began having this dream about this musical comedy. When I win the Powerball, of course most of the dough's going for sensible things, such as real-estate in the Sandhills of Nebraska, bison and Clare Boothe Luce memorabilia, but surely there'd be enough spare change left over to fufill this dream about doing Skins's island and the primitives.
When I first got this idea, I figured P-J Comix of the most-excellent DUmmie FUnnies could be in charge of direction, with Charles Henrickson and Paul Heinzman from the same place, being in charge of music and editing, respectively.
I know talent when I see it.
And then later on, Freeper impressed me, really impressed me, with his skills, and so I thought, okay, Freeper could write the script, or the screen-play. And most recently, miskie has come into the mix, with his awesome talents, and so now I had two co-writers, assuring the best work since Shakespeare.
And then Servonaut entered the picture with his sublime wit, to be in charge of both titles and one-liners.
CelticRose then popped into mind; I thought, yeah, sure I could make her a star.
Which femme primitive, though, I'm not sure yet.
Acting is difficult, demanding work, requiring commitment and dedication, and so none of the primitives could possibly play themselves; one would have to use decent and civilized people to play the roles of primitives.
mamacags would be brilliant as the Vermontese 0bamaite cali primitive.
Probably an Oscar-winning performance there.
This is NOT to infer that mamacags has any similarities with the bitter old woman cali primitive; it is to say only that mamacags could act the cali primitive, and brilliantly.
Either RobJohnson or Rebel, similarly, could act Skins, despite that neither of them in real life have any similarities with my fellow alum; one just intuitively senses either one could act the part successfully.
There's the, uh, awkward matter of the subway cat and Doug's ex-wife; there is just no way a decent and civilized person could replicate either primitive.....and so alas, probably Freeper, miskie, and Paul Heinzman would have to write those primitives out of the script, or screen-play.
As for franksolich myself, being the financier of the project, there is some ego involved, and so I would assign myself at least a little cameo role, that of playing Pedro Picasso.
Seriously, no one could possibly play Pedro Picasso better than franksolich.
No one.
Because franksolich is a deaf person who acts as if he can hear, franksolich at a very young age developed the skills of John Barrymore. The supercilious sneers of Pedro Picasso, the pusillanimous prancings, the arrogance, the contempt in which Pedro Picasso holds for all the other primitives, and the utter stupidity of Pedro Picasso, would be nothing, nothing at all, for franksolich to portray, stellarly.
Of course, there's the matter of the voice.
That problem however could be solved by having BadCat, a superb musician and one assumes equally a superb mimic, behind the curtain, ventroquilizing franksolich's lines as Pedro Picasso.
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Additional thoughts:
JohnnyReb would be perfect, just perfect, to play the role of the mountain man primitive, the "ThomWV" primitive, although our esteemed colleague John would have to put on some weight and wear eyeglasses.
In fact, when looking at the budget for such a production, pillows look as if they would be a significant expense, pillows to make those playing the primitives plumper.
In real life, our esteemed colleague of course has no resemblence to the mountain man primitive. This is sort of like in Hollywood, where virtuous women in real life act whores in movies, and whores in real life act virtuous women in movies.
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Being best utilized behind the scenes, so to speak, I'll volunteer to do set design, run the lighting and sound software, and generally keep my less than ideal physique out of eyeshot, if you like Frank.
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I'd be glad to help out, frank.
And hey, I could gain 300 lbs, grow a beard and play HamstersFromHell.
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I'd be glad to help out, frank.
And hey, I could gain 300 lbs, grow a beard and play HamstersFromHell.
Come to think of it, a bigger problem than that, the gigantic primitive would be hard to portray.
But no, BadCat, I wouldn't want anybody's health to suffer. You could use a whole lot of pillows.
The deal is, usually people in real life have a "talent" for acting out opposite of what they're really like; the case of mamacags and the cali primitive, for example.
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No, no, you just can't write out the Subway Cat! Even a few decent, civilized folks might yearn to act absolutely batshit crazy in the name of good theater. Someone will step forward to take on this odious, but possibly cathartic duty.
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No, no, you just can't write out the Subway Cat! Even a few decent, civilized folks might yearn to act absolutely batshit crazy in the name of good theater. Someone will step forward to take on this odious, but possibly cathartic duty.
But I think casting Doug's ex-wife and the subway cat, played by decent and civilized people, would be formidably difficult.
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Coach, not only would I volunteer to do this, but I could probably talk my cantoring "mentor," a rather pretty mid- to late-20s brunette (whose political leanings I have yet to ascertain), into doing a voice or two.
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can i play the cat?
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Coach, not only would I volunteer to do this, but I could probably talk my cantoring "mentor," a rather pretty mid- to late-20s brunette (whose political leanings I have yet to ascertain), into doing a voice or two.
Well, now, I've been thinking of you too, sir, but haven't made up my mind yet.
This would be paid acting work.
Money motivates excellence.
You don't think JohnnyReb, for example, would do the mountain man primitive for nothing, do you? Or mamacags the bitter old Vermontese cali primitive?
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but i refuse to cut my boobiez off....
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can i play the cat?
Actually, I was thinking you'd do great as the NanceGreggs idiot.
No reflection on you, madam, not at all. It's just that I have this intuitive sense that you'd be a blast playing the NanceGreggs idiot, bringing down the house, even though you in no way shape or form in real life resemble the NanceGreggs idiot.
You just have those special skills where you would play her well.
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but i refuse to cut my boobiez off....
As far as I know, the NanceGreggs idiot is still fully-shelved.
But you'd need some pillows, to add bulk, to more closely resemble her.
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but i refuse to cut my boobiez off....
Which is why I think Basement Kitty needs to be played by a man. - Comic relief and all that.
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Which is why I think Basement Kitty needs to be played by a man. - Comic relief and all that.
Whoa.
That's it, that's it, that's it.
FGL could play the subway cat, and even though FGL in no way resembles the subway cat, FGL could win an Oscar or an Emmy or a Nobel on playing that role.
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Which is why I think Basement Kitty needs to be played by a man. - Comic relief and all that.
that would work.... :-)
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As far as I know, the NanceGreggs idiot is still fully-shelved.
But you'd need some pillows, to add bulk, to more closely resemble her.
is that the canadian that's a female wee willy? writes reams of shit but never says a thing....
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is that the canadian that's a female wee willy? writes reams of shit but never says a thing....
Yeah.
The other problem with using you, madam, to play the role--although all problems can be solved--is, in addition to adding to your bulk using pillows, can you sag well?
The NanceGreggs idiot is no spring chicken, and is sort of, uh, flaccid.
I've decided we could put Schadenfreude on the payroll in charge of men's make-up, and Crazy Horse on the payroll in charge of women's make-up. I'm sure Crazy Horse could figure something out, to make you sag like the NanceGreggs idiot.
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Yeah.
The other problem with using you, madam, to play the role--although all problems can be solved--is, in addition to adding to your bulk using pillows, can you sag well?
The NanceGreggs idiot is no spring chicken, and is sort of, uh, flaccid.
I've decided we could put Schadenfreude on the payroll in charge of men's make-up, and Crazy Horse on the payroll in charge of women's make-up. I'm sure Crazy Horse could figure something out, to make you sag like the NanceGreggs idiot.
My dear....I'm not a skinny little thing...
At this time I'm a "full figured" woman....
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My dear....I'm not a skinny little thing...
At this time I'm a "full figured" woman....
I realize that playing the NanceGreggs idiot would be difficult for you, but there would be extra pay in the role, too.
But when all is considered, probably the expense for pillows to make those portraying primitives plumper, and FGL's salary for playing the subway cat, would be the top two expenses.
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Okay, while I was driving to town to get some cigarettes, it came to me, like Saul on the Road to Damascus.
The play/movie's saved.
We can put Doug's ex-wife into it after all.
DixieBelle here could do an awesome caricature of Doug's ex-wife.
The role would be difficult, but still not as difficult as for FGL to play the subway cat, and so FGL would be the highest paid actor on the staff. Not necessarily the star of the show, but the highest-paid one, because of the role.
And FGL has had prior professional acting experience; not much, but some.
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Would the play include Andy Stephenson ala Bernie out of "Weekend at Bernie's"? :-)
Would you have Wee Wille play himself? :rotf:
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A good title might be "Springtime For Skinner".
I have a brother-in-law who's a dead ringer for California Peggy.
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Would the play include Andy Stephenson ala Bernie out of "Weekend at Bernie's"? :-)
Would you have Wee Wille play himself? :rotf:
Actually, I was thinking of having Chris play the Bostonian Drunkard.
And Thor play Chief S itting Bull, the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive.
But make-up costs are going to be astronomical.
For example, to give all the actors the bulk of the primitives, it's looking more and more like I'm going to have to buy a pillow factory, too.
I haven't thought about the late red round one; if Freeper and miskie put him into the script, or screen-play, and if his role passes muster with Paul Heinzman, I'll think of somebody here to play the late red round one.
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But I think casting Doug's ex-wife and the subway cat, played by decent and civilized people, would be formidably difficult.
Well there's always CG. That way you'd only have to have people do the voices.
Cindie
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Well there's always CG. That way you'd only have to have people do the voices.
You, my dear madam, would be excellent caricaturizing the Rita Hayworth primitive, the "Tangerine LaBamba" primitive.
It would be a chore for Crazy Horse, on the payroll as make-up director for the female roles, to age you circa 40 years, but I have confidence in Crazy Horse.
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I've always been partial to Ladyhawke myself, if ever a more ungrateful person walked the planet I haven't met them.
Cindie
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I haven't thought about the late red round one
You could not possibly do the DUmp justice without the Andy Scam.
It was the single biggest event in the DUmp's history.
Lots of female parts there - Doug's ex-wife, flyarm, Miss Waverly, the dust bunnies.
There may be a problem getting anyone here to assume the role of termite, though.
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I've always been partial to Ladyhawke myself, if ever a more ungrateful person walked the planet I haven't met them.
The squawking primitive would be played by her complete opposite, jtyangel here.
I suspect jtyangel would do great, parodying the squawking primitive--although again, this add more pillow expense, because the size of the squawking primitive.
The pillow expenses are starting to become of great concern to me.
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Lots of female parts there - Doug's ex-wife, flyarm, Miss Waverly, the dust bunnies.
Oh God, more pillow expenses again.
One wishes there were a thin Primitive of Prominence--there's only two so far, Pedro Picasso and my fellow alum Skins.
And Crazy Horse himself already has a big job ahead for him, desperately trying to make decent and civilized women actors sag. That's going to take some doing, but again, I must assert my utter confidence in Crazy Horse.
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You could not possibly do the DUmp justice without the Andy Scam.
It was the single biggest event in the DUmp's history.
Lots of female parts there - Doug's ex-wife, flyarm, Miss Waverly, the dust bunnies.
There may be a problem getting anyone here to assume the role of termite, though.
Oh gawd yes! Frankly, I think the whole Andyscam debacle would make an excellent musical comedy (except perhaps the death part, but Will's adventure to and from the funeral service was a tad entertaining). Flyarm who's husband works for some baseball dude who was supposedly pulling strings so Andy could get into JH and who used to "serenade" the donation threads by posting song lyrics.
Miss Waverley the rabid pro abortion one who stopped looking for dust bunnies under the bed long enough to use her psychic powers to find Andy's check on the mail room clerks desk. She's absolutely vicious about that abortion stuff, though. Thinks the proper response of any woman who's had a blob of tissue removed from her womb is to plop down from the table and say "well that sucked" (I don't think she understood the irony there). It was on a thread where Skins was bragging that he'd taken someone to and from the abortion clinic.
Cindie
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I've decided Carl's to play the role of Oscar Wilde, the large-proboscised primitive, the "Cyrano" primitive.
Again, another example where someone the complete opposite of the primitive, can do a stellar job lampooning the primitive.
And thankfully, since both Carl and Oscar Wilde are thin, no pillow expense.
However, it would probably cost some bucks for Schadenfreude, in charge of make-up for the male actors, to construct a good honker on Carl.
By the way, I know some might think the topic silly, but it's Friday evening, and I'm leaving this "stickied" only until tomorrow night, after the Powerball numbers are drawn, after which I'll "unsticky" it and let it sink.
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If ya win, you'll have to keep it stickied
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If ya win, you'll have to keep it stickied
I'm afraid if coach wins, he'll change his screen name to tomosborne, and start spending all his time on a forum for Nebraska land barons.
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If ya win, you'll have to keep it stickied
I'm thinking about TxRadioGuy, who fully well deserves a role, and a good-paying role, in the production.
I thought about having him play the mike_c primitive, but that would necessitate Schadenfreude, in charge of make-up for the men, cutting off about 6" of his legs and then putting the two ends together, to make TxRadioGuy look short, like the mike_c primitive.
So that's a no-go.
Wrapping people in pillows so as to make them look as large as the primitives, is one thing, but actual surgical truncation is another thing altogether, and we can't have that.
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You could do a choreographed dance number featuring all the morbidly obese primitives in their borrowed electric supermarket scooters whining abut how bad life was under Bush.
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Okay, okay, I have it now.
TxRadioGuy would be superlative playing his exact opposite, the sparkling husband primitive.
Some, but reasonably minimal pillow expense, no new honker needed, no height alterations. Considerable ageing needed, but I'm sure Schadenfreude could do that in her sleep.
I'm hoping Freeper and miskie don't put Fat Che and the gigantic primitive, the "SystematicChaos" primitive, into the script, or screen-play, or that if they do, Paul Heinzman cuts them out.
Having Fat Che and the gigantic primitive in the show would drive pillow costs through the roof.
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I hear ChuckJ may or may not be a portly fellow. We could always use him as a stand-in.
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Oh gawd yes! Frankly, I think the whole Andyscam debacle would make an excellent musical comedy.....
By the way, madam, I noticed today while wandering around Skins's island that the sensitive lad, the piano-playing primitive, the "goodboy" primitive, has moved.
He's still in Ohio, but now living somewhere near Wheeling, West Virginia, instead of in Columbus. I dunno what's there, but that's what the sensitive lad said today while standing around a bonfire with other primitives.
After thinking about it, I don't think the sensitive lad would fit into this production, for two reasons. Number one, because of his foul language, the production would probably be banned. Number two, I'm not aware of anyone short here, who could realistically portray the sensitive lad.
If in fact there's a midget or a dwarf a member here, yeah, the sensitive lad could be written into it, and at least there wouldn't be any pillow expenses.
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You could not possibly do the DUmp justice without the Andy Scam.
It was the single biggest event in the DUmp's history.
Lots of female parts there - Doug's ex-wife, flyarm, Miss Waverly, the dust bunnies.
There may be a problem getting anyone here to assume the role of termite, though.
The late round one should be cast as a disembodied spirit that spooks the dummies into doing its bidding - a ' volcano god ' of sorts .. Or more like the giant projected Wizard of Oz.. I don't think anything more than a voice and a shadow would be necessary.
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After thinking about it, I don't think the sensitive lad would fit into this production, for two reasons. Number one, because of his foul language, the production would probably be banned. Number two, I'm not aware of anyone short here, who could realistically portray the sensitive lad.
If in fact there's a midget or a dwarf a member here, yeah, the sensitive lad could be written into it, and at least there wouldn't be any pillow expenses.
Thats fairly easy - a good pair of kneepads and shoes modified to fit on the knees - as Mel Brooks did when he played Yogurt in the movie Spaceballs.
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_1CZ-pfepgyE/SWuCUMMvn5I/AAAAAAAAAq4/-ftAzNmqmzA/s320/Yogurt.jpg)
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Number two, I'm not aware of anyone short here, who could realistically portray the sensitive lad.
Does anyone have Asher's contact info?
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Okay, it's been a rough day healthwise, and so I'm going to hit the sack.
But before, here's the staff as it now stands; a paid staff, remember:
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P-J Comix, overall director
Freeper, creative writer
miskie, creative writer
Paul Heinzman, editor
Servonaut, titles and one-liners
Defiant6, set design and construction
Schadenfreude, in charge of make-up for male actors
Crazy Horse, in charge of make-up for female actors
Now, just because none of these people above would appear on stage or in front of a camera, doesn't make them unimportant; they're all actually very important.
Thor as Chief S itting Bull (no pillow expense)
Chris as the Bostonian Drunkard (moderate pillow expense)
DixieBelle as Doug's ex-wife (moderately heavy pillow expense)
FGL as the subway cat (heavy pillow expense)
Carl as Oscar Wilde (no pillow expense)
jtyangel as the squawking primitive (heavy pillow expense)
TxRadioGuy as the sparkling husband primitive (moderate pillow expense)
Delilah as the Rita Hayworth primitive (no pillow expense)
franksolich as Pedro Picasso (no pillow expense)
BadCat as Pedro Picasso's voice (no pillow expense)
mamacags as the bitter old cali primitive (mild pillow expense)
RobJohnson or Rebel as my fellow alum Skins (no pillow expense)
JohnnyReb as the mountain man primitive (moderately heavy pillow expense)
Ree as the NanceGreggs idiot (moderately heavy pillow expense)
Which primitive Celtic Rose is to play, is not decided yet.
FGL is probably going to be the highest-paid, a king's ransom almost, because of the especially difficult role he would have to play.
But I'm not sure which is going to be the most expensive; FGL's wages, or the pillow expenses involved with making decent and civilized people seem as large as the primitives they portray. Both are going to be considerable.
See you all tomorrow.
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In my current state, I think the pillow expense would be minor. I've put some weight on since I stopped walking eight miles a day -- I'd like to start again, but I'm afraid of getting shot in this neighborhood.
Hope you're okay... didn't realize you were under the weather.
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as long as I get to play an evil guy, I'm happy.
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as long as I get to play an evil guy, I'm happy.
Philosoraptor? Or IanDB1. Probably the two most evil people at the DUmp. That nnnhole guy, "Don" tries, but fails.
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Philosoraptor? Or IanDB1. Probably the two most evil people at the DUmp. That nnnhole guy, "Don" tries, but fails.
I was thinking more like the evil bald assassin dude in the background who has a change of heart after getting order to kill all the top CC brass, falls in love with all the girls the conservative girls all fall in love with him and it ends up in a 'hugh' orgy scene...
:-)
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Good luck finding anything like that at the DUmp. :evillaugh:
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Someone's got to play TominTib.
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Someone's got to play TominTib.
You are, sir.
Remember, an exact opposite of a peson can mimic that person better.
And dutch508 does indeed get the role of the phalloscraping primitive.
Flame by the way is in charge of choreography.
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You are, sir.
Remember, an exact opposite of a peson can mimic that person better.
And dutch508 does indeed get the role of the phalloscraping primitive.
Flame by the way is in charge of choreography.
Why did I know that that's the role you'd give me? :thatsright:
Oh well . . . :beer:
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I'm thinking about TxRadioGuy, who fully well deserves a role, and a good-paying role, in the production.
I thought about having him play the mike_c primitive, but that would necessitate Schadenfreude, in charge of make-up for the men, cutting off about 6" of his legs and then putting the two ends together, to make TxRadioGuy look short, like the mike_c primitive.
So that's a no-go.
Wrapping people in pillows so as to make them look as large as the primitives, is one thing, but actual surgical truncation is another thing altogether, and we can't have that.
No worries, I can totally do plastic surgery and reconstruction. It's a one-way operation though. :-)
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Servonaut, titles and one-liners
Sweet ! I won't let you down Frank.
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Frank....i'd be willin to do anythin ya need done.....no charge.....BTW I have massive amounts of old pillows... :cheerleader:
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No worries, I can totally do plastic surgery and reconstruction. It's a one-way operation though. :-)
Subway Kitty may be looking to hire you, especially now that she is looking to get 'fixed'. Just make sure you sterilize after the procedure. (sterilizing before the procedure is optional)
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I wanna play the role of Ad-Bot.
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Okay, it's been a rough day healthwise, and so I'm going to hit the sack.
But before, here's the staff as it now stands; a paid staff, remember:
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P-J Comix, overall director
Freeper, creative writer
miskie, creative writer
Paul Heinzman, editor
Servonaut, titles and one-liners
Defiant6, set design and construction
Schadenfreude, in charge of make-up for male actors
Crazy Horse, in charge of make-up for female actors
Now, just because none of these people above would appear on stage or in front of a camera, doesn't make them unimportant; they're all actually very important.
Thor as Chief S itting Bull (no pillow expense)
Chris as the Bostonian Drunkard (moderate pillow expense)
DixieBelle as Doug's ex-wife (moderately heavy pillow expense)
FGL as the subway cat (heavy pillow expense)
Carl as Oscar Wilde (no pillow expense)
jtyangel as the squawking primitive (heavy pillow expense)
TxRadioGuy as the sparkling husband primitive (moderate pillow expense)
Delilah as the Rita Hayworth primitive (no pillow expense)
franksolich as Pedro Picasso (no pillow expense)
BadCat as Pedro Picasso's voice (no pillow expense)
mamacags as the bitter old cali primitive (mild pillow expense)
RobJohnson or Rebel as my fellow alum Skins (no pillow expense)
JohnnyReb as the mountain man primitive (moderately heavy pillow expense)
Ree as the NanceGreggs idiot (moderately heavy pillow expense)
Which primitive Celtic Rose is to play, is not decided yet.
FGL is probably going to be the highest-paid, a king's ransom almost, because of the especially difficult role he would have to play.
But I'm not sure which is going to be the most expensive; FGL's wages, or the pillow expenses involved with making decent and civilized people seem as large as the primitives they portray. Both are going to be considerable.
See you all tomorrow.
Damnit! I wanted to play Chief sitting Bull Frank! Only difference is I am part indian! :-)
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Well, as one can guess, I didn't win the Powerball Saturday night.
It's up to "$74" million this week, or circa $24,500,000 is what one gets, when all is said and done.
Better luck to me next time.
So I'm "unstickying" this thread, to let it drop down into oblivion.
In case one is wondering why it was started in the first place, I guess it was a lame attempt to have something like the old Friday "Happy Hour" threads.