hypochondrial primitive fighting with her husband

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=301x797

Oh my.

Note the date; this is really a long spat.

Do martial spats usually last this long?

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Thu Sep-02-10 10:41 AM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Original message

don't think i will survive the hubby's midlife crisis.  

we have been together for 25 years, 4 kids. he was an ass a lot of that time, and we nearly split 5 years ago. i haven't had a job in all that time, so we are still together in no small part because of the tender trap that is children. but things got a lot better after that near breakup, with him apologizing many times for all the asshole things he pulled.

he turns 50 this year, and has had a few of those midlife knocks that make you brood. i had a beauty of a one myself, in fact that was pretty much what led to the near split. up until then, he met my angst with bullshit. i have already told him that i have no intention of going back to the way it used to be. if he wants to relive his childhood, or whatever the ****, he has to continue to be decent and respectful. we have had 3 'events' in the last month that are right back in the old manipulative bullshit bag.

trouble is, i am still in that trap. the kids are big, and i have been trying hard to make it as an artist. if we split, i give up that dream.

**** all.

Oh my.

In case anyone's not familiar with the hypochondrial primitive, she's the primitive who has had every disease and affliction known in the history of mankind, including hemophilia and prostrate cancer.

elleng  (1000+ posts)        Thu Sep-02-10 11:15 AM
THE PRIMITIVE WHO'S ABOUT A GENERATION OLDER THAN franksolich THOUGHT SHE WAS
Response to Original message

1. SO SAD for you, mop.

I LOVE your 'he met my angst with bullshit,' as I am JUST NOW preparing a response to my 'stranged husb's request that I 'work on' tuition loan for our 22-yr old daughter. Husb has so far refused to provide me with proceeds/my share from sale of house, so I've had to sue him. He is FULL of bullshit. So I'm gonna tell him, 'I'll help if you agree to engage in ADR as required by the Judge.'

(P.S, he has plenty of $, so tuition could be paid in full today if he chose to do so.)

In theory, the primitive who's about a generation older than franksolich thought she was, is an attorney.

When she divorced her husband, also allegedly an attorney, he gave her a bunch of real-estate papers to sign.

The primitive signed them without reading them.

Now, how attorney-like is that?

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Thu Sep-02-10 11:23 AM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Response to Reply #1

2. yeah, one of the things that helped keep it together this long was knowing just how ugly it would be to divorce him. his brakes will come off, and whoa boy.

i wish du'ers could do something about my dream. part of the fuel for this particular fire is that we have been trying to buy a little place in galena, il, so that i could put a clay studio out there, and get some more undivided time to work. but it is all a money pit. hell, i blew $1k this summer doing art fairs where i sold pretty much zip. i have yet to sell anything but little trinkets.

i just can't stop myself from thinking that if i had stuck to my guns 5 years ago, i would have moved on by now. he is a good person in a lot of ways, but he is pathetically un-self-aware. even tho i know that he is in a bad spot, he doesn't get it.

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Thu Sep-09-10 10:56 AM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Response to Reply #2

11. well, the house deal looks like it went south on me.

the realtor stacked the deck for another bidder, and i appear to have lost. haven't had the courtesy of a phone call, but fannie mae's website says the house is 'under contract'.

which leaves my in a quandary. we thought all along that if this fell through, we would go with a different house that we both liked, him especially. but if we are going to split, i will end up having to leave my current house more or less permanently, and be exiled out there. i want to work out there, but i never had any intention of leaving the home i live in now, or leaving chicago altogether. the second choice is more money, too, so hanging on to both would be even harder.

i thought i was going to get some breathing room. but it appears i will be further smothered.

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Sat Sep-04-10 10:49 AM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Response to Original message

3. well, it's devolving into open warfare when you fight back against the person who is subtly jabbing at you with every question in every conversation, you are the hysterical one. when you freak out when you have just put in an offer on a place to get away, a place that you have been trying to get your hands on for 6 months, and the person with the money declares that he just now realizes that he doesn't understand the financing options, you are the crazy one. he was as much the one that wanted to buy this place as i, but he said all along that it was my place to work, so it was my deal. i knew he didn't believe that, and he was going to erupt at the worst possible moment, and he has.

he admits that he hates me. not aaallllll the time. just when i am being a shrew. just when i don't play the stupid games he plays. just when i am not a nice quiet little piece of meat.

elleng  (1000+ posts)        Sat Sep-04-10 11:59 AM
THE PRIMITIVE WHO'S ABOUT A GENERATION OLDER THAN franksolich THOUGHT SHE WAS
Response to Reply #3
 
4. Oh, Dear mop!

And I DO know! According to 'him,' I was/am 'sick,' incapable, etc, etc. Tells adr 'negotiator' and court, and probably our daughters and his family, tho been subjecting me to emotional abuse for 20 years, and physical too!

So 'funny,' 'he' didn't understanding our refinanced mortgage, as if doing the deal was my idea and I didn't tell him the details and he didn't agree and sign. AND the s.o.b. works at SEC! 'Duh, she did this evil thing! and I didn't know!'

Well, I've taken my first affirmatively aggressive move, told him I'd help with tuition loan application IF he will contact attorney and say he's ready to return to negotiations AS ORDERED BY JUDGE! Haven't heard anything, since.

Actually had the gall to sign a note to me, 'recently,' 'I really do love you.' Sociopath has no idea what the word means and signifies.

So you and I are in 'this' together, mop.

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Sat Sep-04-10 12:12 PM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Response to Reply #4

5. oh, now we are all nicey-nice cuz he went to the bank and they told him what i told him, so now he can believe it.

and i tell ya, if this ends up with a divorce, i will get the meanest lawyer in chicago. not cuz i want to screw him but because i have to. i will be screwed if i don't.

he has been talking about doing contract work, which will involve travel. i wish he would hurry it up already. he needs to make some sort of change in his life, and travel and more money would likely do a lot. just pisses me off that i am smart enough to see that this is coming out of his quite understandable midlife frustration. smart enough to keep talking about that even in the midst of a shootin' war. but he is too stupid to see how this is coming from him. me- emotional and emotive, with a strong mechanism to channel and examine it. him-wrapped tight and emotionally ignorant, always in denial. hmm. i must be the crazy one.

i tell ya, if any of my daughters think for a second about being dependent on a spouse, i will kill them.

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Sat Sep-04-10 02:47 PM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Response to Reply #6

7. honestly, i love him. i think he sincerely loves me. 

he only hates me when i fight back. to which i say i welcome that hatred. or at least i do later on.
i just want to stay out of his way while he goes through a painful period that i can't help him with. please fannie mae, take our offer. let me do some traveling, too.

sheesh. love sucks.

SheilaT  (1000+ posts)      Sat Sep-04-10 09:42 PM
Response to Original message
 
9. My personal advice to you is to move on as soon as is realistically possible.

It's scary. I was married for 25 years, stay home mom, two kids. Lucky me, I'd worked on my own for some years before we ever married (I was 32) and so I have decent skills. Just be realistic, get the best possible job you can, and do whatever is needed to better yourself. I'm guessing you're no older than 50 yourself, and trust me, you are plenty young enough to get some kind of new training. Okay, so you're never going to be a CEO of some major corporation, but heck, you might not have made it that far even if you'd gone to Harvard Business School back when and never married, or never had kids.

Go to your local junior college (I hope you have one) and see what kind of testing and programs they have for people like you. Many of them do.

DON'T hold out for your dream job. I know nothing about making it as an artist, but I suspect that's really not a good financial way to go. If you're even remotely good with numbers accounting jobs seem to be readily available.

And don't back down from what you deserve, no matter what.

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Tue Sep-07-10 09:41 AM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Response to Reply #9

10. i'm 56 and taking graphic design classes right now. half way through a certificate program at a big art school. i should be done next summer. actually have a small freelance job now, but it made me realize that i could specialize in campaign material. i have the connection to get started, i think, and a knowledge base that allows me to write copy and all. most of the print stuff i have taught myself, but i really need to get some web training.

he said something this weekend that sort of has my stomach twisting. we had a big fight (the only kind now, because i just will not be a good girl.) and afterward he told me that he just needs to feel the love flowing to him. that he wishes i would come over and hug him every time he comes in the room. yeah. just call me mommy.

and no, there is no money in art. it is a money sink. at least for me it is. but i might be able to get a clay studio set up and rent spaces to other clay people if i can work a deal for some property out in galena, il that we are looking at. it is about a 3 hour drive away, and my plan was to commute back and forth a few days at a time. i will have to come back for school. i love this house, and will miss it. but i am tired of being mommy, and think i will spend a lot of time out there.

if i can get freelance work, i might make enough to get by without getting the money chain yanked. we do have some money in a 401k that i could be taking in 3 years if it was split and in my own name. we do have 4 kids in college right now, all 5 next year. so i think the whole money thing will be deep.

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Sun Sep-12-10 08:16 PM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Response to Original message

15. oh joy. we are at the subversive anger phase. 

making dinner, but not telling me that it is there. mmm.

i think this is day 4 of walking around the house not speaking or making eye contact. fun fun. see how much he loves me?

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Sun Sep-19-10 10:29 AM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Response to Original message

16. well, he is off to california for a week. some breathing room. 

off to a geeky conference. hopefully he will hit on some consulting work. i have been looking at artist residencies a little. that might be a help. i think he really needs to spend some time without me. maybe then he will see that i am not the root of all that is wrong with his life.

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Sun Sep-26-10 11:37 AM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Response to Original message

17. back from his business trip

walked in with his big "i'm sorry, this was all my fault, ....." to which i answered "it doesn't matter. it's too late for that."

so we dance around each other, and he tries to be good. 2 weeks since i told him i thought we should talk about a divorce, and he has said absolutely nothing about it. 2 weeks i have been sleeping on the couch. and this right here is the problem, and he knows it. he blows things up, then cannot, cannot, cannot be the one to start the conversation to put them back together. he was able to do that the last few years, after our last split. now he has forgotten how, i guess. so we just soak in it.

i am going back to a therapist that i was seeing for a while. i see her tomorrow.

[JohnnyReb]

She has a lover that won't leave his wife....I pity him....the lover that is....he's got to be desperate to be tapping dat.

As for her old man, He should trade her in for 2 ditzy 20 year olds and die with a smile on his face.....he deserves it.

[Carl]

Dear Mo,

You are a ball and chain,an anchor around the neck...your husband is sick of going broke so you can feel like an enlightened "artist".

Your art doen`t sell because it is crap and no matter how much you feel like you are changing the world with your creativity it is just crap.

Get over yourself and try to be a partner in life.

[JohnnyReb]

Dear Mo,

You are a ball and chain,an anchor around the neck...your husband is sick of going broke so you can feel like an enlightened "artist".

Your art doen`t sell because it is crap and no matter how much you feel like you are changing the world with your creativity it is just crap.

Get over yourself and try to be a partner in life.

Partner? She brought the vagina and in her mind that's all she was supposed to contribute....and as little as possible of that.

[USA4ME]

mopinko

we have been together for 25 years, ... i just can't stop myself from thinking that if i had stuck to my guns 5 years ago, i would have moved on by now.

And he's probably thinking "If I had killed her on our wedding night, I'd be getting out of prison about now."

.

[DumbAss Tanker]

After a lifetime of reading between the lines to decipher the direction of likely truth from piles of self-serving bullshit, I have to say it sounds a lot like he caught her screwing around on him five years ago, and she has a handy rationalization about how it was all his fault she was doing that.

[Evil_Conservative]

So she comes online to complain about her husband and his behavior, but won't talk directly to him about the issues/feelings she has?  Instead, she plans her divorce plan A & B to a bunch of strangers?

I've seen one girl online who was like, "Well, if I divorce my husband, I'll have no money.  But I'd like to believe we are generally happy, but I do know that divorce is a possibility."

It makes no sense.

And I love this part:

i wish du'ers could do something about my dream. part of the fuel for this particular fire is that we have been trying to buy a little place in galena, il, so that i could put a clay studio out there, and get some more undivided time to work. but it is all a money pit. hell, i blew $1k this summer doing art fairs where i sold pretty much zip. i have yet to sell anything but little trinkets.

My husband won't buy me a place to do my paint-by-numbers, will one of you buy it for me?

My gosh.

[Duchess]

It also sounds like he is supposed to work to subside her "dreams". She has his life all mapped out for him. He works till he drops dead while she throws away money pretending to be an "artist" even though nobody wants her "art". Selfish heifer. She's a stay at home wife, and he still has to cook dinner?! I'm a stay at home wife, and that's the least I can do!

[Evil_Conservative]

It also sounds like he is supposed to work to subside her "dreams". She has his life all mapped out for him. He works till he drops dead while she throws away money pretending to be an "artist" even though nobody wants her "art". Selfish heifer. She's a stay at home wife, and he still has to cook dinner?! I'm a stay at home wife, and that's the least I can do!

But coloring in the lines takes up way the whole day.

[Carl]

But coloring in the lines takes up way the whole day.

I don`t care who you are...that was funny right there.   

[BlueStateSaint]

She's a stay at home wife, and he still has to cook dinner?! I'm a stay at home wife, and that's the least I can do!

Yeah, but she probably burns water, her cooking is so bad . . .

[true_blood]

She has a lover that won't leave his wife....I pity him....the lover that is....he's got to be desperate to be tapping dat.
As for her old man, He should trade her in for 2 ditzy 20 year olds and die with a smile on his face.....he deserves it.

HA HA!! No kidding.
Damn, why is that poor man staying around that crazy bitch?!

[franksolich]

Damn, why is that poor man staying around that crazy bitch?!

The hypochondrial primitive is rather interesting; I'm thinking about nominating her for the Top 10 DUmmies [Primitives] of 2010.

She's a medical legend.

Some years ago, during the George Bush Great Depression when no one had a job and no money, the hypochondrial primitive decided she wanted a new front door put on her house.

From the photographs, the old front door looked just fine and dandy; high class stuff.

But no, the hypochondrial primitive wanted a new one.

She must have gone cheap, because she complained about the new door.  And she complained even more that it was "poorly" installed.  The hypochondrial primitive wanted Old World Craftsmanship at illegal-alien-under-the-table wages, and man, did she bitch when she got.....exactly what she paid for.

The hypochondrial primitive in Illinois reminds one very much of the vindictive primitive up over in New England; always very careful to cheat the other guy before the other guy has a chance to cheat her.

I dunno how the primitives can sleep at night, being that way.

[chitownchica]

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Sun Sep-19-10 10:29 AM
THE HYPOCHONDRIAL PRIMITIVE
Response to Original message

16. well, he is off to california for a week. some breathing room.

off to a geeky conference. hopefully he will hit on some consulting work.

does consulting work = prostitute?

[diesel driver]

After a lifetime of reading between the lines to decipher the direction of likely truth from piles of self-serving bullshit, I have to say it sounds a lot like he caught her screwing around on him five years ago, and she has a handy rationalization about how it was all his fault she was doing that.

Now THAT sounds like MY ex!    

[diesel driver]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=301x797

In theory, the primitive who's about a generation older than franksolich thought she was, is an attorney.

When she divorced her husband, also allegedly an attorney, he gave her a bunch of real-estate papers to sign.

The primitive signed them without reading them.

Now, how attorney-like is that?

Sounds like the present crop of Dim House members. 

"You have to pass the bill to see what's in it."

[NHSparky]

So she comes online to complain about her husband and his behavior, but won't talk directly to him about the issues/feelings she has?  Instead, she plans her divorce plan A & B to a bunch of strangers?

I've seen one girl online who was like, "Well, if I divorce my husband, I'll have no money.  But I'd like to believe we are generally happy, but I do know that divorce is a possibility."

It makes no sense.

And I love this part:

My husband won't buy me a place to do my paint-by-numbers, will one of you buy it for me?

My gosh.

I heard San Fran Nan is selling her shit so people can be musicians, artists, etc., and not have to worry about getting, you know, JOBS to pay for the shit they want and need....

[diesel driver]

Dear Mo,

You are a ball and chain,an anchor around the neck...your husband is sick of going broke so you can feel like an enlightened "artist".

Your art doen`t sell because it is crap and no matter how much you feel like you are changing the world with your creativity it is just crap.

Get over yourself and try to be a partner in life.

The movie "Beetlejuice" had a character, Delia Deetz, played by Catherine O'Hara, who was an "aspiring" sculptor.

Dick Cavett played an art critic/dealer character, who told Delia;  "You are a flake.  You have always been a flake.

If you must insist on scaring people, do it with your sculpture."

DUmmie mopinko reminds me of Delia.  

[crockspot]

Dear Mo,

You are a ball and chain,an anchor around the neck...your husband is sick of going broke so you can feel like an enlightened "artist".

Your art doen`t sell because it is crap and no matter how much you feel like you are changing the world with your creativity it is just crap.

Get over yourself and try to be a partner in life.

As Mayor Mumbles Menino would say, "An albacore around his neck".

[delilahmused]

If she's willing to stay with him "for her art" (i.e. meal ticket) it can't be that bad, especially when you consider he was willing to buy a house so she could have a room for her pottery. Well, I suppose there's that whole "suffering for your art thing".

Cindie

[true_blood]

The hypochondrial primitive is rather interesting; I'm thinking about nominating her for the Top 10 DUmmies [Primitives] of 2010.

She's a medical legend.

Some years ago, during the George Bush Great Depression when no one had a job and no money, the hypochondrial primitive decided she wanted a new front door put on her house.

From the photographs, the old front door looked just fine and dandy; high class stuff.

But no, the hypochondrial primitive wanted a new one.

She must have gone cheap, because she complained about the new door.  And she complained even more that it was "poorly" installed.  The hypochondrial primitive wanted Old World Craftsmanship at illegal-alien-under-the-table wages, and man, did she bitch when she got.....exactly what she paid for.

The hypochondrial primitive in Illinois reminds one very much of the vindictive primitive up over in New England; always very careful to cheat the other guy before the other guy has a chance to cheat her.

I dunno how the primitives can sleep at night, being that way.

HA HA! Sounds like she's got some serious potential to in the "Top 10".