Dr_eldritch and a new bouncy: This is why we come to DU...

[Ralph Wiggum]

Dr_eldritch (1000+ posts)
Thu Dec-04-08 12:39 AM
Original message
This is why we come to DU...
   

Well, one of the many reasons... at least.


So I have a hankering for a late night beer (Bad Doc!), and I go to the corner gas station/Kwik-E-mart. I walk in, and there's a new face there. I say, "So this is the guy that replaced the jack-off?" (Yeah, they know me by now, and the jack-off was a rude little prick).

The regular guy, we'll call him 'Chuck', said, "Yeah, and not a moment too soon... I was gonna kick his ass".

And I believed him. I wanted to kick his ass too.

But I digress.

The new face was a young guy, we'll say 'Jim'. I started to lay into Chuck. I messed with him over how skinny he was and whether he could really 'kick ass' (It's a silly guy thing) and we even wound up outside so I could show him a little Judo. Turns out, the kid was fluid as all get-out and managed to escape being properly planted for di ashi-rai a few times, but I showed him the basics, and even showed him how to throw me in a modified o soto gari. Suffice it to say... he's hooked now. (Trust me, this stuff is WAY fun!)

Jim was watching, so I asked him what training he had.

He said he'd had some training in the army.

Ok, I'm interested.

I ask him about where he trained.

'Baghdad'

"With who?"

"An army master sargeant, a marine sniper, and a pathfinder."

I'd never heard of a 'pathfinder' before, but I assumed it was basically a ranger. He'd also said that the only sargeant he'd ever feared was a 5'3" woman who nearly beat him into the infirmary.

So we talked for a while about training. It's one of the reasons I'm glad I went through some of the stuff that I did... everyone who's ever gone through extreme hand to hand training can bond very quickly with anyone else who has. But what made things special is the fact that I come to DU.

After a whole lot of establishing brotherhood, after finding out that Jim was going to be a door gunner for his third tour (behind a mounted .50 cal in a Blackhawk), Jim said there was "only one thing he was afraid of"...

"Barack Obama as President"

"Really?", I said, "Why is that?"

"Because he wants to cut troop pay by 50%"

Oh... I shit you all not... this boy actually believed this.

I said, "Really... and where did you hear that?"

"Oh, from different places."

I took a deep breath. Chuck, who already knew that I was an awfully informed person, said "Ok, you're about to learn something." to Jim.

I said; "Look, there are a lot of people who want you to hate Obama... and I can't tell you, one way or the other, whether he's good news or bad yet." (yes, if you're smart, you'll go soft on the delivery) "but let me ask you; will any President be able to get away with something like that?"

"Hmmm... I doubt it."

"Well, you're right. Now here's the thing... I, a Republican, have always liked John McCain. He was my guy in 2000, and I didn't like Chimpy. What I've learned in the last few years might surprise you. Do you know..."

"Alright..."

{The following is distilled, but damned accurate...}

"Do you know what the Iraq Afghanistan Veterans for America rated the two candidates for their positions on legislation to help veterans, like you, this past year?"

"No."

"One of the candidates, who voted with the group that represents soldiers, represents you, got an 'A'. The other, who voted against the interests of veterans like yourself, got a 'D'.
I can tell by the look on your face that you already know what I'm about to tell you."

"I think so."

"Yep... even though I still think McCain is a hero, and he's a good guy who would have made an excellent President, he voted against veterans pay and benefits more than Obama did. That's a fact, and I encourage you to look it up for yourself.

"Hmmm..."

(What's funny is that he's playing with a pair of shears while I'm telling him this. I passed those sorts of tests long ago.)

"So", I say, "you were supposed to get a 3% increase in pay this last year... guess who dropped it down to 1.5%?"

"Well, we got 1.8%"

"You were supposed to get 3%"

"Yep... that's right."

"I think you already know what I'm about to say."

"Hmm.", he nodded.


After that, I went back to his service, where he'd been and asked him questions again. I found that he'd been a first volunteer at ground zero, that his family told him he couldn't be a soldier... but his grandfather told him otherwise. I'd found that he didn't learn until his grandfather's funeral that his grandfather was a veteran of Korea and Vietnam. I told him that he had great honor, and after shooting the shit for a little bit about 'the powers that be', and after he 'fessed to being suspicious of the Powers that Be, I told him his grandfather would be proud... "I think he would be.", he said. I shook his hand, thanked him for his service, and said; "I'm certain that he is."


I would not know enough If I did not come here.

After I shook his hand and got in my car, I realized, That is why I come to DU.

 

[Texacon]

It is so intelligent!  I'm sure if it could but speak to the whole world we would all be converted.   

KC

[USA4ME]

Yep, now I'm conviced he's trying to out-TiT TiT.

.

[LC EFA]

The new face was a young guy, we'll say 'Jim'. I started to lay into Chuck. I messed with him over how skinny he was and whether he could really 'kick ass' (It's a silly guy thing) and we even wound up outside so I could show him a little Judo. Turns out, the kid was fluid as all get-out and managed to escape being properly planted for di ashi-rai a few times, but I showed him the basics, and even showed him how to throw me in a modified o soto gari. Suffice it to say... he's hooked now. (Trust me, this stuff is WAY fun!)

[snip]

So we talked for a while about training. It's one of the reasons I'm glad I went through some of the stuff that I did... everyone who's ever gone through extreme hand to hand training can bond very quickly with anyone else who has. But what made things special is the fact that I come to DU.

After a whole lot of establishing brotherhood, after finding out that Jim was going to be a door gunner for his third tour (behind a mounted .50 cal in a Blackhawk), Jim said there was "only one thing he was afraid of"...

WTH... Is this guy trying out for the TiT Award for Bullshitting ?

If you took them at their word, the DU is crammed full of ninja assassins.

What's the bet that the closest "Dr_eldritch" has ever come to a fist fight was when he got his ass handed to him trying to steal candy from a baby.

[BlueStateSaint]

If you took them at their word, the DU is crammed full of ninja assassins.

Are they related to ninja lawyers?

[DumbAss Tanker]

Forgive me if I have that tiresomely self-promoting balderdash garbled, but he's saying the "kid" was old enough to be one of the first volunteers at ground zero (7 years ago) and he's going to be a door gunner in a Blackhawk for a third tour in Iraq, but for some indecipherable reason is working in a high-schooler's shit job at the moment???  WTF, over?  Or perhaps he ran into TiT's long-lost love child and the two of them fed each other's fake stories in some kind of Gawd-awful harmonic resonance...

[dutch508]

Forgive me if I have that tiresomely self-promoting balderdash garbled, but he's saying the "kid" was old enough to be one of the first volunteers at ground zero (7 years ago) and he's going to be a door gunner in a Blackhawk for a third tour in Iraq, but for some indecipherable reason is working in a high-schooler's shit job at the moment???  WTF, over?  Or perhaps he ran into TiT's long-lost love child and the two of them fed each other's fake stories in some kind of Gawd-awful harmonic resonance...

How many M2s have you seen mounted on Blackhawks?

Doesn't know what a Pathfinder is?

[asdf2231]

How many M2s have you seen mounted on Blackhawks?

Doesn't know what a Pathfinder is?

Miniguns or M60-D's, right?

I know they sometimes fly the Shithooks with a .50 mounted on the back ramp...

Sigh.

This gets 0 Bongs. A good bouncy is at least half factual.

[Chris_]

Miniguns or M60-D's, right?

I know they sometimes fly the Shithooks with a .50 mounted on the back ramp...

Sigh.

This gets 0 Bongs. A good bouncy is at least half factual.

Well, he probably was at the Quik-E-Mart, and there probably was a new guy there, we'll call him "Jim".

That's got to be worth at least 0.068 bongs.

[Miss Mia]

I chat with the two guys that run the gas station near my house. I ask how they're doing, if they had a good holiday, how's business, etc.  I told Ali that I got all As in my first term.  He knows that every time we had a receptionist flake out on Saturday duty, I was the one that got called and went into work (he says I'm too reliable).  I know about their kids and families (Ali just had the entire interior of his house painted and his grandbaby wants a Beetle like mine). 

This is just all general chit chat to me. 

Never once have we talked about politics.

[Chris_]

I chat with the two guys that run the gas station near my house. I ask how they're doing, if they had a good holiday, how's business, etc.  I told Ali that I got all As in my first term.  He knows that every time we had a receptionist flake out on Saturday duty, I was the one that got called and went into work (he says I'm too reliable).  I know about their kids and families (Ali just had the entire interior of his house painted and his grandbaby wants a Beetle like mine). 

This is just all general chit chat to me. 

Never once have we talked about politics.

Yeah but how many times have you impressed 'em with your Judo throwing prowess out in the parking lot?

[asdf2231]

December 4, 08.

Dear Diary.

I was down at the Kwik-Trip buying a six pack and some smokes and when I came out these two greasy assclowns were giggling and pawing each other in the parking lot looking a lot like Bruce Lee at a Gay Pride parade.  I mean it stopped me in my tracks because I haven't seen homo-eroticism like this since they ran Top Gun at that movie night at Camp Anaconda.

The fatter one notices me and says "Wanna learn some judo, Hunky?"

I ignored him and walked over to my truck and they tagged behind.  When he noticed my "My other car is a Pave Low" and the "McCain 08" sticker over the "Proud Member Of The U.S. Army" sticker he went ****ing batshit.

He started ranting about Gitmo and Rendition and promised me that Obama was going to put me out of my ****ing knuckle dragging job and that I would have to go back to work at Hardees and live in my mommy's basement. Since I have an Associates and a Bachelor's I am pretty sure I could do better than that so I just laughed at him and told him to go **** himself. He kinda puffed up his chest and said "I know JUDO you mother****ing baby killer! You wanna go?!? I'll kick your fundie ass!" He ran at me and struck some kinda half ass pose and I see out of the corner of my eye the store clerk has come out with the phone in his hand, watching intently.

I looked over at him and said "Call 911 and tell them to send an ambulance for a gunshot victim" and pulled down on the stupid bastard with my XP.  He looked down that .40 caliber muzzle and it was like someone threw white paint on his face. Doughy **** pisses his pants and started crying and his friend takes off running screaming like a four year old girl and waving his hands in the air. I proned him out and re-holstered then stood on his back till the cops showed. He kept twitching and crying and finally shit himself when I told him to stay still or I would put one through the back of his head.

Two other people witnessed it and hung to give statements backing me up when I told them the stupid bastard told me he knew judo and was going to kick my ass. They also passed on his other comments and the cop got this funny grin and told me he was over in the sandbox in '05 and said "So you were afraid for your life... Right?" We shared a laugh over that but I agreed that Yeah, he scared me pretty bad, lol! 

Judo Boy got hooked up for disorderly conduct and as many "Attempteds" as the guy could squeeze on the form and he let me go on my merry after they checked my carry permit out. As an added bonus the stupid jerk had let his plates expire and they towed his POS sticker covered Honda afterwards.

Pretty good night.

Sgt. James Halprin

[Chris_]

Me thinks ASDF really wants that Post of the Year award.

Hi5 by the way.  Again.

[mamacags]

Maybe the good Dr. is TIT's new after 1/21 DU name.

Oh and H5 yet again ASDF!

[AllosaursRus]

Yeah but how many times have you impressed 'em with your Judo throwing prowess out in the parking lot?

Heh, heh!!! I have a friend who owns a shell station/convenience store. Every once in a while she needs a moron to cover when the locals don't show up for work, so I oblige. 

There is no way in hell this dipshit would walk into her store and talk the help down, even if they were total a-holes! SHE would kick his ass herself, and I would hold him down so she could!

This one isn't even a bouncy, more like a total flat out LIE! 

[AllosaursRus]

Good  job Bubba!!!!!

[djones520]

I once taught knife fighting and take down tactics to a bunch of Marines.  There was no bonding at all.  Then again...  they where probably to ashamed because I was 13 at the time.   

Yeah, sounds like a bouncy, but true story I swear.

[BlueStateSaint]

asdf, your story is a lot more believable . . . H5!

[TheSarge]

Yep, now I'm conviced he's trying to out-TiT TiT.

.

Or maybe this is the new TiT screen name.


Pathfinder = Ranger?   This idiots knowledge about the military wouldn't fill half a thimble.

[DumbAss Tanker]

How many M2s have you seen mounted on Blackhawks?

Doesn't know what a Pathfinder is?

Zero, but I put that one in the "Maybe not absolutely impossible" category.

[jukin]

After reading that fable, the doc must be a 95 pound, PS# addicted, livin in the basement dwelling nerd.


BTW doc, look at what clinton accomplished to the military.

[TheSarge]

Zero, but I put that one in the "Maybe not absolutely impossible" category.

They wouldn't fit in the window mounts on either side.  You'd have to fire them from the troop compartment.

Those side windows are barely big enough for the M-60's that mount in there.

[ScubaGuy]

Gilligan  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Thu Dec-04-08 06:20 PM
Response to Original message
35. !
   
Most excellent post/

You need to sit right down and write yourself a book.

foo_bar  (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author  Click to view this author's profile  Click to add this author to your buddy list  Click to add this author to your Ignore list      Thu Dec-04-08 09:22 PM
Response to Reply #35
46. just so long as it's a work of fiction
   
When I'm talking to a Bush-bot I have great success getting through to them after I say I'm a Republican.
At the moment they hear that (usually I mention it before they know my positions) they believe that I am in agreement with their own political philosophy and treat me as comrade and confidant. The result is immediate and profound in most cases. THIS is how important labels and classification are to so many... especially Bush-bots. Once presented with a label they can accept, they make you a part of their 'reality' immediately.

http://74.125.95.132/search?q=cache:dCR-qq04JYkJ:www.de...

As for why I am still a Republican... it's an explanation I'm going to have to keep in my documents so I can tailor and paste it when necessary.

Here's a response to a PM I got from RandomKoolZip back in '04;

">A very reasonable question,
>
> I remain a Republican for a very good reason- principle.

(ibid., 2006)

I have been on Democratic Underground openly as a Republican for nearly three years. <...>

-Dr. E

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph... (2007) ("Dr. E")

Normally I don't recommend supplements, but Es and Omega3s are good here too.

Since I'm not a MD, always consult one first, but I've yet to have one disagree with that.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph...

In a posting title, "A Message From A Real Republican", thirty-year Republican party member, Dr. Garth Eldritch easily claims the latest "BRAD BLOG Intellectual Honesty Award".

http://www.bradblog.com/?cat=194

In my professional opinion... this bill is a crock of shit.

http://www.democraticunderground.org/discuss/duboard.ph... ("Del. Cosgrove, Va. wants all miscarriage to be reported in 12 hrs.")

Since the ends justify the means ("they make you part of their 'reality' immediately"), I'm inclined to disbelieve the "arrogance and humility" fight club stuff until there's some evidence of humility. I'm guessing the not-a-doctor not-a-democrat is a giant chickenhawk, since he claims to be a "thirty-year Republican party member" (source) but never served in the military, but loves to tell tall tales:

I've never bothered to mention this, but I trained HTH with a guy out of the Rangers. He was recon in 'Nam. <...>

It's hard to describe, it is all at once a state of alertness, relaxation, paranoia, and energy. It settles into you after only a few weeks of training... and then it's permanent.

Until I nearly split a kid's face open for moving in a way I was 'conditioned' to respond to.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.ph... ("'Nam")

 

[DumbAss Tanker]

They wouldn't fit in the window mounts on either side.  You'd have to fire them from the troop compartment.

Those side windows are barely big enough for the M-60's that mount in there.

No doubt, but I was supposing it was remotely possible that there was an MH-60 or two flying around somewhere with one sticking out of the troop compartment, old-school Huey style.

[AllosaursRus]

Why is it we never run into these "hero's" in real life????????

LOL!!!!!!