Author Topic: Life Imitates Art  (Read 321 times)

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Offline BamaMoose

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Life Imitates Art
« on: March 19, 2020, 02:27:29 AM »
Of all the stupid ideas the DUmmies have kicked around to deal with the Kung Flu, this one just cracked me up:

certainot (6,398 posts)

Run while hunkering. Run around the couch and do 1.8 mi in 20 min, with less impact!
Been running around the couch for years. The ‘track’ is about 9-10ft in diameter. Never liked the pounding of outside running and in my neighborhood the dogs could be a problem even if I wanted to.

If people are stuck inside it may be an option. Other objects or no object to run around can work too, maybe in the back yard or driveway.

Not sure about on carpet but on flat hard surfaces socks and Crocs work well for me <Because Crocs are the ultimate jogging footwear.  And socks with Crocs are very stylish.>. They can slip if there’s a build up so I keep the track clean with a quick microfiber mopping and wipe the soles with alcohol once in a while. I also roughed up the bottoms and something like shoe Goop or Lexel caulk <Don't forget to caulk up your shoes.> might increase grip for dedicated running wear.

I just realized something about bringing a virus into the house. Suppose someone coughs just before I step in it. I take my shoes off at the door but put my thongs <Is he talking about flip-flops or women's underwear?> or slippers on to walk out and pee <Walk outside to pee? No indoor plumbing in your hovel?>. Then I settle down on the couch and put my feet up on the chair and maybe I haven’t taken off the slippers or thongs. I get up to get some water and put the laptop on the chair. I pick up the laptop and sit back down and then scratch my nose. And so on.

10ft dia x 3.14 = 31.4 feet per lap.

If you do a lap in 4 seconds that’s 31.4 x 15 = 471 ft/min. 20 min of running is about 9420 ft or about 1.8 miles or about 2.9 killometers.  <That works out to around 300 tiny laps.>

  <Run, Curly, run.  Only 300 more laps to go.>

Advantages over jogging outside include:

---the most significant advantage for me is reduced impact — alway going around the corner, leaning in. At higher speeds it’s like ice skating <It's just like ice skating, in a puddle, in your living room, in Crocs.  No, it's more like this:>

---the inside/lower side compressing and outside/upper side of body stretching — doing different things
---changing directions (eg every 5 min) alternates that
---run in rain, snow, cold, or heat
---run as much as you want, whenever you want, as long as a downstairs neighbor doesn’t want to shoot you <Your neighbor already loves the fact that you pee in the bushes.>
---no need for expensive heavy equipment
---if you don’t have to look down it may be good for the eyes to be focusing around the room as objects get closer and further away. Looking out a window is possible too <Cuz looking out the window is exactly the same as actually going outside to jog like a normal person.>
---run naked <Ewww> or in other various states of undress. No need for expensive spandex
---great way to start if you’re self-conscious
---watch a show you don’t mind looking at intermittently. Run while listening to Rachel, for example <Get naked, listen to the Madcow and run around in circles.  The jokes write themselves.>
---no cars
---have online races with friends! <The Living Room Track and Field Invitational, now sponsored by Skype.>
---the only cats and dogs chasing you are yours

I imagine there are other advantages.

Watch the toes!

And, of course, an oldie but a goodie:

« Last Edit: March 19, 2020, 02:31:51 AM by BamaMoose »

Offline SVPete

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Re: Life Imitates Art
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2020, 09:40:41 AM »
I have heard of Olympic-grade runners in China running marathons in their apartments, but I think they used the full length of their home. Given the dimensions the DU OPer gave, I seriously doubt (s)he really achieved 11.11-minute miles, a fairly fast pace. The frequent right-angle turns pretty much preclude it (except for very experienced/competitive runners, who would know to use proper shoes).

Santa Clara County, like other SF Bay Area counties is under a 3-week "shelter-in-place" order. There are plenty of exceptions/provisions necessary for people who need to buy food and consumables, do banking, etc.. Among those accommodations is being allowed to do walks and runs, just not in groups. I suspect that if I took a look at the suburban greenway trail near my home that I would see runners and walkers with some regularity.

All in all, I suspect the OPer is BSing or simply does not know what (s)he is talking about. If (s)he really is doing what (s)he described, his/her ankles are going to be HURTING from the constant turning.
US Coronavirus Events Timeline,

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Offline USA4ME

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Re: Life Imitates Art
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2020, 11:27:58 AM »
What a dork.

Because third world peasant labor is a good thing.

Offline jukin

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Re: Life Imitates Art
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2020, 12:27:28 PM »
1.8 mi in 20 min

5.4 MPH that is really pushing it. I walk at about 4.2 MPH.

Jeebus DUmmys are really stupid and dumb.
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Offline GOP Congress

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Re: Life Imitates Art
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2020, 06:41:04 PM »
Walking is the same health benefits as running for the same distance, just takes more time. But don't tell the DUmmie that, I prefer thinking of them as the cartoon gifs. :panic:
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Offline Karin

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Re: Life Imitates Art
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2020, 07:11:54 PM »
Thanks Bamamoose for posting the oldie but goodie!  That thing has been making me laugh since 2008! 

That dork also said:

run naked or in other various states of undress. No need for expensive spandex

Gross, you freak.  The thread got zero recs.  You can go outside, ya stupid shit.  Even king cuomo said "you can walk your dog, just do it alone."  Fresh air is good. 

Prayers please, for your NY Cave peeps.  We are on lockdown starting Sunday night.  Let's see how this goes. 

Offline Ptarmigan

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Re: Life Imitates Art
« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2020, 11:47:54 AM »
 :lmao: :rotf: :rofl:
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