Author Topic: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle  (Read 2023 times)

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Offline Big Dog

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The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« on: July 31, 2014, 11:34:20 PM »
Note: The following is a work of fiction. With apologies to John Milius and Francis Ford Coppola.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSUIQgEVDM4[/youtube]

"San Diego.  Shit, I'm still in San Diego."


"Every time, I think I'm gonna wake up back in Ensenada. Don't ask me about Ensenada. That Lieutenant with his battle riffle and sidearm in my marked ambulance still works a mind-**** on me. I wish I didn't know this shit, for ****'s face.

"When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. When I was there, I wanted to be here. When I was home, all I wanted was to be back on the Baja, rappelling into the shit with nothing but my Bowie knife and The Good Rig. I was between a rock and a fireplace.

"I'm here a week now... no fires or city council meetings to report on... getting softer. Every minute I sit in front of this scanner, I get weaker; and every minute he squats in that Ensenada dust, he gets stronger.

"Every time I looked around, the walls moved  in a little tighter.

"Everyone gets everything they want. I wanted a mission, and for my sins they gave me one. And I knew it was going to be crunchy"


...To be continued
Government is the negation of liberty.
  -Ludwig von Mises

CAVE FVROREM PATIENTIS.

Offline Bad Dog

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2014, 11:43:18 PM »
Epic BD, H-5.

Offline Big Dog

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2014, 11:46:11 PM »
dutch and franksolich have stories going, so I am going to pace this story more slowly out of respect for them.
Government is the negation of liberty.
  -Ludwig von Mises

CAVE FVROREM PATIENTIS.

Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2014, 11:50:54 PM »
That story arc could go all the way across the Rubicon.  Well done!

 :cheersmate:
Go and tell the Spartans, O traveler passing by
That here, obedient to their law, we lie.

Anything worth shooting once is worth shooting at least twice.

Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2014, 05:16:52 AM »
That story arc could go all the way across the Rubicon.  Well done!

 :cheersmate:

On an arc, even!  H5, BD!
"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline franksolich

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2014, 07:05:47 AM »
Great start, Big Dog!

Anxiously awaiting other chapters!

Don't worry about others' literary efforts; the DUmpster can always use good material.
apres moi, le deluge

Milo Yiannopoulos "It has been obvious since 2016 that Trump carries an anointing of some kind. My American friends, are you so blind to reason, and deaf to Heaven? Can he do all this, and cannot get a crown? This man is your King. Coronate him, and watch every devil shriek, and every demon howl."

Offline franksolich

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2014, 08:31:35 AM »
This by the way is based upon:

Quote
nadinbrzezinski (107,837 posts)   Sun Aug 5, 2012, 12:32 AM

Ok this was embarrasing

We are working on a story involving native people in Mexico. So I needed to send an Email to proceso, one of the top political magazines. It took me literally ten minutes to compose an email in Spanish... my native tongue.

So, the obvious thing is I NEED PRACTICE... damn I really do. So converted my IPOD to a Spanish computer and started plotting a short piece of fiction that will be done in Spanish. It will take me longer than English, but damn I need the practice. That was well, very embarrassing.

Ten minutes. Damn!

And that story better NOT involve going down to Ensenada, there are way too many personal safety concerns on that one.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1202544

At the time (please notice the date of the post), I was curious as to why the cousin was reluctant to go down to Ensenada, which isn't that far from San Diego, barely a hop-skip-jump across the border.

I inquired of their tourism people, and it appears Ensenada's a pretty nice place to go.

apres moi, le deluge

Milo Yiannopoulos "It has been obvious since 2016 that Trump carries an anointing of some kind. My American friends, are you so blind to reason, and deaf to Heaven? Can he do all this, and cannot get a crown? This man is your King. Coronate him, and watch every devil shriek, and every demon howl."

Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2014, 08:50:44 AM »
This by the way is based upon:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1202544

At the time (please notice the date of the post), I was curious as to why the cousin was reluctant to go down to Ensenada, which isn't that far from San Diego, barely a hop-skip-jump across the border.

I inquired of their tourism people, and it appears Ensenada's a pretty nice place to go.

The donkey population is still holding a grudge against her. :whistling:
"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of Liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

"All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk!" -Ayn Rand
 
"Those that trust God with their safety must yet use proper means for their safety, otherwise they tempt Him, and do not trust Him.  God will provide, but so must we also." - Matthew Henry, Commentary on 2 Chronicles 32, from Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

"These anti-gun fools are more dangerous to liberty than street criminals or foreign spies."--Theodore Haas, Dachau Survivor

Chase her.
Chase her even when she's yours.
That's the only way you'll be assured to never lose her.

Offline JakeStyle

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2014, 09:27:19 AM »
This by the way is based upon:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1202544

At the time (please notice the date of the post), I was curious as to why the cousin was reluctant to go down to Ensenada, which isn't that far from San Diego, barely a hop-skip-jump across the border.

I inquired of their tourism people, and it appears Ensenada's a pretty nice place to go.

A retired friend of mine owns a beach house down there, it's a great place to visit.  The only time I would avoid going is during memorial day and labor day weekends, and during spring break, when the whole town gets overrun with drunken college aged gringos.

Offline wasp69

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2014, 12:13:08 PM »
"San Diego.  Shit, I'm still in San Diego."


 :lmao:
"We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and then bid the geldings to be fruitful."

C.S. Lewis

A community may possess all the necessary moral qualifications, in so high a degree, as to be capable of self-government under the most adverse circumstances; while, on the other hand, another may be so sunk in ignorance and vice, as to be incapable of forming a conception of liberty, or of living, even when most favored by circumstances, under any other than an absolute and despotic government.

John C Calhoun, "Disquisition on Government", 1840

Offline Big Dog

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #10 on: August 04, 2014, 10:19:24 PM »
Nadin heard a knock at the door. She pulled the footstool up to the door and peered through the peephole. She could see two men, wearing the uniforms of the Mexican Red Cross. She reached under her journo vest and grasped the handle of her Bowie knife, then opened the door.

"Por que?", she asked.

The taller of the two men said, "Mande, senor. We are looking for El Capitan Brzezinski, formerly of the Mexican Red Cross."

"For ****'s face, I am El Capitan Brzezinski," Nadin growled, as she released her grip on the knife handle, turned her back on the men, and walked back into the room.

"A thousand pardons, El Capitan. I was told that you were a woman. Some surgery, perhaps?"

"Hey, are you gonna shut that door?" Nadin asked impatiently.

The two men quickly entered and shut the door behind them.

Nadin peered at them through bleary eyes. The taller man wore the rank of El Major, and the other man's uniform was unadorned by rank or name tag. Nadin knew what that meant. There was only one unit in the Mexican Red Cross who could have sent these men across the border and onto her doorstep. Her old unit, the team whose name could not be spoken aloud, on pain of death. She wished she didn't know that shit.

"Are you El Capitan Nadin Brzezinski Abbott, 501st Special Medical Squadron, El Cruz de Rojo?" asked El Major, as he read from a dossier. He pronounced "Brzezinski" as only a Mexican could. He looked at the picture inside, then at Nadin skeptically. He could smell lemon floor wax on her breath, and wondered if she had been drinking it like a Tijuanica, or merely rubbing it on her gums, as was the practice in certain parts of Baja California.

"I'm retired", she replied.

"Our files indicate that you are a master of disguise, but I did not expect such a convincing impersonation of that great norteamericano, Benjamin Franklin. Does that disguise allow you to move among the gringos undetected?

Nadin glared at the major. She knew a bully when she saw one. She hadn't noticed that the other man, the one without rank or name, was watching her intently.

"Ask me again,", she grunted.

"Fue sin querer, senora", El Major replied. "I meant no offense."

"Ask me again, and you'll find  yourself on the iggy list."

"What is this "eegy" you speak of?"

Nadin said, "Never mind. We'll cross the Rubicon when we come  to it."

The two men exchanged worried looks. The major feared Nadin's predilection for lemon floor wax had damaged her brain; while the mystery man merely wished to be somewhere, anywhere but there.

"El capitan, we have been sent by those whom you know - I hardly need say their names - to ask your assistance on a most delicate mission. Much as your past mission, in the wilds of Bellevue, Nebraska", the major struggled with the pronunciation, "you must infiltrate a hostile place alone. Those who sent us wish to impress upon you the importance of this mission, and to tell you that you are the only person they trust to complete it with skill and discretion."

The man without a name spoke for the first time. "We can say no more, unless you agree to the mission."

Nadin was silent.

After about a minute, the men realized she had nodded off. "Damned lemon floor wax. Come on, Pedro, give me a hand", the major said to his partner. Together, they dragged Nadin to the shower, and she woke up screaming under the cold spray.

To be continued.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2014, 10:39:50 PM by Big Dog »
Government is the negation of liberty.
  -Ludwig von Mises

CAVE FVROREM PATIENTIS.

Offline Ptarmigan

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #11 on: August 04, 2014, 11:38:43 PM »
DUmmies are toxic people.  :mental:
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Offline Big Dog

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2014, 10:24:48 PM »
I've had a busy week, and won't have time to get back to this story until Tuesday or Wednesday evening.
Government is the negation of liberty.
  -Ludwig von Mises

CAVE FVROREM PATIENTIS.

Offline blitzkrieg_17

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2014, 09:59:37 AM »
Quote
Together, they dragged Nadin to the shower, and she woke up screaming under the cold spray.

 :lmao: H5, Big Dog.
Caught somewhere in time

Offline landofconfusion80

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #14 on: August 11, 2014, 10:27:16 AM »
The music while reading that is outstanding! could you add a soundtrack to each installment? definitely sets the mood to the story.
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20. absolute bullshit. the cave is unspeakably vile.

I don't know how any of you can live with yourselves.

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Offline CollectivismMustDie

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Re: The Chronicles of gNads - The Ensenada Kerfunkle
« Reply #15 on: August 11, 2014, 06:34:21 PM »
Quote
I was told that you were a woman. Some surgery, perhaps?"


 :rotf: :rotf: :rotf:

Hi-5

CMD
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