Author Topic: The Blue-Gray Haze of the CC Night Lounge (Read 6201 times)

Lord Undies · « **on:** February 04, 2009, 12:42:42 AM »

Pour a cranberry cocktail laced with ginger ale and lean your head back. Imagine everyone you ever wanted is touching your clothed body. Put on some Barry White on the repeat, turn the volume down and the bass up and smell the White Shoulders and the imitation musk oil from the dollar store.

The night life around Conservative Cave is pathetic. Hell's bells, you ingots of Posting Gold. At least leave yourselves logged-in while you nappy in your footies.

The current census is less than I had the last time I fell in the bathroom.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #1 on:** February 04, 2009, 12:48:56 AM »

Just as I thought. You people suck nostrils.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #2 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:00:42 AM »

Let's see if we can stir up some controversy. Y'all do realize WE is a closet homosapien who has had all kinds of wanton sex with his own kind (mainly himself)?

Lord Undies · « **Reply #3 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:02:41 AM »

Ok. How about WE once bruised his "manhood" at a Tupperware Party?? Huh? Huh?

Lord Undies · « **Reply #4 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:06:33 AM »

OK, little known fact: The character of Dewey in "Malcom In The Middle" was based on WE's childhood.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #5 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:10:10 AM »

Did y'all know that if you clip your toenails after midnight while assigning "she loves me, she loves me knot", it will turn out she doesn't love your ass at all?

Lord Undies · « **Reply #6 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:13:34 AM »

Helpful hint: Bacon will not shrivel if you talk to it while it fries. This concept does not apply to your wife's aging face.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #7 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:15:37 AM »

Loose bowels sinks sinks, if you are adventurous.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #8 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:21:06 AM »

Schooling in the USA: Ignorance is a lack of exposure to facts. Stupidity is the acceptance of the lack of exposure.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #9 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:22:02 AM »

I have more hair under my left arm than my right. Could it be friction?

Lord Undies · « **Reply #10 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:23:12 AM »

WE still sucks Dixie straws.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #11 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:27:05 AM »

Remember car radio antenna that use to go up and down with a motor's engagement? Why was that a good idea?

Lord Undies · « **Reply #12 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:28:35 AM »

I bought a sanding sponge at a craft store. It works great on my heels.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #13 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:32:01 AM »

Every year after I was old enough to remember, my Dad's mother sent me a birthday card with one dollar inside. My birthday is in the middle of June. It was better than Christmas. Just waiting for that Postman who carried my fortune....wow.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #14 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:37:35 AM »

I was never a fan of pickles. Oh, they have their purpose for sure, but I could never muster the enthusiasm for pickles the other kids had. Except for Bread & Butter Pickle slices. I could suck those down by the ton. That's probably why my bottom weighed a ton.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #15 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:39:20 AM »

I never understood the Harry Potter craze. The only Harry Potter I ever really understood was the time I walked in on my Uncle Junior on the toilet.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #16 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:42:53 AM »

Then there was the time I felt up a girl in a dark stairway. I promised then and there to never again have Greek columns in my home.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #17 on:** February 04, 2009, 01:54:19 AM »

My brother, who is thirteen years older than me, once asked me if I had a favorite song. I told him that I have many favorite songs, and that some of those songs are my best friends. He pondered that.

My brother, being a Korean War vet, somehow knew what I meant. Our lives had been so very different, but he knew while he was away, the music kept him alive. It brought us together for a short time.

I haven't seen my brother for almost 25 years. That's his choice.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #18 on:** February 04, 2009, 02:02:57 AM »

I'm on diabetes watch, like I have been since I was 12. Did you know they want my waist to be smaller than my ankles?

Lord Undies · « **Reply #19 on:** February 04, 2009, 02:12:45 AM »

My first real girlfriend was a Chinese girl named Penny. We were in the first grade in Houston. I was five and she was six. Penny was the coin of my realm.

I remember going to a store with my mom and finding a shirt with Lincoln head pennies printed all over it. I cried for that shirt. Mother bought it.

I wore it almost everyday.

I hated Mrs. Scott. She was our teacher. The old bag of red hair should have retired nine years before we became her victims. I console myself knowing she is ancient grave wax today. The woman was horrible. I didn't stick her in Houston, for crying out loud.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #20 on:** February 04, 2009, 02:14:10 AM »

Did any of you boys with older sisters ever actually put on their panties? Me either.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #21 on:** February 04, 2009, 02:20:49 AM »

I've done all I can do here. WE is probably drooling on the "1". "@", and the "QWESC" about now, totaly unaware his underwear is on fire from the candle he left burning on the floor.

He will talk about his rash tomorrow.

Goodnight, suite prints.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #22 on:** February 04, 2009, 02:54:17 AM »

I've come back to say, ya'know, I like being me. I have always liked being me. I've had plenty of enemies throughout my life who didn't want me to enjoy being me, but they didn't win.

I am a happy person full of love and joy. I seek out the best in everyone. I have my love for The Lord to thank for that, and the fact The Lord always knew I was a joyous soul. He has always looked after me.

My darkest roads have always been short and bright with Light at the end.

I cannot tell you how much I have enjoyed, and still enjoy, not being a miserable human being.

I've enjoyed my relationship with Our Lord, my family, then and now, every friend, my talents (which make me unique), and all the gifts my life has received. I have been a blessed guy since the day I slide out the Mama Tube.

There! I feel better for saying it out loud. Thank you, Lord, for making me me. Thank You for my wonder-filled life.

Lord Undies · « **Reply #23 on:** February 04, 2009, 02:58:52 AM »

One of my favorite treats is to crumble some saltine craker in a bowl, cut up a few tidbits of red onion, and slather it with fresh Thousand Island dressing. Don't forget the cracked pepper!

Lord Undies · « **Reply #24 on:** February 04, 2009, 03:07:46 AM »

Twenty years ago, I had to have surgery on The Family Jewels. There was the dark spot which came upon the jewels some thought may be cancerous.

Before being put into controlled death, the surgeon told me he would take what he had to take to save my life.

Guess where my hands were in the recovery room.

Nothing like anticipating cherry tomatotes in the salad and finding out you're not the last one at the buffet after all.

News:

Author Topic: The Blue-Gray Haze of the CC Night Lounge (Read 6201 times)