The great Goddess of Irony shone down upon this undeserving soul:
Joke: The Difference Between Liberals, Conservatives and Texan
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x385142
The Great Goddess of Progressive Stupidity had this to say, in her "revised" version:
jmowreader (1000+ posts) Sun Nov-09-03 08:27 PM
Response to Original message
24. The joke, corrected
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
The liberal way:
The liberal shoots the guy, takes him to the hospital, then works for universal health care so the guy can get fixed up without having to sell everything he owns including about fifty gallons of his blood. The liberal then works to fix the horrid judge shortage so the guy gets convicted and jailed before he dies.
The conservative way:
The conservative shoots the guy, shoves him in the gutter and leaves him to die. When the conservative gets home, there are six police cars in front of his house. He's taken away along with his whole family. He's convicted of second-degree murder and his family of misprision. Six months later, the conservative is shanked in prison and buried alongside the guard dogs.
The Texan way:
The Texan shoots the guy, shoves him in the gutter and leaves him to die. Unfortunately for the Texan, it's 1998 and a death warrant with our guy's name on it has just landed on the governor's desk. Can you say "pancuronium bromide," boys and girls?
(The corrected version's not funny; then again, neither is the original.)
I am so sorry, but you don't walk around packed if you won't shoot someone with it. Even if you are a liberal.
DUmbass jmowreader liberal way should read:
The liberal shoots the guy, takes him to the hospital, then works for universal health care so the guy can get fixed up without having to sell everything he owns including about fifty gallons of his blood.
The liberal then works to fix the horrid judge shortage so the guy gets convicted and jailed before he dies. The guy hires a liberal lawyer who sues liberal shooter for shooting guy in the first place, soaking liberal shooter for every dime he has and ever will have. Liberal dies broke and penniless wondering why he took guy to hospital, rather than emptying the clip.
Of course, all of this is pure bullshit. Liberals don't carry guns.
