GOBUCKS they are going to have to compensate you for all the free advertising you are giving them. 
Well, I just feel as though it's the least I can do.
After disgust at their repuke customer base drove waitress Eva to broadcast the horrible earwig infestation at
Perennial Pleasures Tea Garden, in beautiful East Hardwick, VT, to the entire world, someone
needed to lend a helping hand.
So I thought that I'd suggest these big ugly ducks, since someone with great experience here vouches
for their bug-eating prowess. The chickens that currently have free range throughout the property have
failed to keep the swarms of bugs at bay, but these ducks may be just the number.
With the earwigs under better control, those hated, greedy, demanding repuke customers, if they still insist
on coming, can be isolated on the screened-in porch, away from the beloved, impoverished, local hippies and winos.
Of course, confining a flock of ducks to a screened-in porch may lead to other problems...