Author Topic: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...  (Read 6732 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 23558
  • Reputation: +2480/-270
  • Voted Rookie-of-the-Year, 3 years running
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #25 on: March 29, 2011, 01:58:30 PM »
The victor laid out his surgical instruments with the same degree of tidiness one would expect of an instructor or a student preapring to test. Not only were tools of the craft arranged by type, size and use but even the blades of the scapels and the curves of the hooks faced in uniform direction. The victor tapped in the air along the length of the tray to double and triple-check his work then satisfied he knitted his fingers together and then rested his hands between his legs as he swivled to his conquered victim.

The sight of the portly man, trussed-up as he was in the bedsheet, unable to move, held to the makeshift table was quite the spectacle. Even the face was tightly wrapped save for a pair of bewildered eyes that darted back and forth for clues about impending fate or an ever-dimming escape. It brought a smile to the victor's face.

"You've probably heard of sensory deprivation," the victor said smiling, giving the conquered a moment to focus his eyes where they were needed.

"Most people have dimly heard of it in some movie or a passing reference in the media or some such.

"It seems man is a sensory animal. A social animal. He has to have things to focus his attention. He has to have people to relate to. As much as some would argue the mind defines the reality the fact is the mind must be anchored in reality. It has to have input.

"In trying to figure out the extent of the mind's tether to reality much ink and many research dollars have been spilled. I mentioned sensory deprivation.

"Fascinating stuff that.

"It seems the researchers would take a subject and have them lie inside a tank. The tank was absolutely lightless and sound proof but they had more tricks than just that. They would use these sub-sonic emitters to deaden all sound to the point that even if the subject screamed he couldn't hear their own voice. And inside the tank they were lying in a pool of heavily salinated water so they floated, seemingly weightless but couldn't discern any sense of touch.

"The human mind, under these conditions, turns in on itself. The Russians--and we all know what tough sons-of-bitches they are--once put a KGB officer in one of these tanks and even though he had been training for the event he could only last 6 hours before he was reduced to a quivering, sobbing child.

"The Russians! Only 6 hours! Can you believe it?

"So that brings us to you."

The victor rose from his stool and hovered over the conquered. His voice softend to a whisper.

"First, I'm going to take out your eyes. Then I'm going to hollow out your ear canals so you can't even feel the vibrations of sound. Then I'm going to take your tongue."

The victor smiled as a tear beaded along the eye of the conquered.

"And then...

"...then I'm going to perform a procedure known as pithing. It's what they do to lab animals when they want the animal to be alive so they can inspect the organs while they still function but immobile and incapable of pain. I'm going to insert a blade into the base of your neck where it meets the skull and take away your ability to move and feel.

"Your darkness will be...

"...complete.

"But you are not going to die. Medical science, being the miracle that it is, will keep you alive for decades to come.

"Alive.

"Alone.

"In your complete darkness as your mind turns in on itself and I seriously doubt you're

"And when you finally do get to die. The 'one true judgment' perhaps?"

The victor renewed his smile.

"You know...Jesus, on the rare occassion He ever spoke of Hell, never spoke of fire and brimstone.

"He called it, 'The Outer Darkeness.' A place--a void--devoid of all aspects of reality as we know it. No light. No sound. No sensations whatsoever. It seems that those who reject the Creator are denied every facet of creation."

The bead had become a steady stream of tears on the conquered's face.

"Let's get to work, shall we?"
« Last Edit: March 29, 2011, 02:03:12 PM by SGT Snuggle Bunny »
According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."

Offline DumbAss Tanker

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 28493
  • Reputation: +1710/-151
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #26 on: March 29, 2011, 04:03:29 PM »
Actually MSB, someone I knew and had no reason to doubt once told me of something extremely similar, albeit in a much less clinical setting, happening to a captured double agent in a Southeast Asian country that will remain nameless.   
Go and tell the Spartans, O traveler passing by
That here, obedient to their law, we lie.

Anything worth shooting once is worth shooting at least twice.

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 23558
  • Reputation: +2480/-270
  • Voted Rookie-of-the-Year, 3 years running
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #27 on: March 29, 2011, 04:06:42 PM »
Actually MSB, someone I knew and had no reason to doubt once told me of something extremely similar, albeit in a much less clinical setting, happening to a captured double agent in a Southeast Asian country that will remain nameless.   
The sensory deprivation tank or the surgical imposition thereof?

I know such things have taken place; hence my use of the methodology. The best myths/fiction seize upon grains of fact to help the audience cross the gulf of disbelief.
According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."

Offline DumbAss Tanker

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 28493
  • Reputation: +1710/-151
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #28 on: March 30, 2011, 08:39:21 AM »
The permanent kind.
Go and tell the Spartans, O traveler passing by
That here, obedient to their law, we lie.

Anything worth shooting once is worth shooting at least twice.

Offline Eupher

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24894
  • Reputation: +2835/-1828
  • U.S. Army, Retired
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #29 on: March 30, 2011, 09:12:23 AM »
The permanent kind.

Lead usually makes things permanent.
Adams E2 Euphonium, built in 2017
Boosey & Co. Imperial Euphonium, built in 1941
Edwards B454 bass trombone, built 2012
Bach Stradivarius 42OG tenor trombone, built 1992
Kanstul 33-T BBb tuba, built 2011
Fender Precision Bass Guitar, built ?
Mouthpiece data provided on request.

Offline DumbAss Tanker

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 28493
  • Reputation: +1710/-151
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #30 on: March 30, 2011, 11:20:42 AM »
Bullets weren't involved.  Just things that cut or pierced.  I'll leave it at that.
Go and tell the Spartans, O traveler passing by
That here, obedient to their law, we lie.

Anything worth shooting once is worth shooting at least twice.

Offline SSG Snuggle Bunny

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 23558
  • Reputation: +2480/-270
  • Voted Rookie-of-the-Year, 3 years running
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #31 on: March 30, 2011, 11:43:49 AM »
Lead usually makes things permanent.
So shallow.

So banal.

For some death is an escape from what they truly deserve.

For some death has to be earned...

...by many, many nights of begging.
According to the Bible, "know" means "yes."

Offline Eupher

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24894
  • Reputation: +2835/-1828
  • U.S. Army, Retired
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #32 on: March 30, 2011, 12:27:44 PM »
So shallow.

So banal.

For some death is an escape from what they truly deserve.

For some death has to be earned...

...by many, many nights of begging.

You're still trying to re-write HNC's script.

I ain't.  :-)
Adams E2 Euphonium, built in 2017
Boosey & Co. Imperial Euphonium, built in 1941
Edwards B454 bass trombone, built 2012
Bach Stradivarius 42OG tenor trombone, built 1992
Kanstul 33-T BBb tuba, built 2011
Fender Precision Bass Guitar, built ?
Mouthpiece data provided on request.

Offline AllosaursRus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 11672
  • Reputation: +424/-293
  • Skip Tracing by Contract Only!
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #33 on: March 30, 2011, 12:40:52 PM »
Not bad at all.  

I definitely wouldn't let just any Hollywierdo read that line:  a Linda Hamilton/Tom Hanks/Patrick Stewart character could pull it off.   From a Russell Crowe character - as one example - it would destroy the mood you appear to be trying to set.

Yep! Depends on who's sayin' it. Pretty highbrow for most Hollywierd actors these days.

Good none the less! Keep up the good work HollyCon! Just need the right voice behind it.

Eta:

My vote is for an Anthony Hopkins type.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2011, 12:46:38 PM by AllosaursRus »
I'm the guy your mother warned you about!
 

Offline The Hollywood NeoCon

  • Visionary, Sage, Drunkard, Screenwriter
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1363
  • Reputation: +317/-290
  • "For God & Country: Geronimo, Geronimo, Geronimo"
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #34 on: March 31, 2011, 07:12:01 AM »

My vote is for an Anthony Hopkins type.

I love Sir Anthony, but I was thinking more along the lines of a Michael Gambon or Tom Wilkinson.

Thanks all of your for chipping in with your advice and thoughts!  :cheersmate:

Offline dandi

  • Live long, and piss off liberals.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3341
  • Reputation: +553/-28
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #35 on: March 31, 2011, 09:48:31 AM »
I love Sir Anthony, but I was thinking more along the lines of a Michael Gambon or Tom Wilkinson.

Meh, smooth talking British bad guys are too predictable.

Good known bad guys for what you are driving at would be Willem Dafoe or maybe Christopher Walken.  If you were looking for an unexpected type who could deliver a range of evil dead pan, laughing sociopath, and raving demon, I can suggest two:

Lemmy



Blackie Lawless

I don't want...anybody else
When I think about me I touch myself

Offline IassaFTots

  • In WTF-istan, I am considered a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13972
  • Reputation: +770/-274
  • Oh well, I wasn't using my civil liberties anyway.
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #36 on: March 31, 2011, 10:05:50 AM »
Meh, smooth talking British bad guys are too predictable.

Good known bad guys for what you are driving at would be Willem Dafoe or maybe Christopher Walken.  If you were looking for an unexpected type who could deliver a range of evil dead pan, laughing sociopath, and raving demon, I can suggest two:

Lemmy



Blackie Lawless




LEMMY!!!!!!    :cheersmate:
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

The infinite is possible at zombocom.  www.zombo.com

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King
 
“Political Correctness is about turning a blind eye to painful reality because your comfortable feelings are more important to you than saving lives and providing quality of life to people who work their ass off to be productive and are a benefit to this great American Dream"  ~Ted Nugent

Offline Ree

  • It's Ree...
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1963
  • Reputation: +110/-42
  • 100+ pounds lighter.. Ain't I hot
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #37 on: March 31, 2011, 10:24:04 AM »
I'm working on a scene, and I would be very grateful for your opinions on whether or not this would rank among one of the most beautiful, elegantly dreadful and effective final statements ever concocted.

I'm hesitant to give you any clue as to story context, because I want it to seem as credible coming from a normal (albeit sociopathic) human being, as it would an immortal demon.

Thanks so much for whatever "notes" you could give me.  :-)

PS - Please feel free to submit your re-writes.
He says he's gonna kill him, then says he's doomed to haunt the insane, is this killer like god or somethin? Coz how can  he be sure what happen to the killed one  after he's dead?
Now maybe I'm missin somethin  Coz I get if a demon said it, it might work, but a sociopath just makes him look crazier . But I don't watch  horror movies or read tat kind of  book   
In Tennessee. I came down here to get warm,froze my arse off since I got here..
Just my luck... ;-P

Offline The Hollywood NeoCon

  • Visionary, Sage, Drunkard, Screenwriter
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1363
  • Reputation: +317/-290
  • "For God & Country: Geronimo, Geronimo, Geronimo"
Re: I need your opinion, if you would be so kind...
« Reply #38 on: March 31, 2011, 01:33:01 PM »

LEMMY!!!!!!    :cheersmate:

Believe me, if I could thought we could keep Lemmy sober and coherent enough to do the role, I'd have cast that insane mofo in a second.  :-)