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Author Topic: Why I Study Duck Genitalia  (Read 2576 times)

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Offline Chris_

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Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« on: May 03, 2013, 05:29:01 PM »
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Why I Study Duck Genitalia

In the past few days, the Internet has been filled with commentary on whether the National Science Foundation should have paid for my study on duck genitalia, and 88.7 percent of respondents to a Fox news online poll agreed that studying duck genitalia is wasteful government spending. The commentary supporting and decrying the study continues to grow. As the lead investigator in this research, I would like to weigh in on the controversy and offer some insights into the process of research funding by the NSF.

My research on bird genitalia was originally funded in 2005, during the Bush administration. Thus federal support for this research cannot be connected exclusively to sequestration or the Obama presidency, as many of the conservative websites have claimed.

Since Sen. William Proxmire's Golden Fleece awards in the 1970s and 1980s, basic science projects are periodically singled out by people with political agendas to highlight how government “wastes” taxpayer money on seemingly foolish research. These arguments misrepresent the distinction between and the roles of basic and applied science. Basic science is not aimed at solving an immediate practical problem. Basic science is an integral part of scientific progress, but individual projects may sound meaningless when taken out of context. Basic science often ends up solving problems anyway, but it is just not designed for this purpose. Applied science builds upon basic science, so they are inextricably linked. As an example, Geckskin™ is a new adhesive product with myriad applications developed by my colleagues at the University of Massachusetts. Their work is based on several decades of basic research on gecko locomotion.
Slate

For a 'scientist', this person does a shit job of explaining why studying duck genitals is neccessary at all, never mind being able to justify why the government should be paying for it.  The majority of the article is criticism of people who feel this is a waste of public money and thinly-veiled contempt for their opinions.

Oh, and it's also Bush's fault.
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Offline CG6468

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2013, 06:34:28 PM »
Something fowl going on there.
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Offline NHSparky

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2013, 08:05:16 PM »
Yeah, I bet she's a real hoot on dinner dates.

He: "What do you do for a living?"

She: "I take government money to look at duck dicks all day."

He: "Check!"
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Offline A7X_foREVer

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2013, 10:53:25 PM »
I bet she works with some real pricks
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Offline Revolution

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2013, 11:06:40 PM »
This person must have some good foresight, and some thick skin.
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Offline Big Dog

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #5 on: May 04, 2013, 07:52:51 AM »
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Why I Study Duck Genitalia

quack, quack, quack

My research on bird genitalia was originally funded in 2005, during the Bush administration.

So, your justification is that Bush did it?  :whatever: :whatever: :whatever:

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Their work is based on several decades of basic research on gecko locomotion.

Gecko walking and duck ****ing. Our tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.
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Offline Undies

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2013, 08:19:16 AM »
If the study saves just one child from the horrors of under-funded Duck Dick Dissection, it is money well-spent.  If not to the taxpayers, where do we send the bill?
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Offline marv

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #7 on: May 04, 2013, 08:25:40 AM »
Now it's easy to see why geckskin was a useful study. There was an observed useful application, and a possible solution prompted by an observation of nature.

But a ducks dick? She doesn't bother to explain what the useful application might be because......well maybe.......
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2013, 10:37:50 AM »
Quote from: marv on May 04, 2013, 08:25:40 AM
But a ducks dick? She doesn't bother to explain what the useful application might be because......well maybe.......
A new line of sex toys?

Yeah, this is stupid.
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2013, 11:10:29 AM »
Quote from: marv on May 04, 2013, 08:25:40 AM
Now it's easy to see why geckskin was a useful study. There was an observed useful application, and a possible solution prompted by an observation of nature.

But a ducks dick? She doesn't bother to explain what the useful application might be because......well maybe.......

Yeah, but her point was that it didn't start out as a study of how to mimic gecko feet, it started out with funding studies of gecko anatomy, gecko biology, and how and where geckos lived and moved.  Only after those studies did somebody have the bright idea of 'Hey, we found out the darn things can damn' near stroll across the bottom of a pane of glass,' and then went on to specific studies of that one tiny aspect of geckos after all the other field and lab work was done and paid for. 

It's a valid point, and some of the things singled out by Proxmire and his successors show a troubling and prideful ignorance of science, while some do make you wonder who the Hell was in charge of the grant desk the day that one got approved.  She is certainly haughty about it, natural I guess when you feel you've been singled out for media sliming. 

I wonder if the phrase 'Glass ceiling' was used in the grant request for that one? 
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Offline Dori

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2013, 12:03:26 PM »
So if she's studying duck sex organs, who gets to study duck feet, duck bills and duck feathers?  This duck might be one expensive project, or a payoff to some college's science department.




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Offline Celtic Rose

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2013, 12:53:03 PM »
My understanding of the grant process is that you have to make an argument regarding the value of the research that you want funding for.  It seems like it should be easy enough to show that justification to the American people in this article to explain the value of this research. 
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2013, 12:54:53 PM »
Quote from: Celtic Rose on May 04, 2013, 12:53:03 PM
My understanding of the grant process is that you have to make an argument regarding the value of the research that you want funding for.  It seems like it should be easy enough to show that justification to the American people in this article to explain the value of this research. 
She seemed to have forgotten that part, because I'm not seeing it.
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2013, 01:45:15 PM »
Can I get a government grant to study my dick? I've only had it for 68 years and I still don't fully understand it..... OH....and they come thru with the money soon, I think it's dying.
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #14 on: May 04, 2013, 02:04:43 PM »
Quote from: JohnnyReb on May 04, 2013, 01:45:15 PM
Can I get a government grant to study my dick? I've only had it for 68 years and I still don't fully understand it..... OH....and they come thru with the money soon, I think it's dying.

Tell 'em you're gay, it'll improve your chances by at least an order of magnitude.
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Offline RobJohnson

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #15 on: May 04, 2013, 06:59:09 PM »
This sounds like another program that needs to duck off.
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Offline vesta111

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #16 on: May 04, 2013, 07:38:31 PM »
Quote from: RobJohnson on May 04, 2013, 06:59:09 PM
This sounds like another program that needs to duck off.

 Following links I found myself on a sight about Gay Anamales.   What fun.

Seems Swans are usually Gay, so where do baby Swans come from ???  Could it be that the baby's come from the actions of two Swans that are UN natural and perverted to the Swan Society ????

Ducks ,yes study the Canadian Geese that have a life style all their own. Mom has a problem with these suckers that are darn near as tall as she is.  They come by the dozen to roost on her lawn , their shit destroys her grass and she is afraid to go out into the yard as they honk and chase her.

So she decided to study these birds with no government money and found there is an interesting life style for them.    Once they settle one duck takes place to watch as the others feed on grubs or whatever in the grass.   After an hour or so this guard is replaced by another to stand guard so the first can feed. 

No mating or egg laying in the winter far as she could see, it is like pigeons,  seldom see a baby,  hard to find a baby sea gull, they all show up half full grown.

Odd I have seen people cage a crow, split its tongue and teach it to talk but NEVER a caged sea gull.

This study of Ducks privates is a darn Scam.    I just may put in a request to study my own WHO-WHO to figure out the difference between me with 4 kids differ from those that never had any.     

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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #17 on: May 05, 2013, 10:34:31 AM »
Quote from: RobJohnson on May 04, 2013, 06:59:09 PM
This sounds like another program that needs to duck off.

I kinda think the whole thing is going to lay an egg.
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Offline Dori

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #18 on: May 05, 2013, 10:57:43 AM »
Quote from: vesta111 on May 04, 2013, 07:38:31 PM
Ducks ,yes study the Canadian Geese that have a life style all their own. Mom has a problem with these suckers that are darn near as tall as she is.  They come by the dozen to roost on her lawn , their shit destroys her grass and she is afraid to go out into the yard as they honk and chase her.

My great aunt raised turkeys, but she also had two geese that acted like guard dogs.    I hated those things as they were almost my size. Being charged by them was as bad as the rooster flying at you with his talons out.   :panic:
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Offline Bondai

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #19 on: May 05, 2013, 01:49:27 PM »
Beware the duck lady....I have no idea what her genitalia look like but after looking at her face I don't want to know.



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Offline RobJohnson

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Re: Why I Study Duck Genitalia
« Reply #20 on: May 05, 2013, 04:16:59 PM »
Quote from: BlueStateSaint on May 05, 2013, 10:34:31 AM
I kinda think the whole thing is going to lay an egg.

 :-)
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