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Author Topic: A Republican entering heaven  (Read 2550 times)

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Offline Freeper

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A Republican entering heaven
« on: March 02, 2011, 05:40:03 PM »
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Rocknrule  (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Tue Mar-01-11 10:38 PM
Original message
A Republican entering heaven
   
Edited on Tue Mar-01-11 10:47 PM by Rocknrule
Got this from an email, passing it on here:

God: "Why should I let you into heaven, my son?"
Republican: "I voted Republican my whole life. I hated the same people You hate. I accepted Your only other son, George W. Bush, as my lord and savior."
G: "From what I can see, you spent your entire life stealing from the poor to give to the rich."
R: "But those are just blacks and illegal immigrants, Lord! They're just welfare-sucking burdens on society! They're not really people!"
G: "Whatever you do to the least of those among you, you do to me."
R: "But I was against abortion and homosexuality!"
G: "You think blowing up abortion clinics and tying gay people to a fence and beating them to death is going to score points with me?"
R: "But I thought all you cared about was abortion and homosexuality, Lord!"
G: "Did you give money to the poor like I commanded?"
R: "No, but I spent money on killing Your enemies in Iraq, Lord! I thought giving to the poor was socialism!"
G: "What part of "thou shalt not kill" don't you understand?"
R: "But I defended the lives of unborn fetuses tooth and nail!"
G: "When I was hungry, you did not feed me..."
R: "But I was against abortion and homosexuality!"
G: "When I was naked, you did not clothe me..."
R: "You're not listening Lord, I was against ABORTION AND HOMOSEXUALITY!!!"
G: "When I was in prison, you did not visit me..."
R: "SHUT UP, GOD!!! I was against abortion and homosexuality and that should be good enough for you! I'm a Republican, we rule the universe, not you!"
G: "I never knew you. Depart from me, ye worker of iniquity!"
R: "YOU'RE A SOCIALIST COMMUNIST MARXIST MUSLIM, GOD!"

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x537594

 :whatever:

God: Why should I let you into heaven, my son?
Democrat: I supported taxing the rich and giving to the poor. I was a socialist just like Jesus.
God: *laughs* Jesus a socialist? But what did you do to feed the poor?
D: I supported legislation and high taxes on the rich.
G: So you admit you never did anything on your own to feed the poor?
D: I just told you I supported legislation to feed the poor.
G: Ok next question did you accept Jesus and recognize that the only way to get into Heaven was to accept him and follow him?
D: Well, no I believe that Jesus being the only way was discriminatory.
G: So far you are 0 and 2, next question did you follow my son's teaching about what you do to the least of his brethren you do to him by opposing abortion?
D: No, no one has a right to tell a woman what she can do with her body.
G: Ok 0 and 4, see ya!
D: You racist, bigoted, homophobe.

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I may not lock my doors while sitting at a red light and a black man is near, but I sure as hell grab on tight to my wallet when any democrats are close by.

Offline Carl

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2011, 05:43:20 PM »
The day will arrive when this person discovers mocking God carries a terrible price.
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Offline Duke Nukum

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2011, 05:46:46 PM »
^Whom God would destroy, He first makes mad. 

Considering the DUmmies are already mad...
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Offline AllosaursRus

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2011, 06:02:21 PM »
This asshat needs crucified! With railroad spikes! Thru what genitals he has left!
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Offline PatriotGame

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2011, 06:06:09 PM »
How many times have I stated it here:

"A life spent sucking on a bong WILL result in an adverse mental health status."

Keep mocking God - then some day realize that your short 72.14378 years of queer sex and dope smoking on this planet is NOTHING compared to swimming in a lake of flesh melting fire...for eternity...
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2011, 06:11:09 PM »
Quote from: Freeper on March 02, 2011, 05:40:03 PM
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x537594

 :whatever:

God: Why should I let you into heaven, my son?
Democrat: I supported taxing the rich and giving to the poor. I was a socialist just like Jesus.
God: *laughs* Jesus a socialist? But what did you do to feed the poor?
D: I supported legislation and high taxes on the rich.
G: So you admit you never did anything on your own to feed the poor?
D: I just told you I supported legislation to feed the poor.
G: Ok next question did you accept Jesus and recognize that the only way to get into Heaven was to accept him and follow him?
D: Well, no I believe that Jesus being the only way was discriminatory.
G: So far you are 0 and 2, next question did you follow my son's teaching about what you do to the least of his brethren you do to him by opposing abortion?
D: No, no one has a right to tell a woman what she can do with her body.
G: Ok 0 and 4, see ya!
D: You racist, bigoted, homophobe.
G: You see that Marine over there guarding the pearly gates?
D: Yeah, what about the baby killing bastard?
G: Well, you are consistant. Those are the same words you used back in the 60's just before you spit on him.
D: So what?
G: So he's the one that gets to personally kick your ass all the way to hell.......and he's taking the long way.

 


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Offline jukin

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2011, 06:48:59 PM »
D: I supported and worked tirelessly for infanticide.
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When you are the beneficiary of someone’s kindness and generosity, it produces a sense of gratitude and community.

When you are the beneficiary of a policy that steals from someone and gives it to you in return for your vote, it produces a sense of entitlement and dependency.

Offline Boudicca

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #7 on: March 02, 2011, 06:56:38 PM »
Quote from: Freeper on March 02, 2011, 05:40:03 PM
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x537594

 :whatever:

God: Why should I let you into heaven, my son?
Democrat: I supported taxing the rich and giving to the poor. I was a socialist just like Jesus.
God: *laughs* Jesus a socialist? But what did you do to feed the poor?
D: I supported legislation and high taxes on the rich.
G: So you admit you never did anything on your own to feed the poor?
D: I just told you I supported legislation to feed the poor.
G: Ok next question did you accept Jesus and recognize that the only way to get into Heaven was to accept him and follow him?
D: Well, no I believe that Jesus being the only way was discriminatory.
G: So far you are 0 and 2, next question did you follow my son's teaching about what you do to the least of his brethren you do to him by opposing abortion?
D: No, no one has a right to tell a woman what she can do with her body.
G: Ok 0 and 4, see ya!
D: You racist, bigoted, homophobe.




AND next thing ya know, the Dummie is spat back into the world of the living, cuz he was too hateful for Satan.
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Offline AllosaursRus

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2011, 07:06:00 PM »
Quote from: Boudicca on March 02, 2011, 06:56:38 PM

AND next thing ya know, the Dummie is spat back into the world of the living, cuz he was too hateful for Satan.

Well at least when Satan spits him back out, it will be in the form of a toilet seat in the ghetto of Detroit! Hopefully in Diarrhea Alley!
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Offline true_blood

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2011, 08:14:16 PM »
Quote from: Carl on March 02, 2011, 05:43:20 PM
The day will arrive when this person discovers mocking God carries a terrible price.
Indeed it will. Sucks to be that primitive.
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Offline Splashdown

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2011, 08:29:34 PM »
Sigh.

Today's Gospel reading was Jesus telling his Apostles what's going to happen when he gets to Jerusalem. The Apostles, as usual, didn't get it. James and John just heard what they wanted to, and then demanded that Jesus give them the spots on his right and left in heaven, ignoring the whole  "I'm going to suffer and die soon" part.

Could Jesus have picked twelve harder-headed, stubborn, slow-learning followers? And yet look what, in his name, they helped bring about. I hope there's a message in there for me.

I think a lot about that Gospel reading. Sometimes we hear the Word, we see the Word, It's right in front of us, but we just. don't. get. it.

Poor Rocknrule just. doesn't. get. it. Someday, hopefully, he/she will.
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Offline Karin

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #11 on: March 03, 2011, 08:50:34 AM »
Quote
I hated the same people You hate. I accepted Your only other son, George W. Bush, as my lord and savior."
  I stopped reading there, because I was profoundly offended.  I had a small dizzy spell.  Everyone has to draw their own line, and mine was there. 
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #12 on: March 03, 2011, 09:41:49 AM »
Quote from: Duke Nukum on March 02, 2011, 05:46:46 PM
^Whom God would destroy, He first makes mad. 

Considering the DUmmies are already mad...

I really don't mind them being destroyed, I'm just worried about them taking the rest of us down with them when they go.
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Offline TexasCop

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #13 on: March 03, 2011, 10:24:27 AM »
See, DUmmies think you get into heaven by doing good deeds.  No.  You can only get to heaven through the blood of Christ.  You can feed a million poor people, but if you don't accept Christ as your savior and experience the rebirth, you're not going anywhere.  Seeing as most liberals attack religion as a fairy tale, I think we know how their conversation with God will really go.....
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Offline docstew

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Re: A Republican entering heaven
« Reply #14 on: March 03, 2011, 11:15:38 AM »
Quote from: Boudicca on March 02, 2011, 06:56:38 PM

AND next thing ya know, the Dummie is spat back into the world of the living, cuz he was too hateful for SatanSatan knew that the more of these type of people there were running around, the more souls he could collect.

FIFY
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