Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

[debk]

I suspect you're dead on there, a bad father can do incredible damage, really much worse than any of us would care to think about.

Still, I applaud the author, I feel she is fundamentally right about the superior value of having a good father in a girl's life to provide a well-centered picture for her of gender relations, where she can and should fit in, and what she should demand in a partner instead of taking the street-sweepings that our popular culture would try to sell her.

Having had a "bad" father, myself ...I know. I also am very aware of how my ex's actions and interactions with my children have affected them. "Bad" mothers can be equally detrimental to both daughters and sons.  

However, I would also like to point out, particularly in today's world, step-parents can also have both positive and negative impacts on children. At the very least, the step-parent will influence the biological parent's interactions with the child.



 

[IassaFTots]

Having had a "bad" father, myself ...I know. I also am very aware of how my ex's actions and interactions with my children have affected them. "Bad" mothers can be equally detrimental to both daughters and sons.  

However, I would also like to point out, particularly in today's world, step-parents can also have both positive and negative impacts on children. At the very least, the step-parent will influence the biological parent's interactions with the child.

Deb, I couldn't agree with you more.  My step-mom was a fabulous star in my dark night of adolescence.  Everything that I went through, I would gladly go through again just to keep her in my life.   

[Tucker]

Since geniph didn't mention gender, I was wondering if it were to someone that the marriage is recognized in all 50 states and by the IRS.

That's what I was alluding to.

[DumbAss Tanker]

Oh, I agree; it's really about the child's accepted father figure in the child's life, not pure biological parenthood.

[Splashdown]

My daily prayer is that I can be the father that my daughters deserve.

[Evil_Conservative]

For anyone who wants to pick it up, it's currently $8.96 on Amazon.

[Boudicca]

I'm late to this thread, as is often the case.  However, this quote from the book which so incensed the lib and his man hating wife:

"....Dr. Meeker demonstrates that the most important factor for girls growing up into confident, well adjusted women is a strong father with conservative values. To have one, she shows, is the best protection against eating disorders, failure in school, STDs, unwed pregnancy and drug or alcohol abuse - and the best predictor of academic achievement, successful marriage, and a satisfying emotional life."

Well, too ****ing bad the doctor is correct, you idiots.  A girl isn't going to think highly of herself if the first and, until her marriage, the most important man in her life is A. absent B. abusive C. a limp wristed pantywaist who won't defend himself OR her. 

Common sense isn't one of your strongest suits, is it, dummies?

BTW, our relatively conservatively raised daughter (and by relatively I'm sure you would interpret it to mean we chained her in a cave on bread and water and force fed her the Bible for 18 years ) is a well adjusted adult female, making her own money, supporting herself and omg, saving herself for the right man.  And if he turns out to abuse her trust, my husband will come down on him like a ****ing ton of bricks, the way my Dad did on my ex.  Who was a lib, by the way, so I shoulda known better.

[Boudicca]

Oh, I agree; it's really about the child's accepted father figure in the child's life, not pure biological parenthood.

Yes, the father figure CAN be more important than the sperm donor, and often is.  The main thing, of course, is the safety, security and love a daughter AND a son finds with both parents.  And if it's not at all possible, a granddad or uncle or other big brother type can assume the privileges and responsibilities of fatherhood.

[Boudicca]

That's what democrats would call an "Ozzie and Harriet" childhood.

OK, HI5 for that

[Boudicca]

Since geniph didn't mention gender, I was wondering if it were to someone that the marriage is recognized in all 50 states and by the IRS.

That's what I was alluding to.

You forgot to mention the criteria that it's someone he wouldn't be put in jail over, or turned over to animal cruelty organizations. :-)Sorry, I can be so mean sometimes.

[Boudicca]

My daily prayer is that I can be the father that my daughters deserve.

And the fact that your daily prayer is thus means you already ARE that kind of father.  HI5

[AllosaursRus]

Some women have probably done better not having had a father figure at all, than having had a really bad one.

If a girl has a strong, independent, hardworking, loving mother to teach them how to be the best that they can, and there are a lot of single mothers out there that fit this category! ...as opposed to a mother who cats around going to the bars looking for men and sleeping with any tom, dick or harry that wants them for a night, stays with a man who abuses both the mother and the children, collects permanent welfare, does drugs, ignores the girl....the girl is going to do fine, provided the crappy father had little to no influence or presence in the girl's life.

Sometimes, a mother can counteract a father's behavioral influence on the children and sometimes she can't, just as sometimes it's the father that's the positive influence instead of the mother. It's much more difficult in today's world, when judges are more likely to give both parents equal time with the children, to protect children from the less than stellar parent.

The personality and behavior of both parents have a great impact on a child - regardless of the sex of the child. The difference is that a girl will consciously, AND unconsciously, look for men that are like her father. The better the father - in all aspects of his life - the better the daughter's choices in boys/men. Women tend to retain many of personality and behavior, etc, of their mothers unless they are determined to be "different" from their mothers. It could be that because a woman's "role" in society has changed so much since WWII and even more so in the last 30 years, that external forces have had such a much greater influence on women than men. The external influences have had both positive and negative impact on women.

Men will tend to treat the women in their lives the way their father treated their mother, and/or the way their mother taught them to treat women. Men are also likely to acquire many of the traits of their fathers...good and bad...and will keep both of those traits unless some external influence - mother, other family members, friends, teachers, etc. - alter the man's behavior prior to teenage years, as most people's (male and female) personalities are formed by the time they reach 13 or 14. To change after that point in life...requires some pretty strong influences. 

I would think a well written book about the influence a father has on his daughter's life and how to be a positive influence on the daughter - regardless of the political leanings of the author - would be a good thing for a man to read. 

"Toots" always used me as the heavy. If punishment had to be doled out, it was up to me, so "Toots" could always play the best friend angle! Pissies me off! She gets the gravy and I get the shaft!

Ah well, it seemed to have worked out for the better. I gotta couple great kids and 5 fantastic grandkids. I spoil the shit outa them and get grief from my kids who continually tell me, "Ya never woulda let me get away with that"! Heh, it's great!

[BlueStateSaint]

My daily prayer is that I can be the father that my daughters deserve.

An H5 from me.  I need to start praying that.  I've been pretty tough and tender at the same time.  My daughter is a lot like me.  I know what worked with me, and I do that with The Heiress.  And I'm consistent with discipline--if something my daughter did once got her in trouble, when she does it again, she gets in trouble again.  She absolutely hates going to the corner.  If she tries to test me, she fails.  It's that simple.  And I try to be nurturing when I think she needs it.  Mainly, she tells me that she loves me and runs to kiss me . . . but it's obvious that she watches far too much football, as she'll turn just before she gets to me, and puts her shoulder right into my sternum.  Who knew that a 35-pound child could have that much force?

She's in the "titanic threes"--and my wife is walking her up the sidewalk as I type.  Gotta go!