We have Tricare Standard and don't pay anything for it. My husband was commissioned (military academy) in 1983. He retired 3 years ago. The military moms I know just aren't cut from the cloth you accuse them of.
Yes, you have lifetime insurance, which isn't anything like what I was told I would have when I enlisted in 1987. We were promised free, lifetime medical care. Don't get me wrong, I understand the realities of the military not being able to do that, and frankly, if money is limited, I would prefer that they spend it on AD and their families. Thanks to our military training and background, my husband and I have outstanding jobs that offer great health insurance plans, so fortunately, we don't have to rely on TriCare. But the bottom line is, they promised something that they didn't live up to.
Your experience with over-protective dependant wives is different than mine, but that doesn't make either one of us wrong.