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Author Topic: Christmas at Grandma's  (Read 8487 times)

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Offline franksolich

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #25 on: December 24, 2009, 09:39:48 AM »
The family crowded around the table, eyeing Grandma hungrily as she chopped the chickens, the brother-in-law with the bug-eye lifting Grandma's skirt to see what was underneath.

Mom started to drunkenly sing, "Away in a manger, Joseph the pimp and Mary the whore....."

"Shut up, Mom," Wild Bill said; "remember, we don't do Christmas."

"Aw, but I'm just trying to make her feel good," Mom replied.

The brother-in-law with a tongue too large for his mouth finally sputtered forth; "It's cold in here."

Grandma hesitated.  She could of course turn on the propane-gas stove to heaten things up, but Wild Bill, preferring the simple life, was against modern amenities.

But surprisingly, Wild Bill said, "Turn on the stove, woman."

Grandma gingerly turned the valve a little bit, but only dead air hissed out.

"Don't you know how to do anything, woman?" Wild Bill yelled; "the only damned thing you know how to do is Christmas, and we don't do Christmas."

Wild Bill grabbed the valve and twisted it wide open, lighting a match.

< < < < <

Okay, that's it, the end of the story.  I suspect I should enroll in some sort of creative writing class.
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Offline Karin

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #26 on: December 24, 2009, 09:56:40 AM »
Great story, Frank!  But, couldn't you have sent Grandma out to the compost heap with an armful of chicken feathers, heads and beaks first? 
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Offline Chris

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #27 on: December 24, 2009, 10:01:36 AM »
Quote from: franksolich on December 23, 2009, 08:40:28 AM
Grandma sat on the chopping block plucking and peeling the chickens, thinking about her in-laws, Wild Bill's family, who ate everything placed in front of them including the bones and gristle, and who would chew the ceiling if they could latch their teeth onto it somehow.
that's good :lmao:

And an exploding gas stove at the end!  Bravo!
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Offline franksolich

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #28 on: December 24, 2009, 10:18:17 AM »
Quote from: Karin on December 24, 2009, 09:56:40 AM
Great story, Frank!  But, couldn't you have sent Grandma out to the compost heap with an armful of chicken feathers, heads and beaks first?

Ever since I first started reading the hippywife primitive, "Grandma" in this story, I've always sensed some sort of tragedy, that of a suppressed wife.

I dunno why Grandma ended up this way.  She was perhaps possibly maybe desperate for a man, and I've always had problems in real life with women who too strongly and defensively subjugate themselves to man as if they aren't "complete" or "whole" on their own as a woman.

I dunno.  Maybe my own parents set a bad example.

But surely Grandma could've done better.
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Milo Yiannopoulos "It has been obvious since 2016 that Trump carries an anointing of some kind. My American friends, are you so blind to reason, and deaf to Heaven? Can he do all this, and cannot get a crown? This man is your King. Coronate him, and watch every devil shriek, and every demon howl."

Offline Tucker

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #29 on: December 24, 2009, 11:36:55 AM »
Quote from: franksolich on December 24, 2009, 10:18:17 AM
Ever since I first started reading the hippywife primitive, "Grandma" in this story, I've always sensed some sort of tragedy, that of a suppressed wife.

I dunno why Grandma ended up this way.  She was perhaps possibly maybe desperate for a man, and I've always had problems in real life with women who too strongly and defensively subjugate themselves to man as if they aren't "complete" or "whole" on their own as a woman.

I dunno.  Maybe my own parents set a bad example.

But surely Grandma could've done better.

It's all the adversity that has made her what she is. Without it, she would be just another DUmmy wanna be striving for the top.
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Offline The Village Idiot

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #30 on: December 24, 2009, 11:43:50 AM »
Quote from: Tucker13 on December 24, 2009, 11:36:55 AM
It's all the adversity that has made her what she is. Without it, she would be just another DUmmy wanna be striving for the top.

The top? In their view I guess.
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Offline Tucker

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #31 on: December 24, 2009, 01:11:49 PM »
Quote from: FGL on December 24, 2009, 11:43:50 AM
The top? In their view I guess.

The top DUmmy. Actually, the top DUmmy is the bottom of the DUmp to normal people. Maybe our award should be to reconize the winner as the celler dweller winner/loser.
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Offline ReaganForRushmore

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #32 on: December 24, 2009, 04:29:46 PM »
Grandma better watch Wild Bill, he may run over her with "reindeer"...........sorry, I just had to :evillaugh:

Merry Christmas all!
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Offline franksolich

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #33 on: December 25, 2009, 07:02:43 AM »
Anybody know if there were any propane tank explosions in the news down in northeastern Oklahoma during the night?
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Milo Yiannopoulos "It has been obvious since 2016 that Trump carries an anointing of some kind. My American friends, are you so blind to reason, and deaf to Heaven? Can he do all this, and cannot get a crown? This man is your King. Coronate him, and watch every devil shriek, and every demon howl."

Offline AllosaursRus

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #34 on: December 25, 2009, 01:24:27 PM »
Quote from: franksolich on December 25, 2009, 07:02:43 AM
Anybody know if there were any propane tank explosions in the news down in northeastern Oklahoma during the night?

This story immediately made me envision the backwoods folk in the movie "Deliverance"!

I have no idea why, snicker! Good read Coach!

T'was the night before Christmas and all thru the cabin..........

Wild Bill was heard screamin'.......

Christmas you're......... not........ havin'!!!!!!
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Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2010, 03:49:48 PM »
Some biographical info from the misspelled DUmmy hippywife.
Quote
hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Sun Jan-10-10 03:08 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. We do get ice but not very often.
It's usually pretty mild here during the winter more years than not. It;s when you combine the high winds that are common here that it can be really cold. When I lived in Columbus, we didn't get as much snow and bitter cold weather as the lake areas north or the river valley south.

I moved here when I met a man on the internet and married him. It was my decision where we would live. He had 8 acres of land and had built a cute little house, which we've almost gotten finished. His parents were much older than mine, and his dad has since passed away. Those were all my considerations. I love him very much and it was worth it for that alone. I was pretty apolitical at the time, and I had no idea how right-wing this place could be and has gotten since Bush was elected.

I didn't realize how fundamentally Christian it was, either. I was a liberal Christian when I moved here but now am agnostic/athiest.

Sometimes I wish I could pick up our whole property and move it somewhere else. LOL 

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9205716
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Offline franksolich

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2010, 03:58:31 PM »
Quote from: GOBUCKS on January 10, 2010, 03:49:48 PM
Some biographical info from the misspelled DUmmy hippywife.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9205716

My plaintive question, once again: how come "atheists" can never spell the word right?

I think Mrs. Alfred Packer's fooling herself.
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Milo Yiannopoulos "It has been obvious since 2016 that Trump carries an anointing of some kind. My American friends, are you so blind to reason, and deaf to Heaven? Can he do all this, and cannot get a crown? This man is your King. Coronate him, and watch every devil shriek, and every demon howl."

Offline kenth

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #37 on: January 10, 2010, 04:01:12 PM »
Quote
I didn't realize how fundamentally Christian it was, either. I was a liberal Christian when I moved here but now am agnostic/athiest.

In other words, she was always an atheist/agnostic.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #38 on: January 10, 2010, 04:52:12 PM »
Somebody should tell her life doesn't have to be so hard.

I don't know anyone that lives the way she and her husband do.

Little House on the Prairie.   :rotf:
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Offline Tucker

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #39 on: January 10, 2010, 05:04:12 PM »
Quote from: GOBUCKS on January 10, 2010, 03:49:48 PM
Some biographical info from the misspelled DUmmy hippywife.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9205716

Quote
He had 8 acres of land and had built a cute little house, which we've almost gotten finished. His parents were much older than mine, and his dad has since passed away. Those were all my considerations.

She sounds like a gold digger.
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Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #40 on: January 10, 2010, 06:28:37 PM »
Quote from: Tucker on January 10, 2010, 05:04:12 PM
She sounds like a gold digger.
You need the DUmp's stupid little sarcasm thingy. When she was bragging about the lobster that someone gave her, she showed the table setting,
and they were eating on a card table in the kitchen. She's panning for gold in a compost heap.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Christmas at Grandma's
« Reply #41 on: January 10, 2010, 11:17:47 PM »
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If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.
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