As I figured, people have chosen to say that, essentially, I'm still just making excuses. Whether you want to see it that way or not, it's ok. Kirk is gone, and I will be moving on with my life. And of course, as one last slap in the face, I get the old accusation that I can't possibly be my own individual, I have to be Kirk hiding under a screen name. That's fine. If you honestly can't accept that he's dead, then there's nothing further I can say.
Whether I'm angry at anyone, or not, I still have to go into the future without Kirk. Whether that means that I live a better one, well, it's going to take actually living it to determine that as I go along. I miss him so much, and I don't expect that to ever truly go away. I don't care if you respect(ed) him, or if you respect me. To be honest, that's not going to make one iota of difference to me as I go forward in life. I know I have to respect myself. Being told to look in the mirror, and accepting blame where blame is due, sure, I can do that. There are actually some useful things that I will take with me as I leave this thread. There have been discussions that, strange as it may sound, I do value. I don't value being told my husband committed suicide. Or that (early on) he may cause a building to go up in flames. Oh, and the gem about how his fat should be rendered down. There are hateful things said here that had no need to be said, but it has been quite a ride.
I do respect some of you, to a degree. There are some who have been able to discuss things in a calm and thoughtful manner. Yes, I may not have found the topic pleasant, or the words valid. But at least you didn't jump on the GOBUCKS bandwagen and dismiss me entirely. Rather than retail therapy, shopping to deal with my issues, I've found this to be a form of therapy. It was interesting to hear what some of you had to say. And I hope that someday, you will learn to leave Kirk alone. However, as I've mentioned before, he's dead, so can't truly be hurt by anything further you may have to say. So, keep on keeping.
Oh, and I guess the information about the computer job isn't forthcoming?
Thought not. I'm not good enough for it, I guess. I'll leave you folks to rehash the same information, I have a move to work on.