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Offline Skul

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Spotted potato has the answers
« on: December 23, 2012, 05:12:43 PM »
Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022061427
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Sun Dec 23, 2012, 04:21 PM

 Speck Tater (10,286 posts)

Some home defense alternatives

Slingshot: A steel ball bearing in the head will bring down an intruder. Hold still you nasty man, while I load this slingshot and shoot you with it!
Crossbow: This could easily be fatal. Same as above except for loading a bolt.
Bow and arrow: It worked on Custer. Ukm, the wascally injuns used firearms.
Baseball bat: If you know where to hide and can hit from behind, why not? Bad guy knows you're there. Oops.
Broadsword: If the intruder is unarmed someone with a good sword can bring him down with just a little training. Even a light fencing foil can be awfully intimidating if you file off the button and learn how to use it. Gitcha some, sir lacksalot.
 Cellphone: Just hide and call 911. You do know where to hide in your house, right? Shoot the cellphone using the slingshot.
 Super Soaker water gun loaded with something nasty that would hurt the eyes, but not damage the furniture, like strong soap, or tabasco sauce. That's the ticket.
 Darts: Could be anything from very painful (in the knees) to very fatal (in the face or head)
 Blow gun: And you probably wouldn't even need poison darts.  :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Tranquilizer gun: It worked on werewolves for Buffy, why not on intruders? I'm getting the feeling that spotted spud is jerking their chain.
Laser pointer in the eye. A burglar sneaking in at night, temporarily blinded by a laser pointer could then be clubbed with a baseball bat before he saw it coming. Yup, he is. :rotf:
 A Panic Room: Expensive, and you'd need time to get into it. As with all the other items listed.

What other ways can we come up with to defend your home and family without needing assault rifles? Pisstol? :whistling:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022061427

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Response to Speck Tater (Original post)

Sun Dec 23, 2012, 04:24 PM

 oldhippydude (2,154 posts)

1. ghost pepper... grow it yourself hotter than military grade pepper spray
If the bad guy is hispanic, you are sooo screwed.

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Response to Speck Tater (Original post)

Sun Dec 23, 2012, 04:26 PM

 fleur-de-lisa (1,326 posts)

3. Wasp spray . . .

shoots up to 20 feet. Shoot an intruder in the face and there's so no need to engage in person-to-person combat.
That's going to make his poker go limp. Yup.

Lots of fun in the thread.
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Response to Speck Tater (Original post)

Sun Dec 23, 2012, 04:31 PM

 zappaman (6,381 posts)

5. Pies!

Preferably cream, but some fruits like apples or berries might be effective as well.
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Offline ChuckJ

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2012, 05:30:37 PM »
Either nads has every single person in that thread on ignore or she's on some special ops mission somewhere. Otherwise I'm sure she'd jump in to tell them everything they need to know about home defense.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2012, 05:33:30 PM »
I've heard about the wasp spray one.  Supposedly, it's effective, as the stuff really is a nerve agent (not sure which one) that is highly diluted.
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Offline Celtic Rose

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2012, 05:41:48 PM »
You should totally booby trap the floor under windows with marbles too.  It was super effective in Home Alone   :rotf:
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Offline Mike220

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2012, 05:46:35 PM »
Quote from: BlueStateSaint on December 23, 2012, 05:33:30 PM
I've heard about the wasp spray one.  Supposedly, it's effective, as the stuff really is a nerve agent (not sure which one) that is highly diluted.

Pair it up with a lighter and you've got a flame thrower as well.
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Offline NHSparky

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2012, 05:49:25 PM »
I'll just stick with my .45 and 185 grains of P+ asshole repellent, thanks all the same, DUmmies.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2012, 05:59:29 PM »
Quote from: NHSparky on December 23, 2012, 05:49:25 PM
I'll just stick with my .45 and 185 grains of P+ asshole repellent, thanks all the same, DUmmies.

The 870 and 00 Buck also work wonders.
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"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
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That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline NHSparky

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2012, 06:00:45 PM »
Quote from: BlueStateSaint on December 23, 2012, 05:59:29 PM
The 870 and 00 Buck also work wonders.

Funny you should also mention that--I have a Remington Super-Express 12-gauge pump with a nice short barrel.
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Offline JakeStyle

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2012, 06:05:47 PM »
This guy watched Home Alone a few too many times.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2012, 06:07:54 PM »
Quote from: NHSparky on December 23, 2012, 06:00:45 PM
Funny you should also mention that--I have a Remington Super-Express 12-gauge pump with a nice short barrel.

I'm working on the 18" barrel for the 870 . . . for now, either the 870 with the 28" RemChoke (Modified) barrel, or the 1100 Magnum with the 20" rifle-sighted RemChoke (Rifled) barrel will have to do.  I think I've got an Improved Cylinder RemChoke tube around here somewhere.
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"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline Skul

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2012, 09:52:40 AM »
A couple short of a hundred comments in that thread.
A few of them got it, others not so much.
There even a few comments about evil guns.

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Response to guardian (Reply #17)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 05:19 PM
 undeterred (32,415 posts)
23. You forgot Yoko Ono music.

 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Response to undeterred (Reply #23)
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 12:16 AM
guardian (1,704 posts)
85. That would be very effective

But you'd probably be prosecuted for cruel and unusual punishment.
Yoko Joko .

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Response to Speck Tater (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 04:57 PM
blueamy66 (5,309 posts)
16. Hockey stick

I'm a girl. I have no need to own a gun to increase my penis size.  Mind if we call you "victim". DUmbass.
That'll puck 'em up fer sure.  :lmao:

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Response to Speck Tater (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 05:20 PM
 LWolf (34,870 posts)
25. Why is there an assumption
that somebody wants to come into your home to attack you to begin with? 
Along the same thought, why do you wear a seatbelt while driving?
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Offline BadCat

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2012, 11:14:38 AM »
Quote from: BlueStateSaint on December 23, 2012, 05:59:29 PM
The 870 and 00 Buck also work wonders.

You're being too kind, they can hear you rack the 870, and it might be amusing to watch them pee their pants before dying.

I have a Benelli M4, they may or may not hear the safety click off.
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #12 on: December 24, 2012, 11:37:10 AM »
Quote from: BadCat on December 24, 2012, 11:14:38 AM
You're being too kind, they can hear you rack the 870, and it might be amusing to watch them pee their pants before dying.

I have a Benelli M4, they may or may not hear the safety click off.

They might hear  me "rack" a round into the GLOCK but anything else I put my hands on will be silent.....they might hear a loud "BOOM" but that will be the last thing they hear......eternal silence after that.
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Offline Jasonw560

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #13 on: December 24, 2012, 11:41:35 AM »
Quote
Response to Speck Tater (Original post)
Sun Dec 23, 2012, 05:20 PM
 LWolf (34,870 posts)
25. Why is there an assumption
that somebody wants to come into your home to attack you to begin with? 
Um....there are bad people in the world who do bad things to good people.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #14 on: December 24, 2012, 12:01:07 PM »
Quote from: BadCat on December 24, 2012, 11:14:38 AM
You're being too kind, they can hear you rack the 870, and it might be amusing to watch them pee their pants before dying.

I have a Benelli M4, they may or may not hear the safety click off.

BadCat, I already have to clean out Oreo's litter box.  I don't want to have to clean up piss and shit that some perp is too rude to leave somewhere else.

'Course, I could just use the 1100 Magnum, and click the safety off . . . O-)
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"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #15 on: December 24, 2012, 12:21:32 PM »
Quote from: BadCat on December 24, 2012, 11:14:38 AM
You're being too kind, they can hear you rack the 870

I've never understood that.

If I'm a bad guy, I shoot while you're playing with the pump gun.

Keep one in the chamber.
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Offline USA4ME

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #16 on: December 24, 2012, 12:22:41 PM »
[youtube=425,350]4DzcOCyHDqc[/youtube]

.
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Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #17 on: December 24, 2012, 01:37:50 PM »
Quote from: GOBUCKS on December 24, 2012, 12:21:32 PM
I've never understood that.

If I'm a bad guy, I shoot while you're playing with the pump gun.


While I agree with the 'keep one in the chamber' sentiment, if you're around a corner from the miscreant, or on another floor, the racking of the slide does let said perp know that you're gonna 'deal with him' soon.
« Last Edit: December 24, 2012, 01:43:30 PM by BlueStateSaint »
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"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline jukin

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #18 on: December 24, 2012, 04:04:23 PM »
Your Grandma's black cast iron skillet. Hey, it works in old cartoons.
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Offline Mr Mannn

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #19 on: December 24, 2012, 04:21:54 PM »
Darn I don't have any of those things. I just have a little 9mm. I can't even make a hole in a burglar that a 45 can. I'll just have to console myself with multiple shots and go for quantity over quality. 
Good thing my gun holds much more than 10 rounds.
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Offline Randy

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #20 on: December 25, 2012, 06:51:28 AM »
Quote from: Mr Mannn on December 24, 2012, 04:21:54 PM
Darn I don't have any of those things. I just have a little 9mm. I can't even make a hole in a burglar that a 45 can. I'll just have to console myself with multiple shots and go for quantity over quality. 
Good thing my gun holds much more than 10 rounds.

A 9? You gangsta you.  :-)
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Offline Skul

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #21 on: December 25, 2012, 07:02:47 AM »
Quote from: Randy on December 25, 2012, 06:51:28 AM
A 9? You gangsta you.  :-)
They have big mice where Mr Mannn lives.
He wants to give them a sporting chance.  :-)
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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #22 on: December 25, 2012, 07:44:38 AM »
Quote
Speck Tater (10,286 posts)

Some home defense alternatives
   
...Tranquilizer gun: It worked on werewolves for Buffy, why not on intruders?...

I thought Buffy dealt with vampires, not werewolves...

Besides, have you seen what silver is going for these days?   :lmao:
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Offline 67 Rover

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #23 on: December 25, 2012, 09:25:23 AM »
Quote from: Mr Mannn on December 24, 2012, 04:21:54 PM
Darn I don't have any of those things. I just have a little 9mm. I can't even make a hole in a burglar that a 45 can. I'll just have to console myself with multiple shots and go for quantity over quality. 
Good thing my gun holds much more than 10 rounds.

Convert it to English units and it sounds much more formidable .354.  As an added bonus you give a little FU to the metric system.

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Offline NHSparky

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Re: Spotted potato has the answers
« Reply #24 on: December 25, 2012, 09:46:16 AM »
Quote from: GOBUCKS on December 24, 2012, 12:21:32 PM
I've never understood that.

If I'm a bad guy, I shoot while you're playing with the pump gun.

Keep one in the chamber.

^ this.
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