Author Topic: Paradise Lost: the primitives in Hell  (Read 2669 times)

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Offline franksolich

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Paradise Lost: the primitives in Hell
« on: March 12, 2018, 06:46:36 PM »
I was walking across the vast treeless Sandhills of Nebraska in the middle of the night, faraway stars giving the only illumination in the darkness, when I abruptly bumped into another person—which given the sheer emptiness of the Sandhills, was certainly something that defied astronomical odds.

It was too dark to see that it was anything more than a hooded figure with a shepherd’s crook in his arm.  But despite the darkness, when close enough, one could see that he was red and round.

“Hallo,” he said, “I’ve been hanging around, waiting for you; it’s good to see that you finally showed up.  I was sent to remind you that there’s no point in your going on, at least tonight, because you’re not going to be allowed in.

“Best you turn around and go back home; it isn’t your time to go in.”

“I’m sorry,” I argued, “but I must go; I have an appointment with God, and it won’t do to stand up God.”

“You think you have an appointment with God,” the red round one said, “but trust me, you’re not on the schedule.  You just think you have a meeting.  You almost made it, but didn’t quite, and were pushed several pages ahead in the appointment book.”

“Well, okay then, but I’ve come this far, and so would like to at least catch a glimpse of what it’s like.  I came this close, and so it wouldn’t be fair if I couldn’t at least have a look-see.”

“Well, okay then,” the red round one repeated me, “I suppose I could give you a quick walk-through.”

When he said that, it suddenly became light, and while his face was still shielded by the hood of his tunic. I noticed he had a wrist-watch on the arm holding the shepherd’s crook; I also noticed it was monogrammed, “WAS.”

I suddenly became infused with alarm. 

Anticipating having to stave off some sort of blow or other mayhem, I pointed out, “As you can see, I’m in no condition to resist any use of force against me, and I remind you it would be cowardly for you to attack a much weaker man.”

He looked at me quizzically.

“I’m franksolich, the guy who killed you, remember.  I’m sure you’d like to even the score, but given my condition, it wouldn’t be sporting.”

“Don’t be silly,” he interrupted; “that was a long time ago.

“Trust me, I have nothing against you, only good feelings.

“When one comes face-to-face with God, and has to explain himself, one suddenly changes his mind about a lot of things.”

He showed me his membership card in the Republican Party, first issued in July 2005, identifying the holder as Andy, and signed by the head man, Simon Peter.

to be continued…..somehow
« Last Edit: March 16, 2018, 04:06:43 AM by franksolich »

Offline thundley4

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2018, 07:06:10 PM »
Glad to see you back, Frank.

Offline Rick

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2018, 07:12:13 PM »
Yes,
Good to see you back.

Offline SVPete

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2018, 07:34:34 PM »
Woo-Hoooooo! :cheersmate:
:rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:  :tongue:  :rotf:

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Offline FunkyZero

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2018, 07:37:31 PM »

to be continued…..somehow

Damn Frank, it's good to hear from you!
I have to say, few things could have made my day like hearing from you right now.
Stay strong, my friend... you are in my prayers.

Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2018, 07:47:26 PM »
This is truly a Gift From God Almighty. :yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo:

We pray for you daily, my friend.

God isn't done with you yet.  There are more primitives to bring over to the Light.
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Offline DefiantSix

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2018, 07:49:01 PM »
Damn Frank, can't begin to express how glad I am you're not calling the Devil of the Year competition for St. Peter. The world was looking like a pretty empty place when it appeared you were in the chute to shuffle off this mortal coil. Thanks for sticking around a while longer.
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Offline Texacon

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #7 on: March 12, 2018, 08:23:47 PM »
Welcome ‘home’ my friend. You’ve been sorely missed.

KC
  Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day.  Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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Offline Skul

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #8 on: March 12, 2018, 08:55:01 PM »
Just a reminder ......
Hilliary is not the President, nor will she ever be.  :texas: 
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Offline jtyangel

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2018, 09:20:35 PM »
Oh my goodness Frank:) I can't even say more then that. What a great to see you back:)

Offline Ptarmigan

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #10 on: March 12, 2018, 09:27:47 PM »
Great to see you again.
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Offline USA4ME

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2018, 09:46:06 PM »
Andy in heaven? Not a chance. You were having a nightmare.

But good to see you back!

.
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Offline SarasotaRepub

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2018, 10:14:18 PM »
Hi Frank!!
Vader Rules!

Offline DLR Pyro

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #13 on: March 12, 2018, 10:46:43 PM »
Good to see you back.
Trump Won.  Get over it!

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Offline Dblhaul

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #14 on: March 12, 2018, 11:24:25 PM »
Very nice to hear from you Frank. May you be blessed.

Offline Carl

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #15 on: March 13, 2018, 04:11:54 AM »
Welcome back from your travels!  :cheersmate:

Offline franksolich

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #16 on: March 13, 2018, 04:42:29 AM »
“What’s up with this?” I asked, while trying to pull the front wheels of the aluminum walker out from the soft Sandhills soil.

“I would’ve recognized you right away in the darkness, if you’d been using your gay cologne. 

“One doesn’t need a ‘gaydar’ to detect a queer; all one need is a good nose, because they all without exception wear exactly the same body scent—I haven’t known one who didn’t, and I haven’t known one who used any other scent.

“I’ll bet whoever has a monopoly on its manufacture is making out like a bandit, because it seems it’s mandatory, de rigueur, for gays to slap themselves with it.

“I’m not sure what it’s called, but it’s suggestive of the medicinal, and not in a pleasant way.  In fact, if other conditions are right, its odor can make one gag.

“They were wearing this same stuff back when I was a little lad, which is a very long time ago now.

“So did you forget to put any on, or is my nose stuffed up?”

“Don’t forget,” the late red round one said; “when one’s called before God, he’s suddenly motivated to change his behavior.  ‘Aversion therapy’ works; I want to hop around in the sack with women, and only women, now.”

“Congratulations,” I replied; “’termite’ was kind of seedy and gross anyway.  And I seriously doubt he was on a first-name basis with personal hygiene.

“And at least you have a greatly lesser chance of contacting that loathesome life-ending sexually-transmitted disease from a woman, than from another guy.

“Stay on the straight-and-narrow, and your pathway through life’ll be longer.”

The late red round one agreed with me.

I got the front wheels of the walker planted too deeply into the ground again, and struggled to yank the assistive device out.  I succeeded, but it pretty much drained my strength, so we paused while I sweated and caught my breath.

“You know,” I commented, “I wanted someone to take off the wheels and put on runners, as if for a sled, on this so as to make gliding it across the ground easier.

“But no one’s willing to do this, insisting I should stay inside the house all the time, rather than romping all over around the Sandhills.  Obviously they hope that if something’s too difficult, I’ll give it up.

“Yeah, right,” I added.

to be continued

Offline franksolich

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #17 on: March 13, 2018, 04:51:58 AM »
Welcome back from your travels!  :cheersmate:

I ain't been nowhere but usually in a hospital bed until Christmas Eve, and then home under the auspices of hospice.

A couple of weeks ago, I found out that one of the nurses--they're all young and good-looking, and I see at least one of them a day--knows dutch508 personally, even though she's currently living over on the eastern slope of the Sandhills, and he's of course way over on the other side of the state, the western slope.

In fact, her parents are practically his next-door neighbor.

So this solved a big problem for me; for reasons one might guess, I haven't felt, uh, communicative since mid-April of last year, but at the same time I really needed to let others know what was going on.

I signed the requisite paperwork with the hospital and hospice, giving them (especially this young good-looking neighbor of his) my permission to illuminate dutch508 about any matter concerning myself he wishes to know, and is free to pass on to anyone he wishes (but in the Sandhills forum, if convenient).

It's all harmless and unembarrassing information, but the primitives don't need to know it.

Offline catsmtrods

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #18 on: March 13, 2018, 07:11:31 AM »
God bless you Frank
"Liberalism is an essentially feminine, submissive world view. Perhaps a better adjective than feminine is infantile. It is the world view of men who do not have the moral toughness, the spiritual strength to stand up and do single combat with life, who cannot adjust to the reality that the world is not a huge, pink-and-blue, padded nursery in which the lions lie down with the lambs and everyone lives happily ever after."


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Offline BadCat

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #19 on: March 13, 2018, 08:07:42 AM »
Missed you buddy.
Help keep America beautiful...deface a liberal.

The Democrat and Republican parties are simply the left and right wings of the same bird of prey.

The road to freedom is paved with dead liberals.

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Offline Old n Grumpy

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #20 on: March 13, 2018, 08:21:36 AM »
Welcome back, keep your motor running!
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Offline whiffleball

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #21 on: March 13, 2018, 08:54:15 AM »
This is wonderful, just wonderful to read in every way possible!

Offline franksolich

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #22 on: March 13, 2018, 10:25:46 AM »
It was lighter now, and easier to observe the world around one.  We were still in the Sandhills of Nebraska, making our way to Heaven, of which I’d been promised a glimpse, and there wasn’t much to see yet, until I noticed a faraway group of people standing in a circle.

“Let’s go over and see what’s up with them,” I suggested.

“Okay,” the late red round one agreed, “but remember, it won’t be Heaven we’re looking at—we’re only passing through the frontiers of Hell right now, and have a long way to go before we reach our destination.”

As we approached, I noticed it looked as if everyone were standing in a circle hovering over a deep hole, tossing things down into it to the accompaniment of jeers and curses.

Standing on the edge, I looked down, seeing an agitated and enraged walrus-face, the one-time brain-damaged primitive, looking upward and shaking his fist, similarly jeering and cursing all those raining garbage, trash, refuse, and the contents of celestial chamber-pots down upon his head and shoulders.

Once in a while, someone came up with a small black plastic “box” in hand, and instead of merely dropping it down into the pit, aimed and forcefully pitched it at the top of the skull of walrus-face, causing a “CRACK!” loud enough even for a deaf man to hear.

“Old television remote controls,” the late red round one illuminated me.

Thinking about the cut and bloodied cranial region of the pissed-off walrus-face, I asked what he’d done, to get this punishment.

“He told God to **** off,” I was told.

Oh, I replied.  “How long does he have to put up with it, what’s his sentence?”

“I’m not sure, but probably forever,” the late red round one said.

“There’s some things uncalled-for, and that’s a big one.”

to be continued

Online freedumb2003b

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #23 on: March 13, 2018, 03:09:28 PM »
Damn Frank, it is good to see you.

At first when I was reading your story I thought it was autobiographical and describing us how you went over and came back!!!

:)
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Offline dixierose

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Re: greetings from the other side
« Reply #24 on: March 13, 2018, 06:44:03 PM »
Great to see you, Frank!
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