"I'm such a right-wing jerk..."

[The Hollywood NeoCon]

...whenever I come across a panhandler on the street, I find the nearest fast food joint, go in and buy a burger, then go stand next to him and eat it - and not offer him any.

...anytime I'm behind a truck that has one of those "How Am I Driving?" stickers, I immediately call the number and complain, even if he's driving just dandy. After all, he's probably union.

Since the primitives are pretty much convinced every conservative is an evil murderer, we may as well just go ahead and start ridding the world of them by slow, painful attrition. I wouldn't actually kill them, but I'll be happy to annoy the hell out of them until they leave.

Preferrably on the same flight as Alec Baldwin.

You get the idea, now run with it...

[Boudicca]

Whenever the Salvation Army volunteer isn't looking I grab something FOR ME ME ME out of the back of his truck of donated items.
When my financial advisor collected cans for the local food bank and invited his clients to bring a can and have some free nibbles, I came, crammed food in my coat pockets (does anyone remember that scene in Trading Places where Dan Ackroyd goes to the Christmas shindig and does that?) AND I swiped a few cans of food on the way out.
Any time I see a homeless person I do my best to steal their shopping cart while pretending to be fishing in my purse for loose change.


I'm sure there are plenty of evil, heartless conservatives here at the Cave who can top these.

Just don't be surprised if some idiot liberal lifts this entire thread, minus any explanatory sentences, and posts it on the world wide libnet, otherwise known as Dystopia.

[IassaFTots]

Well, this is from a while ago, when I used to process medical insurance claims.  When we received claims, we would pay based on "assignment of benefits."  Sometimes people pay for their claims, and expect reimbursment from the company.  I ALWAYS paid the doctor, regardless of assignment, because I figure that's what they do for a living, they need the money more. 

Now currently:

On my commute, I drive through some pretty she-she-poo-poo areas.  During election season, I targeted which households had (D) signs out front.  Now I drive really slow through the neighborhoods, on my way home, jamming to my tunes.    I only even have one CD in my car.  It plays one song.  "Stranglehold."  Only one volume setting too.  Eleven.  (11).  That's one more than 10. 

When it's really cold, I wear my Grandma's mink coat.  (Hello! This is why the Russians wear Mink, it keeps you warm!)  Then I go shop at Whole Foods.  I don't think the CEO would mind too much.   

[Eupher]

...I steal my doctor's copy of the large print edition of Reader's Digest out of his office.

...the neighborhood kids call me "Mr. Wilson" because I'm a cheap, heartless, anti-kid bastard. For example, when Dennis the Menace leaves his bike on my lawn, I winch it up into my 45-foot oak tree and let the air out of the tires in the process.

...I "accidentally" kick over recycling containers whenever I find them.

...Instead of TPing Dennis the Menace's house with 134 rolls of Charmin, I roll up plastic bags and stuff them up his gutter downspouts. If I'm lucky, the gutters will collapse from the weight of the water.

...I pour used motor oil along the edge of my driveway (it kills the weeds).

[ColonialMarine0431]

When I was a Boy Scout I used to walk little old ladies across the street, then leave them half way in the middle of the road after grabbing their shopping bags and purse! The stunned look on their faces was priceless.  

[The Hollywood NeoCon]

JESUS, you people are terrible!!!   

[formerlurker]

...I pour used motor oil along the edge of my driveway (it kills the weeds).

It good to put in small streams behind your house also -- gets rid of the mosquitoes better than anything else I ever used.

[mamacags]

I put antifreeze in the wild buffalo roaming area at Yellowstone.  I was afraid the water would freeze.

I don't care if it is 110 degrees.  I ALWAYS wear my baby seal lined boots to Walmart.

I don't want to hurt the environment so I let the air out of all of the tires on Obama bumper sticker wearing cars.

I donate to religious charities every month from my dog fighting winnings.

I paid Nancy Pelosi's plastic surgeon for a little special extra tuck in her last face lift.

I sent 10,000 coupons to Fat Billy's Pork BBQ to the muslim school in Barry O's name.

[Wineslob]

I pour used motor oil in the creek behind my house. To damn many mosquito's and baby ducks. Plus the stupid Otters keep eating all the fairy shrimp and pup fish.

[CactusCarlos]

I donate to religious charities every month from my dog fighting winnings.

 

H5

[longview]

I kill old horses and use their remains to trap coyotes and bobcats.

I show enviro-nazis how their failed policies impact wildlife and cause suffering.

I paint my corral poles with used motor oil.

I wear a coat trimmed in the fur of a coyote I trapped.

[CactusCarlos]

I *ALWAYS* dispose of plastic and aluminum in regular trash.  

I've poured every type of household toxic chemical down the drain as well as down the storm drain.  

I throw away unopened reams of paper at work.  

I always use more paper products than I need.  

I burn tires every opportunity I can.

I set mexican flags on fire.

I keep a container of bacon grease in my desk.  I make sure to give a nice coating to selected items in the office that are frequently touched by muslims.  

[Eupher]

I keep a container of bacon grease in my desk.  I make sure to give a nice coating to selected items in the office that are frequently touched by muslims.  

 

All these are great, but what about some ORIGINAL ideas, people?!?

[formerlurker]

 

I always use more paper products than I need.  

Paper?   rookie.   It's styrafoam or nothing in this "real conservative's" house.

I also almost exclusively purchase soda with the plastic rings.   I collect and deposit them at the local park when I toss out rice for the birds.......

[Eupher]

....I wait until my libtard BIL comes over to lay around and drink my beer, then I go outside with my chain saw and begin murdering the trees in my yard. He lasts for 2 minutes before fleeing.

[IassaFTots]

All these are great, but what about some ORIGINAL ideas, people?!?

I sell counterfeit Coach purses, lined with magnets, on the street corner right between the Section 8 housing and the Beer Barn.  

Then, I go to the closest Walmart on the 1st of the month, and lurk.  

[formerlurker]

I have to confess that I have been remiss by using only non-splash bleach when I spray the garbage bags to keep the critters at bay.   While the garbage men have been very thankful for the switch (no longer splashes up in their eyes), it is more expensive so screw them.    Back to the $.49/jug variety it is.  

[formerlurker]

I sell counterfeit Coach purses, lined with magnets, on the street corner right between the Section 8 housing and the Beer Barn.  

Then, I go to the closest Walmart on the 1st of the month, and lurk.  

 

[IassaFTots]

While at the above mentioned Walmart,  I will scout for cars that have any pro democrat, anti war, lovey peacy feely bumperstickers and update them with an oldie but a goodie.  The Stars and Bars. 

[ColonialMarine0431]

I drive through the Section 8 housing on saturday nights playing "Sweet Home Alabama" as loud as possible on my car stereo.

[Evil_Conservative]

I take pens that say, "Do not take"

[Eupher]

Next Easter morning I'm organizing an Easter egg hunt on the lawn of the local Democratic party headquarters.

[thundley4]

I shop at K Mart when possible and buy one item just to see them print up out a 2 feet long receipt for it.

At work we'll burn paint and varnish of motor parts and pump  it into the air.

Next Easter morning I'm organizing an Easter egg hunt on the lawn of the local Democratic party headquarters.

Use raw eggs and don't invite anyone to find them.

[Chris_]

Use raw eggs and don't invite anyone to find them.

Put them out in March.

[ColonialMarine0431]

When the local NAACP did a toy drive last Christmas, I put a watermelon and an old Little Black Sambo cartoon book  in the donation box.