Posted in the DUmpster for obvious reasons. Trigger Warning: contains words and images which may cause pearl clutchers to faint dead away.I recently
came out as a black Basset hound named Dewey, trapped in a white man's body.
So far, I haven't been able to cash in on the announcement, the way Bruce Jenner did by having those dual airbags installed and calling himself "Caitlyn". TLC hasn't called, offering me a contract for a TV show. Hell, I haven't even heard back from Purina about that endorsement deal (and I don't even like Purina- oops, I may just have sunk that deal).
I'm an articulate and lovably ugly hound, and I thought I had it all: trans-species
and trans-racial. Offers should be piling up like dog shit on a DUmmy's front lawn, right? But, noooooo.
After giving it some thought, I figured
something must be missing. But what? Then, when I was lying on the front porch and licking my balls, it came to me: I need to evolve, again.
There is only one thing left to evolve
into. After all, I have loved licking pussies since I was a young pup:
Authentic photo of Dewey as a pup.So, I formally announce that I now self-identify as a Lesbian Black Basset Hound named Dewey, trapped in the body of a straight white man. I expect the full support of GLAAD, the NAACP, and the ASPCA.
OK, I don't look black; but who are you going to trust- me, or your lyin' eyes?If TLC doesn't want to sign me, maybe Animal Planet will be interested.
