New York, NY (MSBN) - Leading climatological phrenologist Dr. Grant Seeker has offered a bold and daring viewpoint on global climate change.
"The big problem here," the doctor explains; "is that we have two bodies of work competing against each other adn as neither faction can prevail no true consensus can be reached. I think I have that consensus."
The first faction, the doctor notes, are the traditional body of climatologists who presume global to be man-made. Against them are arrayed a sizeable number of skeptics asserting that global warming is cyclical.
"I think we need to realize that both camps are speaking truth to power. There is a middle ground, " says Dr. Seeker.
Noting that the warming cycles are but brief periods in the overall geological lifespan of our world the doctor likens them to hot flashes. Tied into this fact is the general observation that weather has become more tempestuous in recent years. Furthermore, no new life seems to have emerged on earth since mankind has emerged. In short, mother earth has ceased child bearing.
"Let's face facts. Gaia is going menopausal. What are greenhouse gasses except atmospheric water retention?"
But what to do about it?
"I don't think carbon credits or higher fuel efficiency standards are the way to go. I'm proposing that with the banning of CFC's and other ozone depleting chemicals they should be replaced with estrogen. We need a strict global hormonal therapy regimen."
