How NOT to write a covering (sic) letter (Bouncy tale, DUmmies bust him)

[Ralph Wiggum]

GliderGuider  (1000+ posts)      Wed Jun-15-11 09:56 AM
Original message
How NOT to write a covering letter
 
The 18 year old son of a colleague at work is looking for a job. Dad has been teaching him the finer points of writing a covering letter: make it stand out, be clear about what work you're looking for, why you'd like to work for the company you're applying to, what special qualities you'd bring to the job - the usual stuff. Son was interested in working for a local bakery, so he applied. Afterwards he showed Dad the covering letter he'd sent them. Dad showed it to me yesterday, and I thought it was too good not to share. I'm transcribing it exactly as it is on the page in front of me, with his name XXed out...
 

To the General Manager.

This job is exactly the position I've been looking for!

Forget all the other candidates for the XYZ Bakery, I am the BEST.
Organize shit? Check.

Bake shit and shit? Doublecheck.

Customer service and shit? Megacheck.

Punctuality and shit? MOTHERFLIPPIN CHECK ALL OVER THAT.
Don't believe me? Check this shit out:
I am devilishly handsome. I will soon be attending my fourth prom in a row with three different girls.

I'm ridiculously smart: I can answer riddles in no f***ing time with my magic brain.

I have pinpoint accuracy: I once killed a hawk with a blowgun.

I am good for company morale, when someone cries I am all sympathetic and shit.
Need my resume? Nope, not when you got my FACTS!
I am honorable: I am the son of a government worker and a Pisces.

I am brave: I fight crime on the weekends. I don't wear a cape yo that shit is solely for PIMPS.

I am dependable: just call out "XXXXXXX!!" and that shit's covered.
I'll go ahead and pop in tomorrow to get my paperwork all signed up around 11 AM. No need for an interview, trust me you WILL love me. I got your address from myself because I'm learned in the area of local bakeries and shit. Actually I love the town of XYZ so I know the area.

sincerely,
Xxxxx

PS. My favorite color is TAUPE because it rhymes with DOPE!!

...He got the job...

Dad is beside himself (and shit).

I don't even know where to start with this one....

GeorgeGist  (1000+ posts)     Wed Jun-15-11 10:31 AM
Response to Original message
23. Bullshit ...
 I saw this letter 3 weeks ago. Different Dad, Different Employer.

 

GliderGuider  (1000+ posts)      Wed Jun-15-11 10:33 AM
Response to Reply #23
25. Hmmm. All I have to go on is what my colleague told me.
 Mr. Grumpy hates it when people smile.

octothorpe (161 posts)      Wed Jun-15-11 10:31 AM
Response to Original message
24. That reads oddly similar to this

[Karin]

Gliderguider actually fell for that?     These people are the most gullible fools in the world. 

Now, Rsmith's covering letter from his wife, that was the real deal. 

[Evil_Conservative]

That's hilarious and shit.

[GOBUCKS]

Gliderguider actually fell for that?     These people are the most gullible fools in the world. 

Now, Rsmith's covering letter from his wife, that was the real deal.

It was the real deal, but it wasn't much better.

[BattleHymn]

It was the real deal, but it wasn't much better.

The only thing between this resume and Rsmith's wife's resume would be a bit of atmosphere, as they fought over space in the trash can.

[miskie]

Variations of this chain letter have been around for at least a year or so.

Anyway, if anybody knows any exiled African princesses who need help moving money to the USA - point them in the direction of this primitive.