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Author Topic: I was raped this week, ask me anything  (Read 8688 times)

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Offline dandi

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I was raped this week, ask me anything
« on: December 07, 2013, 04:02:48 AM »
Because nothing says "Gay Rape Crisis Hotline" quite like DU's general discussion forum.

Now they can discuss the general advisability of getting drunk in a leather bar while wearing assless chaps:



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Prism (3,733 posts)

I was raped this week, ask me anything
Because DU has lots of stupid ideological discussions about this, and I've spent the week contemplating everything about what happenend, I thought maybe my personal input would be useful, free of agenda.

I'm a gay male, early 30s, pretty aware of things.

I can't promise instant reply, but I will be as honest as I can be. This might be, given the power of it, the last thing I post on DU, but I think it's worthy discussion.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024144944


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MADem (94,662 posts)
2. I have no question but one--are you getting the help you need to deal with this trauma? nt

Of course he is. He came straight to that clearinghouse on mental hygiene with it - DU.

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Prism (3,733 posts)
6. I'm ok

I'm a stoic sort. I've just been dealing with it in my noggin. Thank you, you and Janey for asking.

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mynaturalrights (96 posts)
80. It's going to turn to rage

And every time you see him it will get worse .

You'll see him laughing and joking in a bar or a party
and you'll want to crash his skull in.

Call the police and report it.

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Prism (3,733 posts)
114. I will take advantage

Of the resources posted here, for which I'm very grateful to everyone.

I don't want to press charges. Given every thing, it's just not a situation I personally want to land someone over prison about. But I am mustering my mental reserves to have it out with him personally at least.

The funny thing is, knowing him, when I confront him, I think he'd be mortified. Odd as that sounds.

A sternly-worded note about not driving on your Hershey Highway without a license?

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Prism (3,733 posts)
8. I did not report it

Not will I.

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mynaturalrights (96 posts)
7. Did you have him or her arrested?

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Prism (3,733 posts)
9. It was an acquaintance

I do not want their life wrecked, so no, I haven't and won't.

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Bonobo (22,337 posts)
14. Do you think the rapist became a rapist because of watching rape porn?

Or do you think that maybe they watched (if they did) rape porn because they were already predisposed to rape?

For some reason I don't think Bonobo is taking this too seriously.

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Whisp (20,876 posts)
33. unbelieveable...

you would drag that here.
I know what you are doing.


jesus.

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Bonobo (22,337 posts)
47. It's a fair question and Prism was kind enough to share his experience.

Sorry the answer does not conform with your expectations.

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Prism (3,733 posts)
23. I am conflicted

This was am acquaintance, I was black out drunk, he's generally a nice guy. Do I want to ruin his life and go to the police?

(And that is why I started this thread. These are my actual thoughts)

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Prism (3,733 posts)
42. I do feel responsible to that extent

I did get drunk, and I did leave with him (barely with functioning consciousness), so I do feel it was a situation I entered.

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BootinUp (26,259 posts)
53. Ok, something has come to my mind

that I want to say. Please understand, I do not often hear or read a report of such a horrible event first hand.

What I noticed, is that you are thinking about DU, instead of yourself. Can you tell us why you would think an issue being discussed on DU is so important when you have been physically attacked?

There is no way that is true.

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Prism (3,733 posts)
104. I don't know, and no

He was an acquaintance and I was very drunk. I cannot say if I am the first or last very drink person he's done that to.

It was not drug related, however. Simply a bartender who took a fancy to me and kept pumping me with free drinks all night.

must...resist...urge...     :shame:

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Behind the Aegis (30,229 posts)
85. As a fellow host, LadyHawkAZ, has said, there is a group here if you need it.

As a member of the family, I offer you support for whenever you decide you need it. The betrayal of the situation simply adds to the already horrible situation. Though it wasn't this week, you may ask me anything about my sexual assault and how I have dealt with, and continue to deal with the event.

Becoming a survivor of sexual assault is never an easy thing, but, with support, it can happen.

Sincerely,

Aegis

"The family"?

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catrose (895 posts)
95. blessings to you

or good thoughts, if you prefer.
It happened to me. It happened to my gay son, also one of his friends.
I am so sorry.

Haven't they been telling us all along that gays don't rape?
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Offline catsmtrods

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2013, 05:00:28 AM »
Raped? My ass!
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Offline formerlurker

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2013, 05:50:34 AM »
Whoopi: I know it wasn't rape-rape. It was something else but I don't believe it was rape-rape.
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Offline liana

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2013, 06:01:59 AM »
Quote from: formerlurker on December 07, 2013, 05:50:34 AM
Whoopi: I know it wasn't rape-rape. It was something else but I don't believe it was rape-rape.

Of course it was not rape. Rape is a traumatic event for the victim. He/it wouldn't post on a discussion board if he/it was raped.
 
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2013, 06:16:22 AM »
I was raped this week, ask me anything....does your sister say "no" as slow as you do?...just asking for a friend.
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Offline jtyangel

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2013, 06:26:05 AM »
Quote from: liana on December 07, 2013, 06:01:59 AM
Of course it was not rape. Rape is a traumatic event for the victim. He/it wouldn't post on a discussion board if he/it was raped.
 



Yeah, sorry Prism, I have personal knowledge of a rape event which I wont' detail; the first inclination is not to divulge the event on the internet. There are rape victims who sometimes wait years to even share the traumatic event they have been through because no matter what and how misplaced they feel some sense of shame for what happened. Perhaps I'm  missing something in the gay world where I admit shame in general is at a minimum so perhaps natural reactions much like natural sex are at a minimum, but this just seems very weird. 

I'm not really sure your intention here; I certainly hope you are not doing this for attention which is the first thing that comes to mind.
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Offline Mr Mannn

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2013, 06:56:34 AM »
Looking at the OP, This has none of the marks of rape. In fact, this looks like 90% of gay sex.
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Offline 98ZJUSMC

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2013, 07:03:23 AM »
Quote from: dandi on December 07, 2013, 04:02:48 AM

Haven't they been telling us all along that gays don't rape?

They not only told us, they assured us that was the case and anyone who didn't agree was a h8er.  We were assured that it was nothing but Conservative h8 to think that sexual assaults would skyrocket in the Military, since skyrocketed on the order of 40% or more.  We were barraged with countless hate crimes and bullying incidents, since proven to be false or perpetrated by the "victim".  Every single one, going back to St. Matthew of the Barbed Wire.

So, butt-hurt butt-pirate gets blasted then, ass-blasted.  :sosad:

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catrose (895 posts)
95. blessings to you

or good thoughts, if you prefer.
It happened to me. It happened to my gay son, also one of his friends.
I am so sorry.

Hmmmm.....  likey rapey?  :???:  Tempted to throw the  :bs:
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Offline Maxiest

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2013, 08:44:11 AM »
I sympathize with the guy if what he said happened occurred.

If he did get black out drunk though the other person may not have known this.  Many moons ago I blacked out and my friends had no idea.  I was carrying on as normal and talking normal... for a drunk that is. I just don't remember about 3 hours of the night.  Hell in a black out state he could have been the one that brought it on.  I was tempted to go over with my mole and post something similar, but since I am posting it here I kinda ruined that.
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Offline Dori

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2013, 09:02:31 AM »
What is it with people getting wasted and then thinking they were raped?  How do they know if they weren't a willing participant?

He's lucky he wasn't in a fatal accident.

Rather than trying to appease his own guilt for putting himself in that situation, as a true blue dummie he blames the other guy. 

Lesson dude....grow up, accept responsibility for your own stupidity, get over it, get an AIDs test and QUIT DRINKING.





 





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Offline jtyangel

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #10 on: December 07, 2013, 09:40:24 AM »
Quote from: Dori on December 07, 2013, 09:02:31 AM
What is it with people getting wasted and then thinking they were raped?  How do they know if they weren't a willing participant?

He's lucky he wasn't in a fatal accident.

Rather than trying to appease his own guilt for putting himself in that situation, as a true blue dummie he blames the other guy. 

Lesson dude....grow up, accept responsibility for your own stupidity, get over it, get an AIDs test and QUIT DRINKING.




boy, you bring up a really interesting perspective. if one were 'black out drunk' and driving a car, they would not be excused of charges because they were 'black out drunk'. How then can anyone claim to excuse their own sexual behavior(which is most likely unknown to them) in a black out drunk stage if something like a DUI would not be excused for the same reason? Obviously the law claims culpability for driving in that condition yet the same court when thinking on past incidents involving females do not find the same culpability for sexual behavior?

I know we have some legal types on here who could help me string together what seems to be a double standard in this regard versus driving behavior vs. sexual behavior. Especially in a situation where both parties don't have the judgement to gauge if one or the other is shit faced, how would one know? Now if his story is true, I think hes giving way too much leniency for his 'friend' given his profession and that he was giving him drinks. His 'friend' would have been well aware that he had a shitload of alcohol and one would think in absence of stupidity and for the sake of his own protection the friend would have nixed any romantic encounters until his buddy was back in his right mind and aware fully of what he was getting himself involved with. Now if he just met some dude at the bar who had no idea how much he had to drink, I would be more inclined to think how he is, but his friend knew how much he was giving him to drink so it paints the picture of hi having more nefarious purposes.

 






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Offline landofconfusion80

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #11 on: December 07, 2013, 09:48:09 AM »
If he pushes back, it's not rape. So that would settle it then.
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One Who Grows (244 posts)
20. absolute bullshit. the cave is unspeakably vile.

I don't know how any of you can live with yourselves.

:)

Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #12 on: December 07, 2013, 10:53:21 AM »
Like Maxiest said, just because he doesn't remember consenting doesn't mean he was unconscious and didn't voluntarily participate.  If he was actually passed out, sure, it was a gay ass-rape, but being blacked out drunk is far from the same thing as being passed out cold.
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Offline Rebel

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #13 on: December 07, 2013, 10:59:44 AM »
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Offline obumazombie

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #14 on: December 07, 2013, 11:01:46 AM »
No one knows the devious manipulative machinations of a gay mind.
If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, just watch what happens if you cross a gay.
There's more to this story than meets the brown eye.
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #15 on: December 07, 2013, 11:05:16 AM »
Quote from: obumazombie on December 07, 2013, 11:01:46 AM
No one knows the devious manipulative machinations of a gay mind.
If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, just watch what happens if you cross a gay.
There's more to this story than meets the brown eye.

Yeah, there's definitely that, too.
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Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #16 on: December 07, 2013, 11:06:55 AM »
Rape? All he had to do was move away from the glory hole.

I hope he's not pregnant. Homo "rape" is where trial lawyers come from.
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Offline obumazombie

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #17 on: December 07, 2013, 11:08:21 AM »
Quote from: GOBUCKS on December 07, 2013, 11:06:55 AM
Rape? All he had to do was move away from the glory hole.

I hope he's not pregnant. Homo "rape" is where trial lawyers come from.
Only one side of the bar is evil in any given case.
Only in rare cases is it both sides.
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Offline BattleHymn

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #18 on: December 07, 2013, 11:14:49 AM »
Quote
mynaturalrights (96 posts)
80. It's going to turn to rage

And every time you see him it will get worse .

Tickle fight!!!1

:gay: 

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Offline jukin

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #19 on: December 07, 2013, 11:16:12 AM »
So he got rear ended.

Wrecked him, damn near killed him.
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Offline obumazombie

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #20 on: December 07, 2013, 11:17:38 AM »
Quote from: jukin on December 07, 2013, 11:16:12 AM
So he got rear ended.

Wrecked him, damn near killed him.

How did the tugboat get AIDS ?
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Offline landofconfusion80

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #21 on: December 07, 2013, 11:18:02 AM »


Smells like sex in here.
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One Who Grows (244 posts)
20. absolute bullshit. the cave is unspeakably vile.

I don't know how any of you can live with yourselves.

:)

Offline BannedFromDU

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #22 on: December 07, 2013, 11:29:17 AM »
Quote from: dandi on December 07, 2013, 04:02:48 AM
Because nothing says "Gay Rape Crisis Hotline" quite like DU's general discussion forum.

Now they can discuss the general advisability of getting drunk in a leather bar while wearing assless chaps:



http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024144944


Of course he is. He came straight to that clearinghouse on mental hygiene with it - DU.

A sternly-worded note about not driving on your Hershey Highway without a license?

For some reason I don't think Bonobo is taking this too seriously.

must...resist...urge...     :shame:

"The family"?

Haven't they been telling us all along that gays don't rape?





     Let's look at the options.

  • This didn't happen; it's performance art by a gay DUmmy to obtain clicks. Clicks and replies on DU are more valuable to them than bitcoins are.
  • This didn't happen; it's a dual-purpose post to inform like-minded DUmmies that they're (a) gay, and (b) on the easy side.
  • This did happen, but it was part of an elaborate "rape" bedroom roleplaying scenario, possibly to help avoid the horrific knowledge that a man was about engage in sexual congress with another man.
  • This did happen, except the rapist requires batteries and is sold at adult bookstores, and the victim had just finished watching a Six Feet Under marathon.
  • This did happen, except the rapist is a person of color and the butt-hurt victim is too politically correct to put a butt rapist in the Joint.
  • This didn't happen, and the DUmmy simply succumbed to the temptation after the 4,345,562th cable TV screening of The Shawshank Redemption.


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Offline lorelai

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #23 on: December 07, 2013, 11:45:02 AM »
Aren't AMA threads the domain of reddit and 4chan?  Geez.
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Offline Ralph Wiggum

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Re: I was raped this week, ask me anything
« Reply #24 on: December 07, 2013, 11:45:14 AM »
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Prism (3,733 posts)

I was raped this week, ask me anything

Why did you post this on a public message board?

You said to ask you anything.
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