Royal Crown Cola primitive being bigoted against Missouri

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=283x678

Okay, I'm worn out from reading the primitive rage and Hate against Sarah Palin, so for light relief, I went to the "humor" forum on Skins's island.

There's lots and lots of bonfires there, but one finds it interestingly Freudian that nearly all have "0" replies and none at all are "recommended."

So much for the primitive sense of humor.

RC  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Sun Feb-03-08 08:05 PM
Original message

Things I Have Learned From Living in Missouri ...
   
Or Kansas...

Things I Have Learned From Living in Missouri ...

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Missouri .

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Missouri plus a couple no one's seen before.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

Houses have "Winders" and "Windas", never has a window been seen South of I-70

People actually grow and eat okra.

"Fixinto" is one word.

There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two.

Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you.

"DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.

You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in minutes.

You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You know who/which store has the best deal on cases of Natural Light beer.

"Fix" is a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store.

"All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You know what a "DAWG" is.

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.

There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

The first day of deer season is a national holiday.

100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."

We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."

A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . .. if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Missouri (and those who just wish they were).

EVERYONE can't be from Missouri ; it takes talent.

You might say it's an art form or a gift from God!

[JohnnyReb]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=283x678

Okay, I'm worn out from reading the primitive rage and Hate against Sarah Palin, so for light relief, I went to the "humor" forum on Skins's island.

There's lots and lots of bonfires there, but one finds it interestingly Freudian that nearly all have "0" replies and none at all are "recommended."

So much for the primitive sense of humor.

RC  Donating Member  (1000+ posts) Sun Feb-03-08 08:05 PM
Original message

Things I Have Learned From Living in Missouri ...
   
Or Kansas...

Things I Have Learned From Living in Missouri ...

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

...Imitating DUmmies is their survival mode.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Missouri .

.....and they vote democrat.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Missouri plus a couple no one's seen before.

At least 2 types of spiders are basement dwelling democrats.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

I've never heard a better description of a democrat.

Onced and Twiced are words.

....and democrats can't count as high as thrice.

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

If it's being pushed by a democrat.

Houses have "Winders" and "Windas", never has a window been seen South of I-70

Law abiding conservatives live south of I-70.

People actually grow and eat okra.

Boiled or fried........it's all good.

"Fixinto" is one word.

Like I'm "fixinto" slap some sense into you.

There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper.

You can't do hard, honest work off of a 'lunch'.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two.

If you'd get a job you could afford to drink iced tea too.

Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you.

You trying to hide something........in the closet, maybe?

"DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

One of the many pleasures enjoyed by the working class.

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.

Nice, ain't it.

You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

Work ethic that once made America great.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

...and taters too.

You measure distance in minutes.

If you stay in a basement you measure distances from the basement on paper. If you actually leave the basement and travel, you measure it in time.

You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

More pleasures of the working class.

You know who/which store has the best deal on cases of Natural Light beer.

Being frugal is a virtue unknown to democrats.

"Fix" is a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store.

...and I' m fix'n to slap some sense into you.............again.

"All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

Unlike San Francisco where they parade fruits, vegetables, grain, insects or animals.


You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

So you don't get sued by dumb crooks that stumble in the dark.

You know what a "DAWG" is.

...and don't forget "HAWG"........we're bilingual.

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.

Be Prepared........but then, you weren't in the Boy Scouts, were you?

There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

...and Momma's secret ingredients makes a wonderful BBQ sause.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

...and the Democrat politicians only read the 6 pages.....to see if they're in'em.

The first day of deer season is a national holiday.

.....then there's queer day on the west coast.

100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."

Global warming doesn't scare us............we're used to it.

We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

We're working on having 2 Christmas's.

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."

.....to watch DUmmies steal "buggies".

A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.

Don't forget to add ham and onions.................and to cook some cornbread.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

....and it's so much better than toe-fu.

We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . .. if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

It's wnderful to have a smart mama instead of a feminazi....

If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from ....the SOUTH.... (and those who just wish they were).

EVERYONE can't be from the .....SOUTH.... ; it takes talent.

....and that's why we have blue states......for the less fortunate.



You might say it's an art form or a gift from God!

....and then he made TEXAS.

I Just had to throw in Texas.

[DumbAss Tanker]

Well, I got bored about halfway through it.  Other than the language part, it more or less fits in a rough way, but as far as the colloquialisms go, they are either unknown here or are just generic midwesternisms that aren't unique to Missouri at all.