Take that espresso and hold it between your knees

[DixieBelle]

"I just ordered my usual summertime pick-me-up: a triple shot of espresso dumped over ice. And the guy at the counter looked me in the eye with a straight face and said “I’m sorry, we can’t serve iced espresso here. It’s against our policy.”

The whole world turned brown and chunky for a second. Flecks of corn floated past my pupils, and it took me a second to blink it all away."

“Okay,” I said, “I’ll have a triple espresso and a cup of ice, please.” He rolled his eyes and rang it up, took my money, gave me change. I stood there and waited. Then the barista called me over to the bar. I reached for it, and he leaned over and locked his eyes with mine, saying “Hey man. What you’re about to do … that’s really, really Not Okay.”

Blah blah blah, then Jeff ordered a second cup of coffee and left a dollar tip in the tip jar scrawled with the phrase, "**** you and your precious coffee policy."

The story got picked up on BoingBoing and Metafilter, with commenters chiming in.

The net blowup prompted the store owner to blog the following:

"Okay, we don't do espresso over ice. Why? Number one, because we don't do it. Number two, because we don't do it. Mostly for quality reasons. Also, because more than half the time, it's abused (Google "ghetto latte").

To Mr. Simmermon, you overplayed your hand with your vulgar tip-schtick. While I certainly won't bemoan you your right to free-speech, I have to respond to you in your own dialect: **** you, Jeff Simmermon. Considering your public threat of arson, you'll understand when I say that if you ever show your face at my shop, I'll punch you in your dick.

Respectfully,
Nick
Owner, murky coffee"

http://consumerist.com/tag/murky-coffee/?i=5025306&t=coffee+shop-threatens-to-punch-customer-in-his-dick

Damn! 

I just read the coffee shop owner's comments and I must say, I think I agree with him. This guy was an ass and threatened violence first. You have to read the whole article at the link above. Coffee comedy!

[asdf2231]

Nick also posted some answers to the most frequently asked questions people were leaving on the blog:

We've got quite a few comments in the moderation-queue, and in a departure from normal procedures, I won't be approving and posting them all. Why? If you want to spew garbage on the internet, get your own blog.

I will, however, respond here to a few legitimate questions that some folks asked.

Q. What's wrong with "espresso over ice?"
Answer: Espresso is a fairly volatile thing, and when it hits ice, it seems to go through a chemical change that we can't fully explain (and I haven't seen a good explanation within our industry quite yet). It does appear to have something to do with ascorbic acid, but when we make our iced americanos (espresso + water + ice), we pour the shots into room-temperature water before adding the ice. Believe it or not, it does make a difference. Pouring espresso over ice creates unpleasantly acrid flavors.

Somewhat similarly, when we make our iced coffee, we go through the trouble of brewing it double-strength directly onto ice. If you brew coffee normally and then pour the hot coffee over ice, it results in unpleasant flavors. Making iced-coffee the way that we do seems to preserve a lot of the unique flavors from the coffees we're brewing (unlike the popular "Toddy" method of cold-brewing for iced coffee), and yields a great drink overall. Again, not entirely sure why the different technique yields such different results, but it does. If we put the coffee through two slits, it'd probably act all confusingly then too.

The second and more mundane reason has to do with the infamous "ghetto latte." More than half of the customers who we gave "iced espresso" to (back before our now infamous policy) would take that cup to the condiment bar and pour 8-14 ounces of milk out of the dairy pitcher, effectively taking advantage of a perceived loophole in the "system." Just as buying a cup of coffee doesn't entitle you to take a pound's worth of sugar packets home with you to put into your jar at home, this "ghetto latte" practice was pretty disheartening and distracting to the baristas. Call it our "infield fly rule," but "no espresso over ice" became our policy in 2006.

Q. Why do you allow "iced americanos," but not iced espresso?
Answer: See answer above.

Q. But why would David, the barista in question, "Hey, what you’re about to do-that’s really, really not okay?"
Because we have our policy, and David was trying to support it, even though the other barista who rang this customer up gave in and gave him "a double espresso and a cup of ice," which, to be frank, the baristas aren't supposed to do.

Q. Why did you threaten the guy with violence? That's not cool!
Maybe you're right. But if someone posts on the internet "the only way I’m ever coming back to Murky Coffee in Arlington is if I’m carrying matches and a can of kerosene" as this dude did, I will, without remorse, post publicly that I will defend our property, even with violence. Yeah, what I wrote was ridiculous. A ridiculous response to a ridiculous statement... at least I hope so. If not, I hope his dick is at least big enough to punch.

Q. The customer is always right
Yeah, that's true. Actually, nevermind. It's bullshit.

Every customer is a welcome guest. But even welcome guests can overstep their bounds, and demanding that we give you something that we say that we can't or won't is overstepping your bounds for sure. I can pretty much guarantee that we spend more time and energy on making our espresso as great as can be, than anyone else in the DC area. That said, not everyone's gonna love it. Such is life. We have our standards. You're more than welcome to partake in it, and you're completely free not to. We'll keep doing our best (and that includes giving good customer service).

This all leads to a whole thing about consumerism that I've been ranting about for years, but this is neither the time nor place for that.

I will add that it is our internal policy that I support my employees, even when they make mistakes. In this case, David wasn't perfect, but he tried to do the right thing. For the Simmermon-dude to write that crap on that dollar bill waived his rights to any civility. Dish it out, then take it. Mr. Simmermon is a big boy. He doesn't need the blogosphere coming to his defense.

Q. Get over it. It's just coffee.
You're absolutely right. Everyone go home and call your mother and tell her you love her. Afterwards, understand that it is "just coffee" after all. However, coffee is our job. That's all. No more, no less.

Thanks for all the comments and emails (for the record, about 40% supportive, 20% critical, and about 40% ignorant and ridiculous... but that's the nature of the sandbox that we blog in, no?).

-Nick Cho, owner

[JohnnyReb]

I think Nick Cho and I could get along quite well together......

[Miss Mia]

Let's just say, there are a lot of cheap people out there, that order a double or triple espresso and then go to the condiment bar and make their own nasty "lattes."

Since I worked in coffee shops for so long, I agree with him, espresso poured over ice is nasty. 

[Chris_]

Let's just say, there are a lot of cheap people out there, that order a double or triple espresso and then go to the condiment bar and make their own nasty "lattes."

Since I worked in coffee shops for so long, I agree with him, espresso poured over ice is nasty. 

But you can do it, I suppose.  I didn't know there was a chemical reaction from it.

You learn something new every day.

[Miss Mia]

Let's just say, there are a lot of cheap people out there, that order a double or triple espresso and then go to the condiment bar and make their own nasty "lattes."

Since I worked in coffee shops for so long, I agree with him, espresso poured over ice is nasty. 

But you can do it, I suppose.  I didn't know there was a chemical reaction from it.

You learn something new every day.

Sure, you could do it, but I don't recommend it.  Just like people always wanted us to blend just an iced latte in the blender. We didn't recommend people to do that, and for a reason, it's nasty.  (Well, and too much air is incorporated into the milk so you'd be gassy all day anyways.)  When us coffee snobs don't recommend something, it's for your own protection.  LOL

[Chris_]

Let's just say, there are a lot of cheap people out there, that order a double or triple espresso and then go to the condiment bar and make their own nasty "lattes."

Since I worked in coffee shops for so long, I agree with him, espresso poured over ice is nasty. 

But you can do it, I suppose.  I didn't know there was a chemical reaction from it.

You learn something new every day.

Sure, you could do it, but I don't recommend it.  Just like people always wanted us to blend just an iced latte in the blender. We didn't recommend people to do that, and for a reason, it's nasty.  (Well, and too much air is incorporated into the milk so you'd be gassy all day anyways.)  When us coffee snobs don't recommend something, it's for your own protection.  LOL

I never liked Charbucks -- I have gift cards 5 years old I have never used.

[Miss Mia]

Let's just say, there are a lot of cheap people out there, that order a double or triple espresso and then go to the condiment bar and make their own nasty "lattes."

Since I worked in coffee shops for so long, I agree with him, espresso poured over ice is nasty. 

But you can do it, I suppose.  I didn't know there was a chemical reaction from it.

You learn something new every day.

Sure, you could do it, but I don't recommend it.  Just like people always wanted us to blend just an iced latte in the blender. We didn't recommend people to do that, and for a reason, it's nasty.  (Well, and too much air is incorporated into the milk so you'd be gassy all day anyways.)  When us coffee snobs don't recommend something, it's for your own protection.  LOL

I never liked Charbucks -- I have gift cards 5 years old I have never used.

While I did work at Starbucks, I also managed an independent coffee shop.    People asked for blended iced lattes at both.  Idiots. 

I also rarely go to Starbucks, I prefer the Mexican High Grown from a local place.  Not over roasted and deliciously smooth.

[EastFacingNorth]

Let's just say, there are a lot of cheap people out there, that order a double or triple espresso and then go to the condiment bar and make their own nasty "lattes."

Since I worked in coffee shops for so long, I agree with him, espresso poured over ice is nasty. 

But you can do it, I suppose.  I didn't know there was a chemical reaction from it.

You learn something new every day.

Sure, you could do it, but I don't recommend it.  Just like people always wanted us to blend just an iced latte in the blender. We didn't recommend people to do that, and for a reason, it's nasty.  (Well, and too much air is incorporated into the milk so you'd be gassy all day anyways.)  When us coffee snobs don't recommend something, it's for your own protection.  LOL

Well, some folks like their Prime Rib well done.  While I think that such folks should be thrashed to within an inch of their life and then be ritually disemboweled, I also understand that if I were running a restaurant I'd have to either serve that or be prepared to lose potential customers.  Same applies to coffee.

[Zeus]

I geuss I can be the lone voice against the tide. Nic is a prick. Must have some damn good coffee at that joint cause I gots a feeling folks ain't going there for the friendly and cheerful service. The counter ttendents (baristas BWAAA )were just doing their job according to hat they were told but Nic's a pick.

[Wretched Excess]

Let's just say, there are a lot of cheap people out there, that order a double or triple espresso and then go to the condiment bar and make their own nasty "lattes."

Since I worked in coffee shops for so long, I agree with him, espresso poured over ice is nasty. 

when it's 98 degrees, and I need my 2PM pick-me-up, iced espresso starts to sound reasonable.  I get iced coffee with a couple of shots of espresso in it during the summer.

[Wretched Excess]

Damn! 

I just read the coffee shop owner's comments and I must say, I think I agree with him. This guy was an ass and threatened violence first. You have to read the whole article at the link above. Coffee comedy!

I have seen violence quality tension around the big coffee pot in the cafeteria at work in the mornings, and that stuff sucks.  never, ever get between an addict and his fix.

[rich_t]

Let's just say, there are a lot of cheap people out there, that order a double or triple espresso and then go to the condiment bar and make their own nasty "lattes."

Since I worked in coffee shops for so long, I agree with him, espresso poured over ice is nasty. 

But you can do it, I suppose.  I didn't know there was a chemical reaction from it.

You learn something new every day.

It ain't going to turn into a bomb or something.  If the consumer wants to drink nasty coffee then by gawd let him.

[JohnnyReb]

I geuss I can be the lone voice against the tide. Nic is a prick. Must have some damn good coffee at that joint cause I gots a feeling folks ain't going there for the friendly and cheerful service. The counter ttendents (baristas BWAAA )were just doing their job according to hat they were told but Nic's a pick.

So, Nick's the "coffee nazi", huh?

[DixieBelle]

There was a link further down in the comments at the OP. Nick is apparently abrasive. He's also not a very good money manager and has had run ins with people he owes money to like the IRS and landlord. But, he apparently has (or had) a shop near Capital Hill that everyone loved and people revolted when they closed him down. I don't know if he's back there or just running the shop above in Arlington VA.

I still agree with him for sticking to his principles and telling the customer where to go. After all, the guy threatened to come into his shop with matches and gasoline. And he wrote obsenities on his tip money. So, while juvenile, he started it. I bet that employee felt good about the owner defending him.