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Offline CactusCarlos

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How to speak republican...
« on: October 27, 2011, 08:53:15 PM »
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2197376

Quote
How to speak republican...
Posted by Archae on Thu Oct-27-11 04:46 PM
Just got this in my e-mail:

Jonathan Bines
How to Speak Republican
10/24/11

Talking to a Republican can be frustrating. Often, it seems like they
are speaking an entirely different language -- and in many cases, they
are! For this reason, in the hopes of facilitating cross-party
dialogue and mutual understanding, I have compiled what I believe to
be the first comprehensive Republican-to-English dictionary, featuring
words commonly used by Republicans, and their English translations,
alphabetized for your convenience:

America (United States of): A country located in the N. Western
Hemisphere that is #1.

Bible: A sacred text that provides incontestable answers when thumped.

Birth Certificate: An official birth record required of all US

Presidents, regardless of race, since 2008.

Capitalism: A system of economic organization that has never been attempted.

Christmas: A holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, now
rarely celebrated due to persecution by atheists.

Compromise: (uncommon) A form of political suicide.

Coast (East): A very bad coast of the continental United States.

Coast (West): Another really inexcusable coast.

Communism: The belief that the government should ever do anything.

Condescending: Accurately informed.

Constitution (U.S.): The hallowed founding document of the United
States, the text of which must be interpreted strictly and amended
immediately.

Corporations: Large people who are overtaxed.

Deficits: 1) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Democrats that threaten to
bankrupt the country. 2) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Republicans
that don't matter.

Democrat: A political party.

Election: A method of selecting representatives, the fraudulence of
which may be determined by the outcome.

Elitist: Qualified.

Endangered Species: Animals that have it coming.

Evolution: A theory of human origins that is out there.

Extremist (Liberal): Espousing or adhering to political beliefs that
are held by only a majority of Americans.

Fact: Information that has been verifiably posted to a RedState comment board.

Forest (National): Trees that have it coming.

Gut: Region of the body from which decisions should be made.

Homosexuality: A membership-only lifestyle organization that
perpetuates itself through youth recruitment.

Hitler: A man to whom it would be inappropriate to compare President
Obama in spite of the many uncanny similarities.

Jesus: Charismatic religious leader and son of God; born in Bethlehem
in the year 0; beliefs include love, charity, enhanced interrogation,
privatized healthcare, elimination of the estate tax, and the right to
carry concealed semiautomatic weapons.

League (Ivy): an association of eight Eastern universities and
colleges, the lack of a fancy education from which qualifies a
candidate for political office.

Liberal: A person who should be rounded up and shot but not really.

Marxism: A political and economic philosophy developed by Karl Marx
and promulgated by Paul Krugman.

Media (Mainstream): Where you won't hear things.

Medicare: A fraudulent, socialistic boondoggle that is sacrosanct.

Mexicans: Brown people who have it coming.

Mountaintops: Ancient rock formations that have it coming.

Muslims: Brown people who have it coming.

News: Fox News

Obamacare: A Federally-mandated policy to address the national
oversupply of grandparents through euthanasia.

Organic: Eaten by lesbians.

Party (Tea): A grass-roots movement of patriotic Americans fighting
for the principle of "No Taxation With Representation."

Poll: A survey used to determine, to within a margin of error, what
percentage of Americans are right.

Poverty: The condition of having inadequate financial or material
resources due to not trying hard enough.

Propaganda: The politically motivated dissemination of biased
information, opinion, or data through its publication in the New York
Times.

Punishment (Capital): The legally authorized killing by the State of
someone who is definitely guilty.

Racism: A form of discrimination that typically happens in reverse.

Regulation: Rules issued by a government agency for no reason.

Ronald Reagan: A fictional character based loosely on President Ronald Reagan.

Scientist: A person who employs a rigorous system of observation,
experiment, measurement, and verification to perpetuate his Godless
left-wing agenda.

Social Security: A redistributionist Ponzi scheme that is sacrosanct.

Socialism: An economic system invented by FDR.

Taxes: Levies imposed by the government that raise more revenue the
lower they are.

Torture: A method of interrogation that does not rise to the level of torture.

Terrorist: A person to whom a person who threatens to destroy the U.S.
economy unless his demands are met should not be compared.

Unbiased: Giving equal weight to both sides of the looking glass.

Wealthy (the): People who earned every penny.

Up: A direction which, depending on circumstances, is down.

Warming (Global): An anomalous, anthropogenic increase in the earth's
atmospheric and oceanic temperatures that isn't happening.

Welfare: A government program to distribute Cadillacs to unwed mothers.

Yes: (no translation available)

 :whatever:
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"The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism, but under the name of liberalism they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program until one day America will be a socialist nation without ever knowing how it happened."
  -- Norman Thomas, six-time Socialist Party presidential candidate and one of the founders of the ACLU

Offline jukin

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Re: How to speak republican...
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2011, 10:16:30 PM »
Quote
Talking to a Republican can be frustrating. Often, it seems like they
are speaking an entirely different language -- and in many cases, they
are!

Yes. We speak reality. It's a bitch for a Liberal.
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When you are the beneficiary of someone’s kindness and generosity, it produces a sense of gratitude and community.

When you are the beneficiary of a policy that steals from someone and gives it to you in return for your vote, it produces a sense of entitlement and dependency.

Offline wasp69

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Re: How to speak republican...
« Reply #2 on: October 28, 2011, 08:38:59 AM »
Too long, didn't read, same ignorant BS that gets recycled about once a year.
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"We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings to be fruitful."

C.S. Lewis

A community may possess all the necessary moral qualifications, in so high a degree, as to be capable of self-government under the most adverse circumstances; while, on the other hand, another may be so sunk in ignorance and vice, as to be incapable of forming a conception of liberty, or of living, even when most favored by circumstances, under any other than an absolute and despotic government.

John C Calhoun, "Disquisition on Government", 1840

Offline FlaGator

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Re: How to speak republican...
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2011, 09:04:51 AM »
He left out one...

Idiot: someone who posts daily on DU and believes that it is a source of truth.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: How to speak republican...
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2011, 02:59:13 PM »
Quote
Earlier this week, Jonathan Bines did a post called “How to Speak Republican“.

It was very inspirational because I have to tell you, it’s also pretty tough for most people to figure out what liberals mean sometimes. You think they’re on your side, but they’re not. You believe they’re saying “yes,” but they mean “no.” You think they’re offering you a ride home, and next thing you know, you’re at the bottom of a tidal pool and they’re swimming away.

Someone has to translate what they mean. Well, have no fear, because after studying liberals for years, I’ve got the lingo down.
Right Wing News

This is much more believeable that whatever passes for humor inside Jonathan Bines' head.
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Offline GOP Congress

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Re: How to speak republican...
« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2011, 04:23:37 PM »
Considering I agree with at least 80% of the definitions, I don't really see what's so spectacular about that DU post.
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Offline Duke Nukum

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Re: How to speak republican...
« Reply #6 on: October 28, 2011, 07:04:42 PM »
How to speak DUmmie:

Mom! I'm on the Internets! Bring me some cheesy poofs and a root beer!
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Offline movie buff

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Re: How to speak republican...
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2011, 06:02:45 AM »
Some terms on how to speak liberal/ how to speak DUmmy:
Affirmative Action: Correcting past racial discrimination in education and employment against blacks by engaging in racial discrimination in education and employment against whites.
Capitalism: Hideous, pure- evil system which is based around the vile premise that people succeeding on their own merit/ hard work is a bad thing. Must be completely destroyed and replaced with Socialist utopia which will magically fix everything.
Christians: Evil, stupid, insane monsters who've never done anything good to anyone, all want to kill gay people and abortion doctors, and whose religion should be made illegal by the government.
Direct Action: Engaging in vandalism, violence, looting and rioting at a protest.
Fascist: Anyone who expresses any kind of conservative sentiment on any subject.
Jesus Christ: Son of God. Held up in reverence occasionally by Democratic politicians when giving speeches in order to try and gain the support of religious Americans. On any other occasion, someone whom liberals are to either completely ignore, or mock and blaspheme in disgusting ways for laughs on TV shows.
Nazi: Same definition as "Fascist," used when you want to be extra- insulting.
Racist: Anyone who disagrees with any of Barack Obama's policies.
Sexist: Anyone opposed to the practice of sucking babies out of their mothers' wombs and having an abortion doctor hack them to bits and chuck what's left of them into dumpsters.
Social Justice: Forcibly taking things away from people who worked hard to earn them, and redistributing them to people who won't do a single  thing to earn them.
Uncle Tom: Any non- white who expresses any kind of conservative sentiment (See also: Race traitor).
Zionist: Euphemistic term for Jews used in an attempt to hide one's anti- Semitism.
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Offline MrsSmith

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Re: How to speak republican...
« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2011, 09:12:27 AM »
Quote from: movie buff on October 29, 2011, 06:02:45 AM
Some terms on how to speak liberal/ how to speak DUmmy:
Affirmative Action: Correcting past racial discrimination in education and employment against blacks by engaging in racial discrimination in education and employment against whites.
Capitalism: Hideous, pure- evil system which is based around the vile premise that people succeeding on their own merit/ hard work is a bad thing. Must be completely destroyed and replaced with Socialist utopia which will magically fix everything.
Christians: Evil, stupid, insane monsters who've never done anything good to anyone, all want to kill gay people and abortion doctors, and whose religion should be made illegal by the government.
Direct Action: Engaging in vandalism, violence, looting and rioting at a protest.
Fascist: Anyone who expresses any kind of conservative sentiment on any subject.
Jesus Christ: Son of God. Held up in reverence occasionally by Democratic politicians when giving speeches in order to try and gain the support of religious Americans. On any other occasion, someone whom liberals are to either completely ignore, or mock and blaspheme in disgusting ways for laughs on TV shows.
Nazi: Same definition as "Fascist," used when you want to be extra- insulting.
Racist: Anyone who disagrees with any of Barack Obama's policies.
Sexist: Anyone opposed to the practice of sucking babies out of their mothers' wombs and having an abortion doctor hack them to bits and chuck what's left of them into dumpsters.
Social Justice: Forcibly taking things away from people who worked hard to earn them, and redistributing them to people who won't do a single  thing to earn them.
Uncle Tom: Any non- white who expresses any kind of conservative sentiment (See also: Race traitor).
Zionist: Euphemistic term for Jews used in an attempt to hide one's anti- Semitism.
:II:
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