I've been to the doctor four times in my life.
First, when I was born. I'll count it on a technicality.
Second, I got tularemia (AKA, Rabbit Fever- I share my hate of the rabbit with Ptarmigan). I was in the hospital for 8 days, and had a fever of 108 degrees. After they released me, I got shots in the ass, twice a day, for a month. My ass was so red and full of holes that the nurses made the doctor stick me, because they didn't have the guts. The nurses were amazed, as I never cried, not even once. I was five.
Thirdly, I got a case of acute torticollis (wry neck) for about a month when I was 15. I was scared to death that it would never go away, and I'd end up in a church belfry, lurching around, screaming, and moaning on about the noise from the bells.
The last time happened when I went out to the conservation area that we planned to have our wedding at exactly one week later, to do a little cleaning up. I packed up the lawn mower in the back of my Toronado, and went out to dust for bugs and mow. Stupidly, I had removed the knee bolster under the steering wheel to do some electrical work. The only thing behind the knee bolster is a piece of pressed sheet metal, with a lip that faces the driver, to make room for the steering column. I was in a hurry to get out of the car, and I exited the car a little too fast, and ran the fatty part right above the knee across that sheet metal lip. It didn't hurt at first, but it felt like someone had just poured a bunch of warm water down my leg. I looked down, and I could see all the layers of meat going all the way to my knee. Luckily, the future spousal unit was with, and able to drive me the 20 miles back into town to hit up the E.R.
There, you see, DUmmie, are reasons one goes to the hospital, not any of this piddly "my neck hurts" bullshit. Unless of course your neck has caused your head to get stuck to one side.
On second thought, don't go to the doctor for that, either. Church will do your lot some good.
