primitives discuss lazy offspring

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1160411

Oh my.

groundloop (2,179 posts)    Wed Jul 3, 2013, 11:37 AM

Input and Thoughts - LAZY College Student

OK, before I start sounding like my son is the scum of the earth let me say that he's a wonderful kid, smart, relatively easy to get along with, and did well his freshman year in college (in a demanding engineering program at a very good school). So in many ways I'm a lucky parent.
 
HOWEVER, while at home for the summer he's been EXTREMELY LAZY. He didn't get a summer job despite our reminding him that it would be to his advantage because he'd have less of a student loan burden when he graduates (we help out with some of his college expenses, we've set a certain amount that we'll contribute to both his and his sister's education). He basically sits in front of the television in the basement playing video games from the time he gets up (between 1 and 2 PM) until the time he goes to bed (between 2 and 3 AM) unless I give him a specific chore to do (but he will quit playing video games long enough to ride his wakeboard when I take my boat to the lake, and of course he's not the one paying for gas).
 
We've had a couple discussions and he tried feeding me the line that he needs time to mentally recover from school before he goes back in the fall (he momentarily forgot who he was talking to - I have two engineering degrees and had to work my way through school with zero help from my parents).
 
I'm wondering if this 19 year old needs to have a bedtime and mandatory wake-up time for the rest of the summer. Or maybe I just let it ride for the next 6 weeks and insist that next summer he either find a job or else be saddled with a bedtime and wake-up time.
 
I'm sure I'm not the only parent to deal with this. What's worked for other people?

MarianJack (7,435 posts)    Wed Jul 3, 2013, 11:55 AM

1. My son is only 13, but...

...my wife and I practically need dynamite to blast his round little rump away from that fergin' X-Box. I suspect that your post is a preview of comming attractions.
 
That being said, I agree that he should get a job or have a bed & wake up time. Please accept my best wishes for your son, yourself and your family. Keep us posted!

groundloop (2,179 posts)    Wed Jul 3, 2013, 12:14 PM

2. When my kids were that age they had a set amount of time for tv/video games...

One hour per day and that was it.

When we first implemented that rule there was the expected amount of fussing, but after a couple of weeks of us not giving in they got the idea that we were serious about it and adapted.

mzteris (16,054 posts)    Thu Jul 4, 2013, 01:39 PM

3. Get rid of the damn Xbox.

Make a list of rules , worked out together, a contract if you will, of expectations on both sides. Like getting job, helping around the house, saving x amount of dollars to help with college.
 
Failure to do so? Well, you can be as lenient (which I don't recommend) or as strict as you want. Up to and including, having him rent his own place. include things like: we will supply x amt of dollars towards school, you have to come with the rest or do without. Or maybe a matching arrangement, for every dollar - or 10 or 100, whatever - then you'll contribute $xx... If he doesn't cooperate, well, pull the plug. And I'm not just talking Xbox.
 
Sometimes you have to push them out of the nest. Harsh? Yeah, but so is life. Better to be prepared than not, ya know? Mom/dad will not always be there to bail him out. The sooner he learns that, the better.
 
Edit to add: your house. Your rules.

alan_phillips (45 posts)    Tue Aug 6, 2013, 04:40 AM

4. Yeah

it sounds like it is time for some tough love. He may not like it now, but down the road when life actually starts to kick in and be tough for him, he will appreciate the experience.

[BattleHymn]

alan_phillips (45 posts)    Tue Aug 6, 2013, 04:40 AM

4. Yeah

it sounds like it is time for some tough love. He may not like it now, but down the road when life actually starts to kick in and be tough for him, he will appreciate the experience.

This would have been good advice had the child in question been 8 or 9 years old. 

Here is my advice:

Kick his ass out. 

[seahorse513]

. My son is only 13, but...

...my wife and I practically need dynamite to blast his round little rump away from that fergin' X-Box.

GET RID OF THE XBOX!!! How hard is that?? Go for Nature walks, go to a museum, go target practicing, go fishing.

[BlueStateSaint]

Hey, DUmmie--the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

[JohnnyReb]

DUmmie has 2 engineering degrees, a boat on the lake and he can't do more for the kid than give him a few dollars at college?

Must have minored in "Dummie Math" and "How to Live Large on Credit Cards".

[diesel driver]

Hey, DUmmie--the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

That was my first thought when I read this:

He basically sits in front of the television in the basement playing video games...

Like DUmmie, like son.

[Doc Savage]

It is just not forcing junior to get off his butt and do something.  The guy has 2 engineering degree's (makes me wonder why in the hell he is a liberal and posting on DU), so he knows what hard work is.  Force him to get a job.  End the free gas money, do not make supper for him, no reason for the dad to be mowing a lawn, or painting the outside of the house.  All worthy projects for the little guy.  Just tell him that he is living the life of a Sim, and my Sims go to work.

[Tucker]

The habits that he is establishing now will stay with him forever. I suspect that he will become a lousy employee.

I sure hope that he's not planning on becoming a structural engineer.

[Ballygrl]

When I was in HS and got my 1st job at 16 my Parents said "time to start paying rent" I paid $25 a week.

[DefiantSix]

The habits that he is establishing now will stay with him forever. I suspect that he will become a lousy employee.

I sure hope that he's not planning on becoming a structural engineer.

He won't be very welcome in my Mechanical department, as well. Not without evidence that he's pulled his head out of his ass, anyway.

[JohnnyReb]

When I was in HS and got my 1st job at 16 my Parents said "time to start paying rent" I paid $25 a week.

I stayed at home until I married at 22 years of age and never paid any room and board. I had to mow grass, work garden, mower pasture, bale hay, feed and care for cows etc., etc.,.....boy I wish they had just let me pay rent.

[jtyangel]

It is just not forcing junior to get off his butt and do something.  The guy has 2 engineering degree's (makes me wonder why in the hell he is a liberal and posting on DU), so he knows what hard work is.  Force him to get a job.  End the free gas money, do not make supper for him, no reason for the dad to be mowing a lawn, or painting the outside of the house.  All worthy projects for the little guy.  Just tell him that he is living the life of a Sim, and my Sims go to work.

Yep. My kids are teen and below. While the oldest is looking for a part time job for the weekend when not in school, she does big chores to earn money. If any were college age and I know longer have an obligation to support them well then in lieu of a job would be big house projects: hell my 15 and 9 year old helped paint the deck this year for cripes sake. I just don't like seeing kids minds turn to mush over the summer break.

Why is this grown man child not doing the bulk of the household chores and making his parents dinner over the summer? That's the very least he should be doing if he can't or won't find work is to help his parents out. Make him do it or let him know he will be doing it anyway in his own place next summer because he will be working and renting a room somewhere else.

[cmypay]

When I was in HS and got my 1st job at 16 my Parents said "time to start paying rent" I paid $25 a week.

Our 16 year old son recently got his license and is actively looking for a job. He's held a seasonal job at a farm recently, so he has a bit of money. We aren't asking for rent, but told him he needs to pay half his insurance and his fuel bill.

[Dori]

We aren't asking for rent, but told him he needs to pay half his insurance and his fuel bill.

We did that too.  They had to earn their own spending money.  As long as they were in school, we covered their necessities, but that was it.  They also had to help with household chores, for no money, and do their own laundry.

[Ballygrl]

My Parents were such hardasses I guess LOL. They just felt it was important for me to realize the cost of living at home.

[NHSparky]

When I was in HS and got my 1st job at 16 my Parents said "time to start paying rent" I paid $25 a week.

I agree with the chipping in with the bills, especially since he's over 18.  NO excuses.  He thinks school as a FRESHMAN was rough?  Wait until he's out in the real world and there are no summer vacations!  Plus, how serious a look is this kid going to get when he graduates and he's never done ANY work, no internships, etc?

[seahorse513]

Times have changed...Before it was mandatory for nurses aides to be certified, I was one at Willow Manor in Lowell, Mass, for a summer, and I was 17. Then I worked at a bank. I bought my first car, Cherry Red VW Bug....
 In the early 80's ., many of my friends, worked at Fast Food restaurants, grocery stores, whatever.

I think because of OSHA a teenager cannot use any of the machines,, and of  Alcohol and Tobacco Compliance Laws, you have to be 18 to run a register .

[BattleHymn]

I think because of OSHA a teenager cannot use any of the machines,, and of  Alcohol and Tobacco Compliance Laws, you have to be 18 to run a register .

Around here, if the cashier is under 18, they have to have a cashier 18 or over attend to the sale and ring up any alcohol or tobacco purchases.