Omaha Steve and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Summer

[Karin]

   What great stuff!  The plot thickens.  Suspense is building.  What could possibly happen? 

[Airwolf]

You never know. Maybe some guy in a white suit and wearing an eyepatch named "Archangel" will visit Steve in the ward and tell him about how the Govertnment is sending Black helicopters after him.

[commonguymd]

His first day on the job after an hour added to the terrible summer.

His mom "past" away.

I am sure he meant passed, but I will let that slide.


http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021082771

[franksolich]

This temporarily moved to the Sandhills forum until a decent interval of mourning has passed.

I dunno, maybe for ten days or two weeks.

[obumazombie]

nadin, cousin to Pat, the androgynous one.

[Eupher]

Holy shit, I'm gonna have to spend some time in the DUmpster in order to catch wonderful stuff like this. I don't know Steve Dawes, but I'm assuming he's a particularly offensive primitive. And Nadin - the term I've seen before, but until now I had no idea it was an androgynous something-or-other.

Fascinating stuff, BD. Well done!

[Big Dog]

Steve looked down at his hand, still under Nadin’s. Her stubby fingers barely covered the back of his hand. Steve looked at her knuckles, with more hair than his, for a minute. He remembered what Marta had said to him on their wedding night: "Any port in a storm, I guess." Then he looked up at her and asked, “What do you have in mind?”

Nadin replied, “I have been working on a plan. We will cross the Rubicon together.” Steve thought to himself that he wasn’t asking Nadin about a plan to cross the Rubicon, but something more personal and immediate. He was sure Goodboy would stand watch at his door for a few minutes, and a few minutes were all he needed.

Nadin didn’t see the look in Steve’s eyes. She was looking off into space, seeing the plan in her mind. “Think about this, dollink. What makes us different from the guards?”

Steve grunted and shrugged his shoulders.

“Clothes,” Nadin said. “We are all the 99 percent, but the guards wear guard clothes, and we wear prisoner clothes. The guards watch us because we are wearing prisoner clothes. They watch out for each other because they are wearing guard clothes. If we’re not wearing prisoner clothes, and we’re not wearing guard clothes, they won’t see us!”

Steve stared at her.

“We’ll take off all our clothes, and the guards won’t know if we’re inmates or guards. Yes, we’ll walk right out of here.”

Steve’s face lit up like a curly-bulb; slowly illuminating to a dull glow. For some reason, perhaps a residual of the powerful psychotropic drugs he had been taking for the past month, Nadin’s plan made sense to Steve. He remembered the times he had pulled back the curtains to his bedroom and pranced around the room naked, in the hopes the high school girl next door would see him, but she never had. He concluded that Nadin was right; nudity equaled invisibility.

“When should we do it?” Steve asked, as he wiggled his eyebrows.

“During the day, when the guards are the busiest. They won’t even see us.”

Steve was disappointed that Nadin was not noticing his double entendres. “What do I have to do, put on a Marvin Gaye album?” he asked himself. But she had not taken her hand away; a fact also noticed by Goodboy. Neither Steve nor Nadin saw the pain and anger in Goodboy's eyes.

[obumazombie]

The Emperor's New Clothes.

[Big Dog]

The Emperor's New Clothes.

[seahorse513]

Comedy gold!!!

[Airwolf]

It writes itself I bet. You could make a good movie out of this.

[obumazombie]

Is that a neckbeard I see ?

[Big Dog]

Is that a neckbeard I see ?

Why, yes. It is.

 

[Bad Dog]

Why, yes. It is.

 

I came rushing over after I saw you had posted.  You can imagine my abject disappointment that it wasn't another installment.  I feel partially hydrogenated.

[Big Dog]

I came rushing over after I saw you had posted.  You can imagine my abject disappointment that it wasn't another installment.  I feel partially hydrogenated.

Sorry for the false alarm. I was busy this evening, packing for the Brew Tour.

[Bad Dog]

Sorry for the false alarm. I was busy this evening, packing for the Brew Tour.

It's like waiting for the secret decoder ring to come in the mail.  Except, no dissapointment when it arrives.

[Eupher]

It's like waiting for the secret decoder ring to come in the mail.  Except, no dissapointment when it arrives.

Yeah. I was always pissed off at that asswipe in Battle Creek, Michigan, who clearly failed to properly consult my box tops and dutifully filled-out form, and sent me some bullshit I wasn't even thinking of. 

[Karin]

What could possibly happen? 

I never imagined that! Nakedness equals invisibility!      Been busy today, so was waiting all day for a break to read the chapter in peace and quiet. 

[obumazombie]

I never imagined that! Nakedness equals invisibility!      Been busy today, so was waiting all day for a break to read the chapter in peace and quiet. 

You never read "The Emperor's New Clothes" ?

[franksolich]

***** ANNNOUNCEMENT FROM franksolich *****

***** ANNNOUNCEMENT FROM franksolich *****

***** ANNNOUNCEMENT FROM franksolich *****

Since a decent interval for mourning has now passed, and the big guy back in his usual form on Skins's island, this story, and any other mention of the big guy in the DUmpster, may resume.

Carry on.

For those who are interested, during the interregnum, many members of conservativecave expressed their heartfelt sorrow for the big guy's mother of sacred memory, and their sincere condolences and best wishes to the big guy's family, in this thread:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,76290.0.html

[Skul]

I, also noticed a new up-tick in the meaningless posts by the neckbeard.
As usual, most are all copy/pastes of things pulled from yewnyawn releases and liberal sources.

[Randy]

***** ANNNOUNCEMENT FROM franksolich *****

***** ANNNOUNCEMENT FROM franksolich *****

***** ANNNOUNCEMENT FROM franksolich *****

Since a decent interval for mourning has now passed, and the big guy back in his usual form on Skins's island, this story, and any other mention of the big guy in the DUmpster, may resume.

Carry on.

For those who are interested, during the interregnum, many members of conservativecave expressed their heartfelt sorrow for the big guy's mother of sacred memory, and their sincere condolences and best wishes to the big guy's family, in this thread:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,76290.0.html

Thanks Frank, I knew there had to be an excellent reason that something destined to be a Cave classic had vanished. Now the series can resume, much to the chagrin of some visitors. 

[franksolich]

Thanks Frank, I knew there had to be an excellent reason that something destined to be a Cave classic had vanished. Now the series can resume, much to the chagrin of some visitors. 

I'd yanked it about 2:30 p.m. central time on Monday, only minutes after the big guy had informed Freeper's mole of the sad event, but it wasn't anything I could announce in good taste, so I just let it be.

Although a reminder--if something disappears, ask (via personal message), and you'll be told where it's at.

While it was stashed away, apparently a new chapter was added, and some comments.

Again, a reminder that if anyone's interested in reading or adding a comment, there's a thread here in which members of conservativecave express their condolences and sympathy and good wishes.

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,76290.0.html

[Big Dog]

“We take off our clothes and walk out of the jailhouse. It will be just like the Great Sneaking In of 1962, when President Eisenhower fooled the Chinese by dropping five hundred thousand naked SEALS into North Vietnam, naked,” Nadin said.

Steve had never heard of such a thing, but he figured a trained historian would know things he had never heard of. “Seals? Like a furry mammal that balances balls on its nose?”

“Of course, dollink. Suffice it to say, I have experience in that area.”

Steve was beginning to understand. “We’ll watch for the door to the medical housing unit to open, then take off our clothes and walk right out to freedom. Just like Johnny Depp did in Public Enemies!”

Nadin replied, “That was a mildly fictional account of one of my experiences in a previous life.”

Steve was happy that Skinner had sent Nadin to rescue him. “Do we need to camouflage ourselves, or shave our bodies, or cover ourselves with oil?”

“We don’t need to, but we can if it would make you feel better, dollink.”

Goodboy made a last attempt to reassert himself as Steve’s good right hand. “I’m a good boy! I’m a good boy!” he shouted, with extra emphasis on the last two words of each sentence. The detention officers and nurse turned to look at him.

Steve said, with a hiss in his voice, “Goodboy, pipe down. You’ll ruin everything.” Goodboy, crushed, hung his head and quickly ran to his cell. He didn’t want to give Nadin the satisfaction of seeing his tears.

“Good, he’s gone,” Nadin said. “I can tell you the rest of my plan. The guards need a distraction, and we’ll give them Goodboy. We’ll have all of the Neckbeard Gang save their evening medications, and give them to Goodboy tomorrow after breakfast. The guards will be busy watching him. Add that to our invisibility, and we are unstoppable!”

The plan made sense to Steve; more importantly, he was happy for an opportunity to get rid of Goodboy. Steve was tired of him, and ready for a change.

Steve gave the order, and the Neckbeard Gang palmed their evening and bedtime pills, and turned them over to Steve. Back in his cell, Steve looked at the cup full of tablets and capsules with disappointment. He saw no Oxycontin in the mix, not a single tablet. He crushed the medications and poured the powder into a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew, left over from a trip to the jailhouse commissary he had made with Goodboy the day before. The drug cocktail was invisible in the bottle of yellow soda.

Steve thought he would be unable to sleep that night, but he was wrong.

[franksolich]

I knew you were holding a chapter back, sir, waiting for a decent interval to pass.

This is great!